Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Dealing with the Issues Associated with Elderly Parents

Mother in-law has cancer, she ignored it too long, now down to 90 lbs have no idea how she is hanging in there, wife and her sister are dealing with it, but she should be in hospice, father in law has been diagnosed with dimentia, neither one wants to allow anybody in, so the wife and sister just keep going on, although it appears harder on my wife than her younger sister that lives with them.
Stubborn Dutch that came here in 1954, was alright to be stubborn when healthy, but now they watch their mom treating husband very badly, sure taking its toll.

my wife may have 2-3 months left only God knows if there will be more but we have every thing in place for when she goes home, now if i died tomorrow we would be in a fix, every thing is now in my nane with a list for the kids and Gkids both are parents are gone ahead her 2 brothers and my brother,, ands yes we went through some heartacke with MIL .kids and Gkids have all visited , shes ready and is willing for hospis,

does not want me to go through her dying at home,,PTL

norm

Bless your hearts, all of you. You are a very noble lot. Most of you will shake your head at my comment, because you do what you know you are supposed to do. But you do it where and when a lot of other people wouldn't. So hang in there and if it means anything you have my respect.

Got several grandparents right now that need more care than they want to accept.

Dad's mom, 89, has a million things wrong with her, has unfortunately allowed my Dad's siblings and their kids to move in with her. They actually are able to help her, and do, but they've also helped to clean her out financially. She's broke. She doesn't understand how broke she is, though my dad has gotten her to stop giving cash out to relatives, but the reverse mortgage is spent, her now deceased husband's retirement savings are gone. She has nothing left. Somehow, one of the felon cousins came through with property tax money for her this year. Who knows what he stole to get it. So she's got that going for her. She has sufficient funds to pay the electric bill, but the felons have learned that you don't actually have to pay it in full, just $50 every so often and they will only threaten to turn off the power. I mean, why pay your bills, if you only really have to pay partially?

Mom's 89 year old mom has had two bad falls and a weird drug interaction where my mom found her catatonic and in bed mid day from the night before. She is recovering from that now. She does not want to go to any kind of assisted living and doesn't really want anyone coming over to help. Wants her privacy. She's losing it mentally and has lost her driver's license again. Big burden on my mom, but at least she's agreed to temporary stays in a nursing facility when my parents go on extended trips.

Wife's grandma is only 74, but on a colostomy bag, can't negotiate the stairs in her home and can't change the bag on her own. Still smokes like a chimney. Has one daughter driving 2 hours most weeks to help her out around the house, other daughter drives 4 hours when daughter one can't help. Wife's mom and dad is moving down from Alaska, partially to help, also to be closer to the next one on the list.

Last of the single grandparents is wife's dad's dad, aged 94. Thankfully he agreed to a retirement community that allows one to graduate from no care to full care in one place when his wife died 25 years ago. Some lawyers in town allow him to show up to "work" every once in a while. He can't drive and crapped himself in the post office recently, has zero short term memory, doesn't know who is daughter in law or grandkids are anymore. But he's being taken care of and hasn't put up a fight. All the caregivers do is open his door to check on him every morning and that's sufficient at this stage.

I can realistically see all four of them going within a condensed time frame, like under two years. I forced my parents to wake up and get a will done a few months after two funerals in the past year. They were 67 and 68 and hadn't done one yet. Two of these grandparents have wills, DNR orders and their other affairs in order. The other two don't, so that's gonna be difficult. Oh and those are the two with the largest families and most children who can fight over stuff.

All my kids need to do is leave a shotgun handy for me.Fugg assisted living or a nursing home.

my mother in law has sugar real bad. she never eats right. i've seen her sugar at 550 and as low as 38 several times in the last year. last month while in the hospital she had a heart attack and the finally figured out she had a heart problem for years. she is doing better now then she has in years. i mow her yard weekly,wife feeds her,takes her to the doctor,keeps her meds straight,all while my brother in laws(3 of them) set back and watch.

didn't read all this. my wife is in poor health, and at times acts old; mostly from the pain pills I think. As for family taking advantage; get the case workers involved, there is an extra layer of protection for elderly/at risk people. Be aware that will get .gov involved, though.

Wife and I are the old people who need looked after now, I am still in good health and am able and willing (eager)to care for my wife

Not all homes are terrible, we live in rural area and we have a county home, it is beautiful and expensive $7200:00 per month, my mom was discharged from the hospital because insurance said they could do no more, she is 83 and had rheumatic fever as a child, so after several open heart surgeries and valve replacements and fifty years of rejection drugs her heath is not well, liver and kidney failure.
She was sent to a facility for rehab to get her back on her feet, we toured all of the ones in our area, the county home was by far the best, the girls that helped her were fantastic, caring and very compassionate, either my sister or my self went there every day she was there, which was 21 days, they were wonderful, they set up her dialysis and had her ready to go when I got there. I can't say enough about how caring they were.
That was over three month ago, she is home and doing better each day, she gets cards from the girls that helped her, they call her frequently.
Is it hard to care for her, of course but thats who we are, she cared for us all of our lives, we take the time now to give a little of it back.
Like other have said, I have no desire to live that long.

If they are wealthy enough, they move into an Assisted Living Retirement community. If not and no kids, they probably end up in the care of Social Services agencies.