Literally feel nauseous tonight.

15 years down the drain. 4 year old son that I will only get to see half the time now.

I've spent $8000 in legal fees that I don't have, to fight over stuff I don't even care about. I either sign tomorrow, or it goes to court...She started talking about going after my guns and tools this week if I didn't agree to the latest proposal. I said "you want my f.ucking guns and tools? take them then!"

It was Steelhead that summed it up years ago for me here with regards to "stuff." Only thing I care about at this point is my son.

I will never forgive her.

You have my sorrow as I have been there..for what it is worth from me it will get better. Focus on your son. Never bring her up with him.

Been there. It was almost forty years ago but I still remember the feelings.

For what it's worth, neither of the kids speak to her of care where she lives. They both still call me dad.

My advice is to make your time with your son positive in every way you can. Never put her down in front of him. He will learn the truth.

Take care of yourself the best you can - and be there for your son.

I wanted full custody, she said NO even though she isn't connected to him like I am.

Funny what a boyfriend will do to a marriage. Not to mention, there seems to be an underground railroad to get young happy women out of a successful marriage. Bitter old divorced women hate to see another woman happy.

May God be with you, but in actuality you get to sign them. Quit worrying about it. Dont think about it. Look around you. You are alive. Others have been through this too. You arent the Lone Ranger. You domt have terminal cancer, and neither does your son. Now you can go to church and find one who not only believes in God, but one who submits to and acceptes His word and cherishes you, even if you arent perfect. Neither was Abraham or David or Joseph.

Man.......I'm real sorry to hear all of this. No words here....other than good luck and I hope you get to see your son often.

That worked for me. I met her in a little country church 36 years ago. Never looked back.

breaks my heart for the kid

but sounds like nada you can do about it


save for one thing


be the best dad any kid could ever ask for.


in time it will come with the side benefit of you finding a very good woman that wants you to father one or 9 for her.


best of luck to you, that lil man is gonna need a great dad more than ever

Well said. Sound advice.

Thanks for the wishes.

I have determined you aren't really a man until you have been ruined by a woman. I had the world by the balls the day before she left me.

You will again.

as has been said before, you are not the only one to go through this. i did as well, but you WILL get through it and your son will also. you have just about all the advice you need, so i won't add more.

sounds like she is not worth the effort. be glad you are doing right. better to be you, than her.

don't do anything stupid,

ked

The best revenge you can have is to let him have her.

My sympathy for you in your dilema about your son. Fighting for him is worth it. Show him you love him, teach him how to handle life and as he grows the real story will be obvious.

Someday you will be happy this happened.
You will still carry the scars, and may wish you had never learned the lessons you will take away from it, but live for your son and you will see it will be OK.

You don't want to hear my story, but I've lived it and I know how it goes.

I truly believe this whole process has forever changed me going forward in life. The only thing that really sunk in was "stuff" and material things simply don't mean crap to me anymore. Not that I was materialistic before, but what an eye opener.

Got to admit, I think every marriage is doomed too. Seems everyone I know has been divorced at least once. I see a good looking gal at the store and think "I wonder if she has ruined anyone yet?"

I know that is a bad attitude, but I can't help it. At least not yet.

dogcatcher223
There are good ladies out there; God willing and the crick don't rise come Oct. Mrs Northcountry and I will pass the 60 year mark so it is possible. Good luck and has been said b4 be there for the lad and don't say anything bad about his mother.....cheers NC

You're not alone, most of us have been there and survived it.

Tell you what- She takes your guns, you contact me, I'll give you one and set you up with ammo. Press on with your son in mind and let her have whatever she wants, but you get it out of it with your integrity. Nothing's more important, and I bet I'm not alone as a guy that would consider it an honor to help you get geared up again.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Don't lose sight of the fact that there really is a silver lining behind every dark cloud. As your son gets older, if you stay close to him, he'll gravitate to his daddy. And it sounds as if you're better off without her. Time heals all wounds. It can only get better from here. Keep your chin up.


Jordan

Thanks for the offer. Guess I get to keep my guns, although they haven't brought me much joy lately either. I have been shooting a lot just to get away from reality for a few hours. Cannot say I've really enjoyed it though. I'm just trying to stay busy so I don't have time to think about things. My buddy dropped off his gun the other day. Going to work up a load for him. I figure that aggravation should keep me going for a bit longer.

Tomorrow is the best day for the beginning of the rest of your life.

I have a couple of Ex's, one I have not seen or heard from in over 40 years, and the other I had not seen nor spoken in over ten until I ran into her in a parking lot last week.

Conversation went as follows

Her , said "hi" or something I didn't really hear.

Me, "hurrumph" and walk into the store.

Her confronting me inside, "don't you have something to say?"

Me, "what do you want me to say?"

Her, "Hello would be nice."

me, "Hello"

Her, "Ok now I get it"
and we both walked away.

I did get a "life is to short to be angry, happy birthday" text the next day and will respond to that one the same way I have to others, which is I won't.

Move on my friend, even though it may hurt now, life will be better soon.

Never been through a divorce so no BTDT advice from me other than I've known quite a few over the years that have been through it and several of those eventually wound up with full custody of their children when the kiddos started interfering with the ex's newly chosen free spirit, all-about-me, lifestyle.
One old friend was told by his lawyer to not waste any more of his money on trying to win custody in court. His lawyer said he had dealt with her kind too many times in the past and he practically guaranteed sooner than later his ex would voluntarily surrender custody of their child to him. His lawyer was dead-on correct.

Man....I feel for you. I was there a couple years ago. I nearly killed myself, as I was sure my life ane my kid's lives were now destined to be another statistic. Fast forward two years, my kids and I just returned home from a week long vacation at dad's shooting ground squirrels and generally having a ball. I was so very wrong about how life would be.

Take some time to reflect on what you can do better, what your kids need and what is truly important in life. Soon enough you will be able to sleep without wondering what she is doing and eventually she will fade away into an expensive lesson you will not forget. Keep to the high road at all costs.

My ex wanted me to have the weekends deal that is so common. ...I scored 50% and she can't wait to hand them over now.

It will get better....it may get a bit worse before then. ....but it will get better.

This was my experience. He's all grown now. We talk about it occasionally. All he really remembers now is what an evil person she had become and how I was still just Dad. We're like best friends now. He don't talk to her much outside of holidays and birthdays.

And I STILL remind him to be respectful as she is his mother. And he is. And he still recognizes that as the right thing.

It won't be easy. But it'll get better. A lot better. You have to believe that and don't let the anger win.

This.

Prayers and best wishes to you Sir.

I trust you have a good attorney, if he thinks you should sign it's time to sign
Life sucks right now so don't get cause up in negatives such as all women are out to ruin you
It's like losing the Super Bowl, don't decide to retire right after the game,emotions and feelings over ride fact and reason at this time
Give time a chance to work it's magic before deciding what will be and how it will be
It's all what you make of this situation, this could be the best thing that ever happened to you if you let it be and go out and live your life happy and well
Good luck and know it will be better

There's stellar advice so far, so I won't bother rehashing it.

Being the best Dad in the world is something no one will ever be able to take away from you. And it's a priceless give for your son.

Godspeed.

FC

Dogcatcher,these gentlemen are right.Be in it for the long haul and guard the kids from this.30 years ago I took the highroad (hardest thing I have ever done) and saw my kids grow up,saw two grandsons born.A few months back for no reason I know the oldest grandson with his blonde hair messed up from play looked at me with his big blue eyes and said"did nana hurt you". Where did this come from.I don know if this makes the point or not.Even though she means it for evil God will use it for good.

+1

So she did have a boyfriend?

Slippery slope, careful there.



Focus on your son and "Be Positive". Start right know.

If a "bad attitude" can go seeping through forum posts, imagine where else it can go.

So, go high - after this



comes this



and you will get



up high.

Lots of good advice already given.

I have been where you are at. it sucks. it truly does. will say a prayer for you.

Personally, like was already mentioned, be the best Dad ever for your kid. Don't speak ill of your ex wife to him. Ever.

In time, your son will see who was the steady Eddie parent, and who was the flake. I know this because my daughters, while they love their Mom, have gravitated to me.

Best revenge ever.

See the "underground railroad" every day here at my office. Old divorced women really CAN'T stand happy wives and make it their mission to bring them to the dark side. I've seen it and believed this for years....don't kid yourself, it happens every day.

One of my divorced ladies is constantly trying to take one of our youngest, happily married, ladies to the beach for a "ladies only weekend", hitting the bars and getting laid. To her credit, she refuses to go. My sweet wife, God bless her soul, has the same thing happen to her all the time, and she also refuses to go. Good for me (and her)....she'd have guys on her in a New York second at the meat markets.

Sorry to hear all this.

Seems like marriages more commonly fall apart these days. Just doesn't seem right. Seems like divorce should be uncommon.

Will keep you, your ex and children in our thoughts and prayers.

Strippers


And for what it's worth, you probably haven't bottomed out yet. Don't worry though, once things start to look a little better she'll figure out a way to kick you in your nuts again.

My friend, I've been down that road too. Everything Keith told you is absolutely the truth. I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this, I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone.

Make sure every moment you spend with your son is quality time. By that, I mean reading to him, telling him stories about when you were a kid, teaching him to fish, and anything else in the outdoors.

Don't worry if you aren't able to take him to Disney World twice a year, or some other ridiculous waste of money. What will mean more to him than gold will be spending time with his dad.

I'm going to disagree, things don't have to get better but they can always get worse.

It takes lots of work to make things better. You don't have to do a damn thing for things to get worse.

50/50 custody is not bad. And frankly, some dads need 50/50 custody when the new beginning begins. Reason being, you may feel like you're ready to tackle it full time but you may also need some time for yourself. Even though you may not realize you need time to yourself.

This is how you need to approach things as you move forward. And don't be bitter. It's a waste of time and telegraphs what your intentions are. Better that she see you as docile or even chump like from here forward.

Women are stupid. Never forget that. Women. Are. Stupid.

Highly recommend you analyze the schit out of state laws regarding custodial rights and modification of child support. Maybe not today, as your brain needs a break. But don't neglect it too long. There are tons of loopholes and you need to know what they are.

As you move forward, don't think this is the end. It isn't. It's only the beginning. You could still very well end up with full custody of your son in a short amount of time. Learn the law. Know the law. Don't speak ill of the mother. Wait it out. He's going to see what he needs to see.

Being broke and without your children can be depressing. Adopt the prison lifestyle. They can't take your body so make it your temple. Work out and FY with reckless abandon.

It's not uncommon for things that previously brought us joy to stop bringing us joy. See above and think in terms of prison.

She is distracted. You are not. After a little breather learn the laws and start moving forward.



Travis

Travis,
Put Clark on the phone. You are beginning to be too sensible.
Excellent post, BTW.

CT

GFY.



Clark

Sorry for tour troubles, BTDT, but always remember this. Nothing rankles an ex like them knowing you are happy and content without them.

When she gets pissy with you - smile.
When she makes demands - smile
Sign the divorce papers and shake her hand!

Take whatever time you can with your son and build a happy life, It will be good for you and your son and it will always tick her off.

dc223...having participated in the resolution of over 600 divorce cases,please know that within 6 months or maybe even less,90% or more of the angst and adverse emotions that impact upon your life right now will vanish.

In any event,it is my hope the void is positively filled in the sooner and that your next companionship adventure becomes more rewarding than the last. Move on well,amigo.

PS: from my same experiences stated above,FWIW, if worth anything at all,your estranged wife's current relationship has about a 20% chance or less of making it past another 8-12 months.

If you're above 60,dc223, save the energies and emotions necessary to seek vengeance or revenge for matters worthy of the drain.

Oldmodel said it right. Nothing rankles the ex like seeing you having a good time. I know it is tough right now but right now you need to start having fun, laughing, looking to the future.
When ever you see her you need to laugh at her. She has all the power and is calling all the shots now. When she sees you having a great time and smiling and laughing,with your son, it will gall her. Women hate to be laughed at. When you see her laugh at her and shake your head. You will have the last laugh. You will have your power back.

You know more than me about such matters.I would think 20% to be on the high side.He already knows she cant be trusted.

Take that a step further and when you are tempted to pine away about old times, remember only the times she was on her knees.

Very sorry to hear of your troubles, but with a bit of luck, the sun will start to shine.

Mucho good advice and I've not BTDT so I'll just echo words of a good friend. Take time to heal, time to be whole again before you enter into a relationship.

I think doing things for the ones you love is better motivation than doing things for the ones you hate.

Doing things for the sole purpose of upsetting another person is not healthy. And it sets a poor example to the young man in his life.



Travis

Nailed it right there!

BTDT, like so many here. A lot of good advice. Best thing you can do for YOU and for YOUR BOY is put any thoughts of revenge or getting back at her out of your head. It's like someone here said some time ago, "Holding a grudge is like letting someone live in your mind rent-free." Focus on your boy and yourself and every time the ex darkens your mental/emotional doorway, think about something else. Stay away from the booze and the bars and work from day one on the life you want to live.

Dogcatcher, my friend, before you can take advantage of ANY of the excellent suggestions offered here, you MUST do one thing...RIGHT NOW.

Grant your self a divorce from the woman. No Judge can grant you a divorce that has any real value. You'll be walking around with a piece of paper claiming you're single, but a woman living rent free in your head.

You were only half of the marriage, but you are ALL of the divorce. Forgive the damn woman for everything she's ever done to you, or you'll make as big a mess of the divorce as you likely did to the marriage.

There are MANY advantages to being the SINGLE father to a son, as opposed to being a MARRIED father to a son.

You will never discover them until you rid yourself of ALL the resentment you harbor against your ex.

Ask yourself if you want your son to be mothered by a woman who is bitter and unhappy, and it will be easier to truly wish her well.

Forgive. Only a fool forgets.

Close one chapter of the book, take a breather, and start writing the next chapter. And be sure to make it the best chapter yet. Nobody knows which one is their last chapter anyway.

Are you suggesting he abandon the Steelhead model completely or can he use it when he is particularly offended?

So ... what's the question? I mean that seriously. You have to ask yourself whether what you're fighting for is on the table or not.

It doesn't matter whether you want the divorce or not. That fight has been lost. The court can't mandate she love you, that fight has also been lost.

All that is left is the terms of the divorce. Do the custody arrangements fall within state guidelines? Are there extenuating legal circumstances, not just your wants, the court can consider? Do the economic arrangements fall within state guidelines? Same ... are there extenuating circumstances you can prove legally to change the outcome?

Unless there is something you actually can win, that there's a solid legal basis for, not just wishful thinking, sign the damn papers and get it over with.

Tom

Truly sorry to hear that; only real alternative is just to pull yourself up by the bootstraps & move on in every facet of your life.

Try to do the best you can by your son, but realistically, from the tone of your post, sounds like she may use that as a lever too.

Best of Luck & I sincerely mean that.

MM

[video:youtube]https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=FLlTJe2YI1MEuHgQ2ZCElarw&v=-bi5Oci3m3M[/video]

Just about everything has been covered. And DeFlave, WHO ARE YOU?

Two things.

A wise man once said "if you want to know what you will be like in five years, look at the company you keep". That goes both for you and her.

Second, the best revenge is living well. The only thing you have to do is figure out what living well means to you (and your son).

Flave, that is sofa king Zen like, and as they say "you cannot step in the same river twice".
Or “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

Just sayin.

I didn't read everything that everyone else commented but here's mine. I went by advice from a wise man that had already been through it. Don't ever put her down in front of your son. Kids are always listening whether they act like it or not. Show him your love by cooking him good meals when you have him. Take him to church every chance you have and teach him the right things. Show him all the love you can and don't put other stuff in front of him on his visitation days. Do this and whenever he becomes legal age to make his own choice he will be at your door with his suitcase.

Dogcatcher you have my sympathy. Over the last two or three years I have witnessed several friends go through divorce and the good news is every last one of them feels reborn.

One of my closest recently finalized his. When she said she was leaving he called and was devastated. I actually thought he called to say someone had died. He poured his heart out to her. Wrote all his faults and failings as a husband and blamed himself. I thought him hugely adult. Normally one sees nothing but spite. He took a different route and I was immensely proud of him but thought she was the one at fault and it was ok to say so.

He overflowed with loving sincerity and good will only to receive cold self centeredness. I made sure to stay in constant touch and be a good friend. My only advice was to tell him the faster he accepted she was gone the sooner his heart could heal. False hope is a time killer and destroyer. He would not let anyone speak ill of her but we are close enough I dropped some hints at her responsibility in all this.

Somewhat of a surprise but sooner rather than later, and while seeing a shrink, he went on to match .com. He has met several lovely women and spoke to me truthfully last week saying he can't imagine he would have spent the rest of his life with his now ex. I always felt he bent to her every whim and think now feels out from under something he didn't know he was under. He told me he feels 17 again some days. He truthfully wants his ex to be happy but ha cut off the emotional tie. she is miserable.

Whether any of this is something you can relate to only you can know- but there is definitely good life ahead for you if you grab it. Don't know your ex but if history is any teacher I doubt I can say the same for her.

Take extra good care of yourself physically over the next few weeks. Plan the best possible future for you and your son. Several here including myself will no doubt be pulling, and praying, for you

This!

I had a similar situation many years back, and put all of my effort into getting the kids. I prevailed, and it was the best decision I ever made.

WTF?

You and kamo been sippin' the saki together?

Of course you can step in the same river twice. Get out, step back in.

I think your being surrounded by Pollocks is making you stupid.



Travis

Pussy hurt runs deep in this one.

Ah, so true, Grasshopper. You can step from bank into river more than one time, but what make river?

Bank? No, water make river.

You step in water, it flows by, is gone. Step in again, is new water, not same water. River always new.

There's a great advantage in having an ex who has really exited.
The best thing mine ever gave me is the continuing ability to
know that no matter how bad things are, I don't have to deal with THAT, anymore.
Don't know who said it first, but it's good- "I ain't what I should be, I ain't what I wanna be, I ain't what I'm gonna be,
but, thank God, I ain't what I was".
Even the kids know what she is, now, and one of the best things to them is they know they don't have to be worried, for me.

That is a fact. On my second marriage and just had out 33 aniversary in January. Life DOES go on, and somehow we become better people. God doesn't let anything happen in our life that we can't handle. It's also not what happens to us in life that makes a difference, IT'S HOW WE RESPOND. THAT is all on you. Focus on your son. He needs you. He's just as lost as you are in understanding this whole thing.

Leave it to a fricken Plumber to explain flow patterns,,,,LOL.

A gynecologist would work as well.

ya know, I've done a little doctoring myself......

But I digress....

Get your head on straight. It will take a month or two. You have a few choices. Pick yourself up by the boot straps and move on...or don't. I highly recommend option 1. Take care of your boy, don't talk bad about his mom.

If you're sane, and have a job...you'll be pulling more wool than you ever though imaginable within 6 months.

12 year or maybe less from now your son can have a choice who he prefers to stay with . Never over the next few years talk bad about his Mother when he is in your presents .

I'd answer his questions about mommy honestly.

At age 4? I don't think so. I had the "why" talk with my daughter (21) for the first time over Christmas, 3 years post D. I'm still not sure she was ready yet.

Maybe answering honestly is the right thing, but I would certainly not tell everything, or even most. I would do a lot of dancing around certain issues.

Not at this point.

That's horrible advice.



Travis

When my ex wife's father died she and her husband at that time drove six hundred miles to attend the funeral. On the way home their junker car went down about two hundred miles from where I lived.
They had no money for a hotel and called my son to come and get them, but he didn't have enough to put them up so he did the only thing he could.
He called me and asked if he could bring them to my house. He tried his best to explain how sorry he was.

To this day he has no idea how much I enjoyed that couple of days they were there.
I had gone on with my life, my three kids had come to live with me and we were living damned well.

The low lifes had tried their best to destroy me and had only brought themselves down.
Living well IS the best revenge.

Well, I signed. Now I get to see if she signs too. If not, we go to court. In the end we were fighting over retirement funds, but I am young enough to get it back. I didn't have the motivation or funds to keep going. I spent over $8000 so far on this nightmare. It had to stop. I appreciate all the input. I hope I do rebound and find a woman that stands by her man going forward.

You'll find lots remember the 3 F's rule for a while
Trust me fun times are ahead
Just have fun don't look for the right woman it will happen on it's own

Best wishes to you, dogcatcher. Take care of yourself and that little man of yours.

It IS horrible advice. Tell him something like this:

"Your Mom and I started out as good friends. Then we got married so we could have you.Now we are going back to being good friends again".

That's sort of how I explained the deal to my six year old Grandkids when I split from their Grandmother last year. It satisfied them.

"No man ever steps into the same river twice." Attributed to Heraclitus, as noted in Plato's Cratylus.

Hang tuff, it WILL get better.

I got divorced after 26 years.6 months later, met a gal who will do anything for me. She took hunter safety and hunted turkey and deer last year. She just bought a Nosler M48 280AI and we just applied for antelope tags in WY. Life is pretty good! More importantly, my 2 daughters saw what their mother did to me. I took the high road and won big time on all accounts.

Keep the faith, you and your son will do well in life.

JD338

Once you realize and admit that your marriage failed because of what you and your wife did and didn't do, you will see that blaming her for everything is what prevents you from moving on.

I had a shrink tell me that it was my responsibility to tell kids what happened. His reasoning was:

"What - do you want them to grow up thinking that they can love someone with all their heart, & give 'til it hurts, but then things just 'might not work out'? That's bullshidt, and it might very well keep them from ever having a meaningful relationship with a woman. They need to know that if they both keep their pants on, they've got a fighting chance at making it: certainly no guarantees, but they'll at least have a good shot at it. But if either of them go chasing ass outside of the marriage, they're screwed (so to speak). Obviously, you don't tell them this today [the boys were 9 and under at the time], but they're gonna have to know this by the time they get to the age where they're gonna be dating women somewhat seriously. And by the time it comes to have that talk with them, you'll probably be to the point where you don't have to begin it with, 'That lying' whore... ' ".

His advice seems to have worked out pretty well.

Still, at no point did I tell them that we were going to be good friends. I'll not lie to my kids.

FC

FREE....FREE AT LAST!!

I would agree with that.

My kids have asked some questions and I have told them they can read every document and e-mail I have when I decide they're old enough. My son has asked direct questions to which he has gotten direct answers but he is emotionally mature for his age.

My daughter can ask those same questions when I decide she can.

There is no sugar coating in my house but there is no unnecessary information or bashing given either.



Travis

"I'll not lie to my kids."

In my case, it wasn't a lie.

The point is that you can find little snippets of truth appropriate for their level of understanding.

"Your Mom has a lot of good qualities, but.......... " is a good lead in.

"...since my dick wasn't attached to the neighbor's body, I can't speak to any of them."

Something like that?



Clark

Truth spoken.

Make a choice to realize you had some responsibility....even if it means missing red flags in the relationship. You are not a victim. Once you come to this conclusion, you feel empowered to move on and never look back.

Problem with that is you are admitting you were so stupid you married a bitch who had not one redeeming quality.

Of course, if that is the case...... confession is good for the soul.

But the kid is gonna look at you funny the rest of his life. Always thinking,"What a Dumbass".

We'll add humor to the list of things a Texan can always [bleep] up.



Travis

Forgiveness is for Jesus, we're human fuuk that!

kill kill kill

Easy pilgrim.
You are in over your head here.

Clark don't care. it still be Zen like for him.

I better call kamo.



Dave

Now we're supposed to care what some dirty Greek had to say.

Get real.



Travis

DC223 -Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your new start. Never been in this particular situation, but it seems the pendulum always swings the other way. Things will get better.

Very impressed by our very own Dr. Phil. Hear Ye, Hear Ye! 'Flave has a soul! I wonder what his hourly rate is for these internet therapy sessions and if comes with a complimentary dream catcher made by Dr. 'Flave.

"Very impressed by our very own Dr. Phil. Hear Ye, Hear Ye! 'Flave has a soul! I wonder what his hourly rate is for these internet therapy sessions and if comes with a complimentary dream catcher made by Dr. 'Flave."

Purely the influence of the Shrap.

dogcatcher223, all you need to know about life is just 3 words. It Goes On.

Agreed. With caveats:

First, you tell them in a way that does not force them to take sides. If you drag them in, you will lose. They're going to get to the truth in the long run. If you lie, they will bust you. You may gain something in the short run but in the long run, you'll lose more.

Second, what you tell them has to be age-appropriate, filtered so they understand, but without "spin." That's a place where having a shrink to help you separate "enough" from "too much" could be a good thing.

Tom

Yep. Telling the truth to a four year old has to be age appropriate and filtered correctly. I didn't say anything about bashing her. But don't think you can hide alot from a kid, they pretty much get things going on.
If you lie you're disrespecting and under-estimating the child. Being honest obviously has to be done appropriately. Only the campfire would jump to conclusion that I suggested to the contrary.

"Mommy was a slut and was screwing a police officer while daddy was working during the day. Mommy is screwed up because she's been used by men and had daddy issues from when she was your age."

it sucks, went through it last spring...no biological kids but my oldest stepdaughter chose me and spent the holidays hanging out with me and my family if that tells you anything bout my ex....as someone pointed out even after the papers are signed she may still try to phug with you....mine did her damndest to keep me from getting employed but did finally land a job that pays a fair bit more than i made working with her....infact out of town right now "on business" with a paid for hotel room and going out drinking with my brother tonight to see what entertainment is around...

the first while of all this phuggin sucks but it doesnt last if you dont let it.....

That is exactly what I did. I never hid the fact from the kids that I was a young and stupid young sailor and married the wrong woman for me. By the time they were six and nine they understood who was the bad guy and who was the good guy without my ever having said a word. Even at that young age they knew the constant flow of drunks spending the night and their mother being anything but a loving mother was not the way it was supposed to be. They were with me since I stole them across a bunch of state lines and they were the ones who initiated the stealing. Kids ain’t stupid.

Go fishing!!!

Congrats and put 100% of your love and energies into that young man! And I mean that.

Oh yeah I forgot....also, treat yourself to one those new pizzas wrapped in 3.5 feet of bacon for crust!!

BS. Yeah, it failed because he didnt fullfil all her dreams and make her eternally happy? It failed because he was not perfect?
Typical liberal bull crap. There is no right or wrong, right?

The vows didnt say to love cherish and honor unless your spouse is perfect or until you are tired of it or until you find a bigger stick.

only thing i blame myself for is not cutting and running when the girls did, when they gave up on their mom i should have too and got an 18 month head start on where i am now.....it is quite possible to not be the guys fault at all, in my case her own daughters lay the blame on her and not me.....

I know it sucks for now, I've been there and done that! But someday you'll look back and say it was probably the best thing that ever happened to you.
Put your trust in The Lord and make the transition as easy as possible for your son.
Kids are usually the ones that suffer the most from their parents divorcing.

This^^^. They are suffering more than you, as i did when my dad ran off for a whore lesving my three little brothers and sisters at home while i had one more year at college for my doctors degree.

There was no part his fault and my moms. Ohl i guess she could have snapped her fingers and been 20 years younger and with a big bank account left by a prematurely dead guy, but she didnt, so i guess it was partially her fault.

He made it two years with the biotch with a big house and big diamond rings.

That wasnt enough to be worth the nightmares i sufferd over my young siblings left without a father when i couldnt go home to help mom take care of them.

Some people are chitt walking on two sticks.

in late teens or early 20's (don't remember exactly when) I went through a bit of heartburn for my mom never telling me what a selfish dick my dad could be.


her answer was "he was to me, but I always hoped he'd love you kids enough that it wouldn't be that way with you, and if he was I didn't want to poison that relationship for the hurt I endured because of him"


never heard her speak ill of him the whole time I was growin up


she's a very nice lady that deserved a better son, if I could go back in time I'd kick the livin chit outa me for how I acted when I was a teen.

ain't nobody perfect, including my mom, but she's close enough for me.

was lucky to have her and grateful for some of the things I learned from my dad

but he was just a guy that seldom loved anyone as much as he loved himself.

but damn he knew how to party!

You will use this time as a reference point. You will refer to it later when you measure how much the rest of your life doesn't suck!

For now, treat each day as a survival challenge. Get through each day and they will become easier and better.

Bob

Thanks for all the input. I'm still alive...

any guy that has been thru a divorce in this country, feels for you...Women have it made... and men get screwed by the courts, especially if they are middle class white Caucasian...

I hope you make out well thru it all Dogcatcher... and kudos for wanting to hang onto your son...my ex managed to essentially take my kids away from me...strictly being a b-itch.. and the courts let her do anything her little heart desired...

you and your son will be in my prayers this evening...