Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Cremation ashes/ Does this seem strange?

I spoke to a man in my club who's wife died. He had her direct cremated. Her ashes returned in a bag inside a box.

He bought a cremation urn from Walmart, stainless steel. He put her ashes in and used roofing sealant to seal it shut. He dug a hole and poured some concrete in the bottom. He made a wood box from plywood. Inside that box he put in a concrete form tube. He poured concrete between the walls. Then he poured a concrete cap to cover. He draped plastic over the box and set the cap on top. He buried it. Then he bought a small marble marker with her name on it. All this he did in her flower bed next to the house.

He said if he ever moves he will take the marker and urn with him, and do it again wherever he goes. His son's know where it is and should he not leave and die himself they will mix his ashes with hers and dispose of them however they wish. He is currently about 60 years old, his wife died of cancer.

He said he didn't want the urn in his house, didn't want to look at it every day. I can see that.

Is this a bit strange? I can see it, I have no issue with it, but others might see it as strange.

Every person handles grief in a different way. Seems to him to be the thing to do, so who are we to question?

No, it seems like a perfectly normal way to deal with loss.

Not strange to me.

Different but his business.

Strange is 'sharing' another person's grief on the internet.

She has been gone for a couple years. This is as anonymous as it gets. Not like I called his name out. I found his story useful, I may do the same if Diana dies. A funeral is not going to happen for either of us.

The part I found strange was Walmart carrying cremains urns.

Sounds like a plan to me. Not exactly sure what my wife and I want yet, but probably cremation. I'm considering having the ashes of whichever dies first placed in an urn and stored until the the other dies. Then leave instructions for my kids to use the money saved from a funeral for a road trip to scatter our ashes in several places where we have been.

Walmart carries every thing. It would not surprise me if these con man funeral directors buy from Walmart the jack the price up 1000%.


https://www.walmart.com/ip/Urnsdirect2U-Middleton-Royal-Red-Adult-Cremation-Urn-220-Cu-In/48810572

I'm a retired funeral director. Walmart is carrying cheaply made Chinese urns. Not to say some funeral homes don't carry those also, but I know where I worked carried high quality urns...and they were high priced too, Marked up double back then, but the same thing is done in virtually every industry with many products.

I saw ashes turned into synthetic diamonds, made into glass paperweights and jewelry, flushed down a toilet, and loaded as buffer into shotgun shells. To each his own.

I know a guy who digs up about half dozen dogs every time he moves...and he's moved a lot!

The dead are honored and grieved over less and less. Not lamenting, just pointing out where our culture is headed. Not many give a **** about parents or grandparents anymore in today's nuclear families. Put on your seat belts.

One of the stone carvers who spent 30 years on the National Cathadral wanted to bury his wife there.

She wasn’t important enough.

He mixed her ashes in the mortar and put her in one of the highest towers.

Seems reasonable to me.

Built her a nice solid shelter with his own hands is a place she enjoyed.

Didn't break the bank.

Wanted to keep her close, but not too close.

And even if I didn't consider his actions reasonable, so long as he's not creating a public health hazard, I would see no reason to substitute my judgement for his.

I think I might do that in case mine came back to life

A funeral is to help those left behind to deal with the loss. They need it for closure and you're depriving them of it. Do it for them.

My 1st wife died of cancer when I was 58. She was also cremated and my potter nephew made an urn. There's a small cemetery about 140 miles from here where many of my relatives are buried. Our family owns a block of plots and we can bury up to 4 urns per plot. We buried the urn there with a headstone. There's no need for a vault or to cover the urn. Pottery will last for centuries. She was a Christian so she's not there anyway. Ashes are just ashes.

Very touching. The man has a huge heart and it would be an honor to know him.


DMc

Big Lebowski coffee can urns work well...

Sounds just fine to me.

I've requested that when the time comes my family is to wrap my body in canvas and toss me out of an airplane at 30k feet over the Bob Marshall or remote CO. Rockies so as to impact at terminal velocity, returning my misspent matter back to earth. The kids think the idea is kinda cool but the wife scoffs, muttering something about legal concerns.

I'll probably end up torched and in a box on a closet shelf.

20 years ago, my SIL's husband died young. I never knew him but I've heard that he was a real SOB. They lived in Anchorage and he wanted his ashes tossed to the wind from the top of Flattop Mtn just outside of Anchorage. She climbed up there and gave them a toss but a tricky wind blew them all right back in her face and hair. She went home and showered and a good bit of him went down the drain.

I knew a girl that was widowed at a very young age. Her husband was quite a bit older, and a biker type scumbag.

He got killed in a bike wreck of course... She told me that they had a big party and mixed his ashes into a large doobie, and everyone got high smoking him and the marijuana... She said there were probably enough drungs in his ashes that everyone would have gotten high even if they left the pot out.

My mom had a custom urn carved of wood that's a likeness of my dad casting a flyrod.

She keeps it on the fireplace mantle. Once a year, during the hatch, she take him down to the "Holy Waters" of the Au Sable.

Do I think it's weird, yeah, kinda.'

Not as bad as Keith Richards, he snorted his Dad's ashes...true

"The truth of the matter is that after having Dad’s ashes in a black box for six years, because I really couldn’t bring myself to scatter him to the winds, I finally planted a sturdy English oak to spread him around.

‘And as I took the lid off of the box, a fine spray of his ashes blew out on to the table. I couldn’t just brush him off so I wiped my finger over it and snorted the residue.

‘Ashes to ashes, father to son. He is now growing oak trees and would love me for it."

not strange to me at all. I have had remains for quite a few years. I know one person that has an urn sitting on a shelf above the bed.

Doesn't seem strange to me.

I know the location of quite a few cremation burial sites along the Au Sable...found a few just poking around or mushroom hunting.

God bless your momma....

Nothing weird at all. Funerals are for the living.
My mom and stepdad were cremated, and they wanted to be scattered big time. No funeral, just a gathering where the ashes were parceled out to those who wanted some. Some in Dakota, some in Arizona, some here in Montana, some in the Pacific and some in Idaho. I'm working on it.

I'd like to be dumped off an overpass into a gondola of steam coal....that way I'll eventually see the whole world.

Lining a funeral home's pockets is not my idea of grieving. If I outlive my wife I will grieve privately. Don't need people patting me on the back.

My best friends wife did something similar. He was cremated, and she divided his ashes into 4 containers and gave them to friends/family. I thought it was horrible to split up the remains, but there's old Jim up on my book shelf. 1/4 of him anyway.

I've got an elk wallow picked out for my ashes, seems like the best kind of container. Hopefully one of my friends who remembers where it is will be able to climb up there and throw me in.

My brother passed last winter. We kept some of his ashes and took them out to the CRP and dropped them at the base of some of the wildflowers on our farm. The rest are at our families cemetery next to his wife.

kwg

I told my wife, and she agreed, if you want a memorial wait 6 months. The lite the grills up and throw a party. Be happy, enjoy, we are with the Lord.

Now my sister in law says she would like Diana to have a funeral. Well, in the first place my wife comes from a dysfunctional family. When her mother died they fought over the estate. My wife was the sole beneficiary of the estate, but she allowed them to take whatever they wanted. And they fought over that. Two brothers have not spoken to each other over a damned washing machine 18 years ago.

We have been married for 12 years and not a single visit from anyone in Diana's family. We have gone there a few times, but that's it. She does talk to her sister a lot on the phone though.

My family isn't mush better.

So [bleep] their closure, I ain't paying for that chit. They want that, they better be on hand with a check. I don't need it, niether does my step son. In fact I'm going to do exactly what this guy did. It sounds perfect right now.

But watch the wind...

Yep whatever floats yur boat.

My buddy told me he'd informed his wife to have him cremated.....put the ashes in her douche bag and run him through one more time!

Walmart carries urns? Wow..... the perfect halloween candy dish for the kids. Wonder what section of the store they are in? I can't get my head around that part.

Grocery? Sporting good? gardening? hardware? what is the appropriate store section for Urns and coffins? Is there a back room section at walmart regular folks don't know about?

Probably easiest to buy online.

https://www.walmart.com/search/?query=urns%20for%20cremation%20ashes&typeahead=urn

ANF, tell your sister in law to stick it up her can sideways. Not her call.

I just got done with the estate for my parents and a funeral would have been wasted onmy stepsibling's feelings.

For example, my stepdad had a sextant he'd been issued in June 1944 to navigate the Lindenwald, Anzio and even the Essex in the Pacific. When we "gathered," none of the other kids (all steps) remembered what was in its case, and had me open it. Then of course, they got all excited. I wanted to ship it to USMMA to be given to the best student in navigation class. THEY wanted to sell the effer on E-bay! Wouldn't let me have it, of course.
Then, they were going through the passports, right, all the way from his first mariner's passport issued in 1940 that got him through the war. I go down later on, and there they are, all of them, in the trash. So, I took the mariner's passport, and one last time, opened the sextant case, placed it inside, locked the case one last time, and cried.

My stepbrother (and unfortunately, co-executor) followed me to "supervise" and just stood there watching. No class at all.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I looked. You will find them under Home->Funeral->Cremation Urns

It is worth noting that if cremation isn't your thing you can also get caskets through Wal-Mart

Outdoors.
and on sale

Depends.

What kind of roofing sealant was used on that urn?

I plan on being scattered out at the deer lease, wifey wants to be scattered at a beach.

I was made sole beneficiary of a substantial estate, but told them to get me off that, the trouble I had
with being only part beneficiary & executor of a previous estate was unpleasant enough.

but we didn't argue over the washing machine, he just took it without asking and I didn't raise
the petty matter.

my attorney said I should be grateful for the problems I had, for some of the other family estate conflicts
they have been required to handle, made mine pale into relative insignificance.

check home improvement

I dated a girl once who kept a flannel shirt laying across her bed after it was made. I didnt think anything of it, but she finally told me that it had belonged to her father who had passed a couple of years before I met her. She told me that it still had the fragrance of his cologne and it comforted it her in a way. She asked me if it was strange, and I told her no not at all.

My stepdad is in a brown plastic box, inside a green fleece bag. It rides In the back of the Truck his estate bought for me. He go's on every fishing or hunting trip the truck is used for.

Doesn't seem at all strange to me. I want to be set out in the woods where i use to hunt and let the coyotes have a good meal. I have been told that is weird.

Now that's a great idea, every rut, you'll be chasing cows, riding along on the bulls.

People buried their dead in the "family plot" out back of the farmhouse for many years. Really seem to have stopped only a few decades ago. Other than his desire to exhume and take it with him when he moves, I really don't see how this is much different.

I'm going to do the exact same thing he did when my wife dies, in the exact same way.

Had some family friends do that with a baby that died....
When the wife died, the husband did the same thing with her...

Funny thing, was the wife was an alcoholic, and died from cirrhosis.
But she had a Pug dog, and when he died, she had him stuffed,
in a position like he was begging...

then she, he was put in a glass display case...
and was put in a concrete box, with a removable lid...
she use to pull him out when she was drinking...
She wanted her ashes buried with the glass display case of her Pug...

We never questioned it, but it didn't have to be said, that it was weird....

We still see some of those little family cemeteries out in the Western states when you get away from the cities out into the ranch and farm country. A few of them out on the reservation too. Still in active use too.

I know some people down the road a few miles. They bought an old farm house with 2 graves in the middle of the back yard. The wood markers are there but the writing has long since weathered off and no one knows who they are.

i have a cemetary in my yard. a guy and his family all died in aug 1855. i've met his descendants. i have my shooting bench set up right beside old isaacs head stone.

I imagine old Isaac would appreciate that. Hell, he might even spot for you if he was still kicking.

Someone told me Colorado allows private cemetaries if you have a certain number of acres. I didn't find anything in a quick search. I am pretty sure cities will not allow. A bunch of rules about scattering ashes. What we did was simply go, say a prayer, and spread my brothers.

There is a meadow where we hunt elk that brings memories of a companion that is there now.

At times I think we should go back to wakes, digging our own graves, posting a wreath for a time. There can be too much ritual, but now too many people try to ignore things too much.

One thing; make your wishes known while you can. I do not want a lot of money wasted on me, use it to better the living. My ashes can be kept on a shelf or whatever, but I would prefer they be spread in a favotite hunting spot, or some place pleasant memories for trhe family

My dad proly won't make it five more years.
Blew a chunk on a future funeral.
Not religious, doesn't handle death well.
Maybe being stupid with his cash somehow makes the passage easier?
I dunno, don't care either.............it's his money.

Freakin foreigners are strange LOL.

My grandma (mom's side)............had a funeral.
People came from some distance.
Lots of people.
Good Christian woman she was.
The funeral was quite respectful.
Considering the guest of honor, it was proper.

Cremation makes a lot of people squeamish. Personally, I think it's the best way and it leaves the family a lot more money. When my wife died 11 years ago, cremation cost $1300. The cheapest steel casket I saw was over $2000. I saw wood ones cheaper but with those, most cemeteries require a vault. The reason is that wood caskets will eventually collapse leaving them with a large divot to fill in. Steel or vaults won't collapse.
Then, with cremation, you don't have to hire a hearse. Just pick up the ashes from the crematorium and do what you want with them. I have a nephew who's a potter and he made us a very nice urn. You can have a complete DIY funeral. That's what we did. It cost virtually nothing which is what my wife wanted. There's a small cemetery near Boise on land that was homesteaded by my great grandfather. He sold a couple acres to the county for a cemetery over 100 years ago. Most of my relatives on Mom's side are buried there. If you bury an urn, you can dig your own hole as it only has to be the size of a 5 gal bucket. We did get a nice headstone which is in a row with my father and brother.

funny side note: This cemetery allows up to 4 urns in a single plot so you can almost have a mass grave if you want to keep everyone together. My dad died 10 months before my wife who had terminal cancer at the time. We were at the cemetery for Dad's burial and knew that in due time my wife would be in the next plot. We'd buried Dad's urn and were standing there talking. My wife, who kept up a pretty good humor about it all, looked at her plot and said "You're young enough that you'll probably remarry. There's room for 3 in there."

speaking of family plots, if anyone has ever traveled down through eastern NC on the way to the outer banks, it looks like every other yard has a cemetery in the back.

my parents ashes are buried at my camp. we had a couple of nice rocks engraved for headstones and put their urns in a water proof splice case about a foot under ground. i rebuilt an old bench my dad made and put it over there and have cultivated the rhododendron around it to be a nice little sitting area. my boys and i do a full honor guard flag ceremony there every memorial day since my dad was a WW2 vet. thats where i'll end up one of these days.

Funny about the squemish part. My wife has claustrophobia and has said she does not want to be put in a dark box ande buried in the cold earth.

Yes, it's legal to bury someone, or not even bury them, on your own property in Colorado. Doesn't even require much ground, I think it's around 8 acres. One of the big trends here is what's called a "green burial". No embalming, no casket, not even buried, just laid under a tree somewhere all natural. There a couple places around boulder where you can go pick out your tree to rest under.

That's called composting.

Talking to my mom while visiting last Thanksgiving, asked her what she wanted.............. she wasn't sure!!! I said 'would you like to be buried'? She responded, with a very proper British accent, being England born and bred and all............ 'Oh no I couldn't stand to be put in the cold, wet ground'.... Um!, Ok 'how about cremation'? and again 'Oh no, I couldn't stand to be burned up'...... !?!?!? Not being able to think of much else I asked 'well how about burial at sea'??? to wit 'don't be stupid, I can't swim, can I'????

Exasperated............. 'I could check with NASA about having you sent to the moon'..............................

She has agreed to cremation.............