Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire 15 year old daughters bestie came to live with us

Don't do any violence on them even if they deserve it, the crooked and twisted lawyers and courts would probably use that against you if you wanted to adopt the girl or get power of attorney or whatever...Kharma will take care of them eventually. Sounds like they are miserable pukes anyway well on their way down the crapper...

You and your family seem like great people for what you are attempting, and I hope it works out for all of you...

Admirable to help the girl. Be sure you know her well enough to know she doesn't have a borderline personality disorder or other serious issues beyond your capacity to deal with. I've seen girls that age make false accusations against guys that ruined there lives and the admit years later they lied. Happened Ata psych hospital I worked at. I avoided working the teenage girls unit like the plague and always made sure I was never alone with one even for a minute. Admittedly these were some very troubled young Addies though. Just be sure you know who you're dealing with.

Bb

True just hate hearing he gave her a gun and told to her kill herself, my friend's daughter took her life after a similar incident. He was a single father who raised his daughter alone, his only child. It devastated him.

Geeze.

I can barely stand my own kids. Can’t imagine taking in another one.

Good advice here on seeking out a lawyer and dotting the I's.

I'll add. Do it as fast as possible. While emotions are high
and the parents aren't thinking.

If they get disability, a dependent might get them more money.
If so, they won't want to give up the Golden Goose.

Want a 42 yr old one.

I pray you can be granted parental rights for this young lady. It will get tougher in the days ahead for all concerned. Hang tough! The legal system in these instances can be trying!

You may just end up saving the girl's life. Embrace the opportunity to show her what a family can look like and be sure to help your own daughter understand what is happening. Good on ya.

I've been there and successfully done this more than once.

Do not go to or call a state agency of any sort.

Go to your private attorney and let them lead the way.

State, County, Government agencies that deal with minor children have rules, policies and laws they can not deviate from.
There is a 99% chance the child would have to immediately be taken into state custody and placed into a state licensed foster care home. You'd become irrelevant.

Do not go to or call a state agency of any sort.

Don't alienated her parents, keep the relationship as friendly and open as possible. This is best for the child in the long run and yourselves as well. Treat the entire situation as nonchalant as you can, don't add unnecessary drama to the already difficult situation.

I've never let a minor child move in with a suitcase without having a letter from the parents/legal guardians stating they were aware the child was with me and I had their permission to seek medical care and handle legal affairs for the child.

Get this immediately, let your attorney draw it up, if you can't have a attorney do this asap, draw something up yourself.
Keep it simple, no more than a paragraph outlining the basics. Get the parents to sign it even if you go have a drink with them to do it, whatever it takes. You need this for your own protection.

You're actually in a great position considering her age, in Missouri she can seek emancipation at 16, you're just months away.

Full emancipation will be best for her and you.
If she becomes emancipated you will not be responsible her legal matters. Think first car, driving and other things parents and legal guardians can be held responsible for with a minor, teenaged child.

I've also seeked and been granted guardianship of a minor child.
It's a more complicated issue than one might think, lots of procedures involved, lots of T's to cross and I's to dot.

If you have to go that route do it but let your attorney deal with it.
The time involved with being granted legal guardianship could easily surpass her becoming of the age to legally file for emancipation.

Do not go to or call a state agency of any sort.

I've never walked away from a meeting with a state child protective agency feeling all warm and fuzzy about the encounter.

They are masters of complicating these types of situations, they'll lie to you to gain access to this child if they want her in state custody. Dragging her out of a school class room kickin' and screaming is one of their more classic moves.

Get a attorney on it, do it right, keep it low keyed, stay friendly with the scumbag parents. Good chance she'll turn back to them later in life, never seen a kid that didn't. No need in widening the wound.

Regarding your stated condition of her current 'legal' adoptive parent's alcoholism, total disregard for her welfare and lack of desire to get gainful employment, preferring instead to get on disability, don't be surprised if they try to 'milk' as much cash as they can for as long as they can from you under the pretense of 'easing' the transfer of this young girls legal custody to you and wife.

Also, I'd strongly suggest you do whatever is required to get her covered through your family's health insurance as soon as possible.

Exactly this. A good lawyer is outcome determinative. And deal with no third parties/organizations (churches, government agencies, charities, etc.) unless on the advice of counsel.

Wow, I thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers. They are much appreciated. Not to mention personal experiences from other members. And a few things that I hadn't thought about.

My wife is going to be on the phone this morning to the lawyer to find out what the best and quickest resolution will be. We obviously want to do what's best for her and us as well.

We want to be able to get her the help that she needs as well as provide her with the love and support at home that she deserves. And me to keepy cool through all of this so that I don't go to town and put $2 worth of nickel knots all over her dad's head !

I knew there would be a few folks on here that have walked this path and would be able to share some wisdom. I will post updates.

Thanks again gentlemen

My experience with these issues has only been peripheral but I think JeffA has given very sound advice here.

JeffA for the win with real experience advice.

What he said.

Don’t set yourself and your family up for financial ruin.

You know for a fact that actually happened....you know for a fact what the home life is like.

You actually know her parents....not what you have heard or want to believe......teenage kids.....especially girls will manipulate things to get what they want.


So if you don't have 1st hand knowledge of the situation....and 1st hand is not what a teenage girl tells you.....especially a kid that you haven't raised....I would be really careful......bob

Best wishes for your family and the girl!

Everyone needs someone to give them that hand up.

I thank God, that there are strong and morally sound people in the world like you and your family. Bless you. There is a SPECIAL PLACE in Heaven for people like you. So thankful that you were raised right with great morals and kindness.

Agree 100%.

AlthoughI have no experience with such a situation, I've seen it before and it didn't work out well. Every situation can be different.

I'd be prepared for a certain amount of acting out from the young lady should the custody matter be worked out as intended, and be prepared to recognize it for what it is---inappropriate expression of emotions. No doubt she'll have plenty of those to deal with, and a little coaching for healthy expression, and encouraging it by showing willingness to hear it might go a long way toward smoothing out a bumpy ride.

Thanks for writing down very useful and detailed information.

...and thanks for helping the children you have helped.