1. Law of Mechanical Repair. Your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch, and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity. Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will
roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability. The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers. If you dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law. If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of Close Encounters. The probability of meeting someone you
know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want
to be seen with.
7. Law of Biomechanics. The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
8. Law of the Theater, Stadiums, and Arenas. At any event, the
people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last.
They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for
food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the
performance, or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come
early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay
to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very
surly folk.
9. The Coffee Law. As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the
coffee is cold.
10. Murphy's Law of Lockers. If there are only 2 people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
11. Law of Physical Surfaces. The chances of an open-faced
jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to
the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
12. Law of Logical Argument. Anything is possible IF you
don't know what you are talking about.
13. Law of Physical Appearance. If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
14. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy. As soon as you find
a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store
will stop selling it!
15. Doctors' Law. If you don't feel well, make an appointment
to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better.
But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
