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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,311 Likes: 9
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,311 Likes: 9 |
I had a shrink tell me that it was my responsibility to tell kids what happened. Agreed. With caveats: First, you tell them in a way that does not force them to take sides. If you drag them in, you will lose. They're going to get to the truth in the long run. If you lie, they will bust you. You may gain something in the short run but in the long run, you'll lose more. Second, what you tell them has to be age-appropriate, filtered so they understand, but without "spin." That's a place where having a shrink to help you separate "enough" from "too much" could be a good thing. Tom Yep. Telling the truth to a four year old has to be age appropriate and filtered correctly. I didn't say anything about bashing her. But don't think you can hide alot from a kid, they pretty much get things going on. If you lie you're disrespecting and under-estimating the child. Being honest obviously has to be done appropriately. Only the campfire would jump to conclusion that I suggested to the contrary. "Mommy was a slut and was screwing a police officer while daddy was working during the day. Mommy is screwed up because she's been used by men and had daddy issues from when she was your age."
_______________________________________________________ An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605 |
it sucks, went through it last spring...no biological kids but my oldest stepdaughter chose me and spent the holidays hanging out with me and my family if that tells you anything bout my ex....as someone pointed out even after the papers are signed she may still try to phug with you....mine did her damndest to keep me from getting employed but did finally land a job that pays a fair bit more than i made working with her....infact out of town right now "on business" with a paid for hotel room and going out drinking with my brother tonight to see what entertainment is around...
the first while of all this phuggin sucks but it doesnt last if you dont let it.....
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 39,301 |
Problem with that is you are admitting you were so stupid you married a bitch who had not one redeeming quality.
Of course, if that is the case...... confession is good for the soul.
But the kid is gonna look at you funny the rest of his life. Always thinking,"What a Dumbass".
That is exactly what I did. I never hid the fact from the kids that I was a young and stupid young sailor and married the wrong woman for me. By the time they were six and nine they understood who was the bad guy and who was the good guy without my ever having said a word. Even at that young age they knew the constant flow of drunks spending the night and their mother being anything but a loving mother was not the way it was supposed to be. They were with me since I stole them across a bunch of state lines and they were the ones who initiated the stealing. Kids ain’t stupid.
The first time I shot myself in the head...
Meniere's Sucks Big Time!!!
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 33,971
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 33,971 |
Go fishing!!! Congrats and put 100% of your love and energies into that young man! And I mean that. Oh yeah I forgot....also, treat yourself to one those new pizzas wrapped in 3.5 feet of bacon for crust!!
Last edited by byc; 02/23/15.
Proud to be a true Sandlapper!!
Go Nats!!!!
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856 |
...I will never forgive her. Once you realize and admit that your marriage failed because of what you and your wife did and didn't do, you will see that blaming her for everything is what prevents you from moving on. BS. Yeah, it failed because he didnt fullfil all her dreams and make her eternally happy? It failed because he was not perfect? Typical liberal bull crap. There is no right or wrong, right? The vows didnt say to love cherish and honor unless your spouse is perfect or until you are tired of it or until you find a bigger stick.
Last edited by eyeball; 02/23/15.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of patriots and tyrants.
If being stupid allows me to believe in Him, I'd wish to be a retard. Eisenhower and G Washington should be good company.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605 |
...I will never forgive her. Once you realize and admit that your marriage failed because of what you and your wife did and didn't do, you will see that blaming her for everything is what prevents you from moving on. only thing i blame myself for is not cutting and running when the girls did, when they gave up on their mom i should have too and got an 18 month head start on where i am now.....it is quite possible to not be the guys fault at all, in my case her own daughters lay the blame on her and not me.....
Last edited by rattler; 02/23/15.
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,275 Likes: 12
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 69,275 Likes: 12 |
I know it sucks for now, I've been there and done that! But someday you'll look back and say it was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. Put your trust in The Lord and make the transition as easy as possible for your son. Kids are usually the ones that suffer the most from their parents divorcing.
"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." Sam Houston Texans, "We say Grace, We Say Mam, If You Don't Like it, We Don't Give a Damn!"
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856 |
I know it sucks for now, I've been there and done that! But someday you'll look back and say it was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. Put your trust in The Lord and make the transition as easy as possible for your son. Kids are usually the ones that suffer the most from their parents divorcing. This^^^. They are suffering more than you, as i did when my dad ran off for a whore lesving my three little brothers and sisters at home while i had one more year at college for my doctors degree. There was no part his fault and my moms. Ohl i guess she could have snapped her fingers and been 20 years younger and with a big bank account left by a prematurely dead guy, but she didnt, so i guess it was partially her fault. He made it two years with the biotch with a big house and big diamond rings. That wasnt enough to be worth the nightmares i sufferd over my young siblings left without a father when i couldnt go home to help mom take care of them. Some people are chitt walking on two sticks.
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of patriots and tyrants.
If being stupid allows me to believe in Him, I'd wish to be a retard. Eisenhower and G Washington should be good company.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20,683
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 20,683 |
in late teens or early 20's (don't remember exactly when) I went through a bit of heartburn for my mom never telling me what a selfish dick my dad could be.
her answer was "he was to me, but I always hoped he'd love you kids enough that it wouldn't be that way with you, and if he was I didn't want to poison that relationship for the hurt I endured because of him"
never heard her speak ill of him the whole time I was growin up
she's a very nice lady that deserved a better son, if I could go back in time I'd kick the livin chit outa me for how I acted when I was a teen.
ain't nobody perfect, including my mom, but she's close enough for me.
was lucky to have her and grateful for some of the things I learned from my dad
but he was just a guy that seldom loved anyone as much as he loved himself.
but damn he knew how to party!
I'm pretty certain when we sing our anthem and mention the land of the free, the original intent didn't mean cell phones, food stamps and birth control.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,275
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,275 |
Thanks for the wishes.
I have determined you aren't really a man until you have been ruined by a woman. I had the world by the balls the day before she left me.
You will use this time as a reference point. You will refer to it later when you measure how much the rest of your life doesn't suck! For now, treat each day as a survival challenge. Get through each day and they will become easier and better. Bob
I met a French guy the other day. I asked him "Do you speak German?" He said "No." I said "You're welcome!"
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 17,527
Campfire Ranger
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OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 17,527 |
Thanks for all the input. I'm still alive...
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,819 Likes: 4
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,819 Likes: 4 |
Literally feel nauseous tonight.
15 years down the drain. 4 year old son that I will only get to see half the time now.
I've spent $8000 in legal fees that I don't have, to fight over stuff I don't even care about. I either sign tomorrow, or it goes to court...She started talking about going after my guns and tools this week if I didn't agree to the latest proposal. I said "you want my f.ucking guns and tools? take them then!"
It was Steelhead that summed it up years ago for me here with regards to "stuff." Only thing I care about at this point is my son.
I will never forgive her.
any guy that has been thru a divorce in this country, feels for you...Women have it made... and men get screwed by the courts, especially if they are middle class white Caucasian... I hope you make out well thru it all Dogcatcher... and kudos for wanting to hang onto your son...my ex managed to essentially take my kids away from me...strictly being a b-itch.. and the courts let her do anything her little heart desired... you and your son will be in my prayers this evening...
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