Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Attack o' da crack ho!

It's Friday afternoon and I'm in my pick up draggin' my saggin' ass back to the belly of the beast to put in another 9 or 10 hours of puttin' up with stupid chit in exchange for them givin' me enough health insurance to keep me alive,..... so I'll keep draggin' my saggin' ass back to the belly of the beast,... etc.

Anyway, I gotta cut through the seediest part of town to make my way there. I don't really mind. Generally speakin', I exude the aura of a surly hillbilly who keeps a .44 special handy and as a result, the goblins keep their distance.

Well, the light at the intersection of 7th and North Limestone caught me today,... which really ain't a bad thing,... 'cause that's the corner where Al's Bar is and lemme tell yas, a freak show it IS!,.... always a herd of crack ho's and their raggedy ass pimps loafin' around there,,.... wearin' their dollar store straw hats painted burgandy with a fuggin' chicken feather pokin' all up outta the band,... thinkin' they're all clean and chit,...... well,.... when I'm draggin' back to work it don't take much to entertain me, and scannin' the daily herd of crack ho's is always worth doin'.

So I'm sittin' there at the red light,..... mind just coastin',.. takin' in the sights and sounds of the ghetto,..... and alla sudden, here she comes!,... right out in the damn middle of the street! I kinda direct my attention straight forward and try to go into denial about the whole thing,... like,.. "Nah,... that crack ho ain't tryin' ta make eye contact wid me.,.... she ain't gonna hit me up",.... but she did.

Now lemme tell yas about this particular crack ho. I mean,... I ain't naive,... I been around enough ta know that ain't too many crack ho's contendin' fer a page in Vanity Fair. But this one was 'special'. This had to be the plug ugliest crack ho in the city. I mean,... her looks had done bypassed 'ugly' and firmly established themselves in the catagory of 'scary.

No chit,.... you could dress up like this wench fer Halloween. We're talkin' Night of the Living Dead in purple fuggin' sweat pants here.

She gettin' closer, and sure enough,... she hit's me up. It's a warm day, I got my window down, she runs up to it, opens her mouth, and from somewhere behind them 3 teeth that she been savin' fer a rainy day comes out,... "What about you givin' me a ride?"

I'm tryin' ta be all stoic and chit so I just keep lookin' straight forward and shake my head 'no',... but that ain't good enough for her. She slinks past the front of my truck,... walks around to the passenger side,... tries to open the locked door,....... I look over at her,.. shake my head again, and loudly say 'NO!'

Well,.... she commences ta bitchin'.

"What's the matter with you men today?!,... won't givva lady a ride,.... I just wanna go down to blah blah blah blah blah!"

I'm just sittin' there shakin' my head,..... but I do take the time to roll up my window and lock the drivers side door,..... alla while I'm just hopin' the skank don't throw a leg over and pile her ugly ass up in the bed of my pick up.

I like to think of myself as having reached an age of at least marginal dignity. Once upon a time, I wouldn't a' thunk nuthin' of it,... but these days I'd just as soon not have to wrestle a crack ho out the bed of my pick up truck in front of Al's Bar down at the intersection of Seventh and North Lime. There just ain't no appeal left in it fer me,... yanno?

But she don't climb in. What she does do is walk back out in the street,... right in front of my F-150, and continue her bitchin' while lookin' at me through the windshield.

"I jest won't a RIDE, dammit! What da fuggin' problem?!"

By now I done hadda 'nuff. It's Friday. I'd rather go 3 rounds with Mike Tyson than have to put in another night at work,... and I ESPECIALLY ain't enthusiastic about havin' ta wrestle a crack ho ta get there,.... so I roll my window down,.... stick my head out it and shout.

"LISTEN HO!,... IF YOU WANNA RIDE, YOU JUST KEEP YOUR SNAGGLETOOF ASS PLANTED IN FRONT OF MY TRUCK UNTIL THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN AND YOU'LL GET A GOOD 'UN!"

The remaining herd of crack ho's on the corner had been watchin' the proceedings and her antics had obviously transcended even the boundaries of crack ho etiquette,... so they started hollerin' at her too.

"GET OUT DA DAMN ROAD!",...

Eventually, she must have concluded that her crack ho GPS had malfunctioned to the extent that she thought I would purchase a 3 tooth tumble off her,.... and she wandered back to the curb.

,.... as if I'm gonna spend a $10 tab of Viagra on her butt ugly ass,....

Time's must be hard,....

ROTFL!

eloquent without question,,but sir,,you did not display an address to avoid future altercations for the rest of us.

Don't be tryin' ta pull my leg.

You just want the address so you can look her up.

Best I can tell yas,... she can be found in front of Al's Bar in Lexington KY,.... Friday afternoons seem to be optimum.

Just wave a 10 dollar bill at the dead woman in the purple sweat pants who's too ornery to fall over.

She'll get back with ya.

On my way to work I didn't go through an area where I'd think there were many crack hos. I rarely lock the doors to my rig when I'm driving but this day I should have. She jumped in the passenger seat while asking for a ride. She claimed she needed 54 cents to have enough money to buy a jar of instant coffee. It was a warm day and she was shivering.

I took her the few blocks to the store and booted her ass out in the parking lot and told her to hit someone else up for the 54 cents. Damn truck cab (mine is an old F250) smelled like her, and she needed a shower, for a couple of days.

Fitty four cent?,.... add that to the $10 fer the tab of Viagra,.... squeeze ya eyes real tight,.... concentrate on an image of Sandra Bullock,..... hell man,... it's cheaper than getting married!

Maybe I been too hasteful.

I gotta think,.....

I'd have had to have the $10 Viagra and found a galvanized steel bucket to put over her head, mine, or both. Too much trouble.

Bristoe, do you admire Nathan Bedford Forrest for his military prowess and bravery during the war or for his activities after the war? Or both? Just curious.

Your cell phone doesn't take pictures? I feel cheated.

Nathan Bedford Forrest was Nathan Bedford forrest.

He was more of a man than most contemporary men can ever hope to be.

I admire the man.

I make no apologies for it and take offense to those who think I should.

Does that answer your question for you?

I'm reminded of a line from 'My Cousin Vinny' that goes, "You're a smooth talker, you are, you are!" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'll accept that as high praise from you, Coleman,..... but to be more accurate, I'm a workin' class dog who kicks into "verbal" own Satidday nights after a 56 hour week,..... with the assistance of some 80 proof liquor and the events of cruising through the ghetto.

You could do it too,....

It's all in the mentality and the "gist".

Touchy, but yeah, that answers it.

Nah,.... ain't so touchy,.... but I lack the motivation to justify my leanings.

Popeye the fuggin' sailor man ain't got chit own me when it comes to "I am what I am",.....

Quit the drinking 40+ years ago and I hate to drive through the good parts of a town, much less the bad parts. I realize that sometimes it's necessary but, thankfully, my circumstances don't require it. I realize how trying it could be.

I suspect the reference to Nathan Bedford Forrest was due to his association with the Klan's formation. The original Klan was in existence for only about 5 years and was, in its original form, a pretty good thing. What came into being in the early 20th century was a despicable thing. I knew many Klansmen in my youth and they were all white trash.

I like this picture of Nathan Bedford Forrest better.

I make no judgement on Bristoe, I was just curious which aspects of the man he admired. Your above statement is subjective though. While my ancestors were plantation owners and slaveholders, they also killed many Ku Klux during reconstruction as their lands were being acquired from them by the Ku Klux in various nefarious ways.

Could well be. I read a book about it but can't remember the title. I've gotten pretty skeptical about almost anything I've read realizing that almost no person can be free of some bias and just because somebody writes a book doesn't mean that it's accurate.

I agree, one book does not a truthful history make. But in this case there are 93 references that I'm aware of, and that is besides the oral history handed down to me. This includes Federal and State records such as the Freedman's Bureau. Anyone is welcome to PM me if interested, but I fully expect no one to be interested in my family history except me.

My point is, don't think that I just read some book and posted this. I heard it first from my relatives and then checked in the written accounts.

Bristoe, apologies. I'll take it elsewhere. FWIW, crack ho's suck.

Back when I was on the job, I worked the Midnite tour. I would stop a guy just after I saw a crack ho get out of his car and give him the "hygiene lecture" It went like this "75% of the whores in this city are HIV positive. I know who they are, you don't. I ain't gonna tell you either but if I were you when I got home I'd boil my dick in Clorox. Have a nice Day sir. I would NOT see that idiot again.