Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire To boldly go where no man has gone before

The shaman is giving himself a colonoscopy for his birthday.

Liftoff is scheduled for 1600 LIMA today. That's when I start drinking the go-juice that I just mixed and put in the fridge. That puts MECO sometime before 2300 (God willing). Lunar Orbit Insertion is at 0745 tomorrow. Where's Rocky when you need him?

The pad is ready. I can get Netflix in the bathroom. I treated myself to an online subscription to Rifle, Handloading, and Successful Hunter. There's two full jars of beef bullion next to the microwave, and Lemon-Lime Gatorade in the fridge. I also have Ken Water's Pet Loads handy.

KYHillChick is taking off work as well to act as ground crew.

Good attitude. Hope you have an easy flight.

For a few hours after you'll be "squeaky clean".

You won't remember a thing... except the foul taste of the prep

Hope all is well.

Best wishes, Chris

well, you are wrong in saying 'where no man has gone before'. Trust me on that.

Other than that nasty drink, and the ignominy of hours on the porcelain potty, it's not that bad. Really. Like I said.......trust me.

I hate ignominy.


My first one is set for early September, can't wait.

Take Depends along for after. You'll be blowing wet dispelling the gas they inflate you with. Sweet dreams!

Trust me: I may have a 4-year degree from a music school. They may have made me wear a pink tassel on my mortarboard, but NO man has ever gone there. No woman has ever gone there. No vertebrate has ever gone there. I haven't even gone there.

I thought I'd give you a look inside the Command Module.



The one thing you can't see is the 21 inch Hi-Def screen that's over the laptop.

I'm thinking that the half roll of toilet paper that I see might not be enough...

Hope you have lots in reserve (or, better yet, babywipes!)

John

Although it can be an unpleasant experience, there are very good reasons to have them!

Just had my second scope about a month ago....got lucky and the surgeon was able to cut out all the bad stuff with the scope....have to have a follow up next year to make sure nothing grew back......

My fishing partner on the other hand wasn't so lucky.....waited too long to have his first and he had such a large tumor that they couldn't get the scope up all the way into the colon. The tumor was even larger than they had estimated and found during surgery, that it had attached itself to his lower spine area.

They believe they got most all of the tumor and have him on chemo right now.......

Good luck with your procedure!

Thanks for asking.

Mom and Dad were Depression-Era kids, so I was raised in a house with a massive amounts of storage. Staples were always bought in bulk. You just never knew. You can't see it, but there's 24 rolls of Charmin just outside the door that I found down the basement last weekend. Thanks Dad.

There's also a shower just to the right of the shot with a shower massage on a hose.

That's a bummer about your buddy. I'm the first one in the family to take this adventure, so I'm optimistic. Dad died at 85 having zero problems. On the other hand my folks' closest friends were not so lucky. The husband didn't take the thing seriously and lied to his wife about going to the doctor. He died in agony 3 years later.

Another of Shaman's, 'Pooh', stories in the making?

Hope this is just a routine checkup and nothing suspicious going on.

I have had the routine checkups in the past and have another scheduled in January,

So far, so good. Each one shows I am a perfect arse hole.

Good luck.

Wayne

Preparation H.

The cream style..... not the old "ointment" type.

And where's the .45 in the ziploc?

I'm right here, Shaman. But do you really want an event-by-event commentary of the countdown process? Even in my best FM voice, I doubt it would be worth hearing.

Wishing nothing but the best outcome for you, my friend. As others have said, don't sweat it. Being hungry as hell is the worst part, actually. Have something light and sweet like a breakfast bar in the car to nibble on while your wife drives you home. Then something light like scrambled eggs and toast. You'd really regret a drive-through double bacon cheeseburger, believe me.

What a bunch of chicken livers. It ain't no big deal, especially for those of us who swill PEG 3350 every night before bed so we ain't crapping Presto Logs in the morning. Good thing that giant jug of loveliness tastes salty from the included electrolytes, because otherwise the Polyethylene Glycol would suck all the electrolytes out of your body and leave you cramping and maybe unconscious.

Just make sure your wife doesn't buy lime Jello for the prep session, if you find any, flush it down the toilet or risk being reminded of every cafeteria you ever suffered.

In my case, the doc stuck the scope down my throat to check for ulcerations from decades of Naprosyn, before sticking one up my wazoo. Took a little extra hit of fentanyl so I could swallow the bloody thing, but he finally got it down. Then he slid a scope up the old bowel. Reminded me of watching a Roto-Rooter pipe inspection camera going up the lazy river.

He found a couple of things and snipped them out, I didn't feel a thing. One was a "pre-cancerous polyp" the other just a lump of tissue that was nothing. It was easy-peasy, over before I knew it. Far better than the old barium x-ray where they would shove a plug up your butt, then fill you up with a heavy metal oxide solution, then inflate your bowel with air so they could image the intestinal wall, all the while they tipped and rotated you on a swiveling table. "Just a few more puffs of air, Mr. Wrangler." Now I know how a balloon feels. You were directed to the nearest toilet afterward, to expel a Mount Saint Helen's sized pyroclastic flow, a pneumatic eruption of air mixed with barium - kaboom, rumble, rumble, ftttttt, splash! Worse part was waiting in the out-patient ward before and after. So, quit yer whining about a little gut check. Besides, your prostrate is calling. Next!

I thought for sure this was going to be a joke about a guy having sex with Rosie O donnell

I can't get this to open otherwise. Enjoy!!!


[video:google]https://vimeo.com/24340828[/video]

Drat, I was going to have her stop for some Popeye's. I guess I'll have to wait a hour or two.

Rocky, I'll have your voice in my ears as I lie straining in my 5-point restraint tonight.

"Press to MECO. Press to MECO. Press to MECO . . . "