Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire The art of insults

"She married the best the man in town, it was a very small town mind you"

Bierce is one of my favorite satirists.
Definition: Lawyer; A person trained in circumvention of the law”.

"You couldnt find your own azz with both hands and a flashlight"

There is that!

Basis for the Gregory Peck movie Old Gringo. He was good in it.
Others in it……well

Young lady I knew, "I feel like a conniving slut".

Me, "... You're not conniving."

And some have specialized in circumcision of the law.

"Wisdom has chased you but you have always been faster"

"Am I fat? he asked his friend...
Friend:- "I know 5 fat people and you are 4 of them"

Yes! My old friend Sirius. There you are!

Then there is this classic;

Ya don’t sweat much for a fat gal!


Apologies to LBP. 😎😉

"He's a large turd in a small cesspool."

I used to say that in reference to my hometowns big shots that had never lived anywhere else.


After selling his large successful business my grandpa asked a local woman if she would sleep with him for a million dollars. She thought about it for a few minutes and then replied "yes, she would". He then asked if she'd sleep with him for $10. She then got upset and said "what do you think I am". He replied, "We've already decided that now we're just arguing over price".

Bb

At work we used:

"He's not very good but he sure is slow"

"He does it nice cause he'll do it twice"

"Quality takes time but not that much time"

Sarcasm, no extra charge...

"Your wife is so fat, she buys her dresses at Davus Tent and Awning."

Good thread here; especially for someone like me that needs to plagiarize some of these witty insults to use on others. Wish that I were articulate and creative enough to come up with stuff like that on my own. There;.... I confessed to one of my shortcomings.

"If you don't have time to do it right, how will you ever find the time to do it over?"

"You're just like my old hound dog- - - -if you can't eat it or screw it, you pizz on it!"

"If your brain was gasoline, it wouldn't run a pizzant's motor scooter halfway around a BB!"

"You say you live by your wits- - - -I guess half a life is better than none at all!"

Doc to Chester on a Gunsmoke episode: “ You could put your brain in a mustard seed and it’d roll around like a peanut in a boxcar”.

Smile and say : don’t be a fool.
It never offends anyone

The most heartfelt insult I have ever heard was when a female neighbour was talking about her employer. She said that he should have been left on the sheets to dry.

She meant it.

"Your Mama should have swallowed you!"

"It's too bad your Mother didn't believe in the Lewinsky method of birth control!"