Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Marcel an' th' Talkin' Chainsaw

One of my Jerry Clower favorites is "Marcel and the Talkin' Chainsaw"! I posted it earlier at the tail end of another thread, but I liked it enough to post it again.

These ain't the 'zact right words but close enough for gubbmint work:

Marcel Ledbetter's been haulin pup wood all day long in his raggedy ole pup wood truck (note: "pup" = "pulp". Pulp wood goes to paper mills to be made into paper.), an it's finally quittin' time, an HOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEE it's hot.

An pore ole Marcel's tongue is SO dry. He's got his mouth set fer one o' dem tallllll, cooool NEHI belly-washers. But there hain't no store 'round there 'cep fer a beer joint on th county line.

So Marcel pulls up in th' beer joint parkin' lot in his pup wood truck, an' gits out an' hain't got nuttin' on 'tween him and the Good Lord but a pair o' Liberty overhauls, an the top two buttons on each side o'dat was a'flappin'.........

An he walks across them hot gravels in dat parkin' lot on his bare feets, them ole gravels a' burnin and a' pokin his feets, an he comes up to th screen door o' dat beer joint and peeks inside.

"Hey" he says timidly. Marcel bein a good boy whut was raised right would never go inside dat beer joint.

"WHUDDA YOU WANT?!" th barkeep sez.

"I'd like to have one o dem cooool NEHI belly-washers, please." he said nicely.

"GIT OUTTA HERE!! We don't SERVE yur kind in here!!"

"If ya would please hand me one o dem NEHI belly-washers, I'll pay ya for it, an won't come in, an drink it out here, an give ya th bottle back, please."

Anuther guy at the bar sez, "DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHUT THE GUY SAID?!! GIT OUTTA HERE! YOU REDNECK!!!"

PORE ole Marcel, walkin' back acrost th parkin lot on those hot gravels, th sun beatin down on him. His tongue is SOOO dry!

He gits to th truck and opens up th tool box on th side an reches in an pulls out one o dem LITE WEIGHT MCCULLAH CHAIN SAWS.

He grabs aholta th strang on that saw an yanks it. BWAAAAAAWWP!! BWAP! BWAP! BWAP! It comes to life!

Marcel walks back acrost them hot gravels to th screen door o dat beer joint and pulls th trigger on dat light-weight McCulloch chainsaw an sticks th snout rat in dat door.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Little screen wars an sparks an chunks a' door is a' flyin an slangin everywhar.

He gits t' th bottom an turns t' th side! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! He hits th frame an starts back up!!!

BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Splinters an nails an sparks an chips is a' flangin' and shootin!!!

He gits t' th top and snatches th snout a' dat saw back out....

WHOP!!!!!!! Th door hits th floor.

Marcel steps inside.... BWAAAAAAAAAAAP!!! BWAAAAP!!! BWAP!!

He pulls th trigger on dat saw agin an spins aroun!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! An cuts th laig off a bar stool!!

WHOP!!!!!!!! It hits th floor!!!




They GAVE Marcel th beer joint!!!!!

Now that is classic Clower there. Les

Ah, that brings back memories. We had one of Jerry Clower's albums when I was a kid. I never got tired of listening to his stories.

Brings back the memories. I mind the time they was coon-huntin' with a munkey.

And, of course, there's the "souped up wild cat" and he says "Well shoot up in here amongst us 'cause one of us has got to get some relief."

I LMAO everytime I think of that.

WM

another classic was the one about the store bought biscuits that came in the cardboard sleeve. When it was breakfast time, the slapping of the tubes on counters to open them sounded like a small war down on Swazey Street.

I used that trick about 5 years ago on my milk shed. The shed had been built around a big piece of machinery. The machinery was too big to ever fit through the little tiny 5' high screen door they had on the shed. What's more, the ceiling was only about 5'6", and I'm up around 6'4.5".

One summer morning I got tired of the whole thing and got up before sunrise and cranked up the chain saw. KYHillChick got up to get coffee and looked out the kitchen window just in time to see the last bit of cutting and the front of the shed with the screen door fall away into the yard. She was a might hesitant to come near me for a while after that-- didn't quite know what state of mind I might be in.

I always liked the one about stopping the train to see if they wanted to buy a possum. Of course this is the Cliff's notes version, Jerry Clowers version would take 20 minutes to type.

The train engineer disgusted because he had to stop the train, finally says he'll buy it cause he went to the trouble of getting stopped.

The reply was 'well we ain't caught one yet'.

I have about 6 or 7 of his LP's, he also wrote a book call "Ain't God Good". Very good down to earth read on how we should live our lives.