Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Chuck Norris....My Man

If the shoe fits. Your preferred brand has a Hollywood play actor and marketing fluff, my preferred brand has Jerry Miculek.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.


Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn

Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
(John wick needed a pencil)

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.


In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.

Dark spots on the Moon are the result of Chuck Norris' shooting practice

Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris can understand women

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Everybody farts, But only Chuck Norris can break wind.


In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.

The dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris once. Once

God didn’t work on Sunday because Chuck Norris told him to stop making noise on his day off

Chuck Norris was once close to death, then he let go of death’s throat.

Those Glocks will be feeling much safer now!

Chuck Norris sleeps with a Glock on his nightstand.........so the Glock doesn't get scared.

"Chuck Norris can understand women"

WOW!

Yea.....not sure I believe that one.

Chuck is a bad Mo Fo!!!!

chuck Norris went to the virgin islands now there just called the islands