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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said. "Did your mother or father name you that?"
"Neither," she said. "I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen."
"Why did you do that?" he asked.
"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What's your name?"
"Beerboobs," the man replied.
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,262
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,262 |
Want to hear a dirty joke? An old man fell into a mud puddle.  This one was compliments of my 6 yr old stepdaughter at the dinner table one night...never forgot it. 
I saw a movie where only the military and the police had guns. It was called Schindler's List.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 50,169 Likes: 1
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 50,169 Likes: 1 |
A sausage walks into a bar and asks the barman for the menu. The barman says �Sorry, we don�t serve food in here�
The only thing worse than a liberal is a liberal that thinks they're a conservative.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
OH man..........and I thought I was scrapin'  I LOVE IT!
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016 |
This baby seal walks into a club...
Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote.
*Marvin Simkin* L.A. Times (1992)
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,836
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,836 |
What will you never hear a redneck say?
Duct tape won't fix that!!
There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor polite, nor popular -- but one must ask, "Is it right?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016 |
A priest, a Rabbi and a Lutheran minister walks into a bar, and the bartender says "what is this, some kinda joke?"
Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote.
*Marvin Simkin* L.A. Times (1992)
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,016 |
And, best of all.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish.
Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote.
*Marvin Simkin* L.A. Times (1992)
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443 |
what are the most common last words of a redneck?
hey y'all, watch this...
30-06 till i die, the greatest round ever! I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy! CEO of a Turdlike People: Turds & Tats Division... (per Ingwe )
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443 |
when do fat people look the best?
during a "full moon"
30-06 till i die, the greatest round ever! I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy! CEO of a Turdlike People: Turds & Tats Division... (per Ingwe )
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 50,169 Likes: 1 |
Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."
____________
The only thing worse than a liberal is a liberal that thinks they're a conservative.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
I have to save that one Pat. Thats great!
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048 |
"A ZZ Top song just hit me" The song was going through my head as I was typing but now with this one, ""Beerboobs," the man replied" I have an old Frank Zappa song going through my head. LOL!
BAN THE RAINBOW FLAG!
PERVERTS OFFEND ME!
"When is penguin season, daddy? I wanna go kill a penguin!"
---- 4 yr old Archerhuntress
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048 |
I had to read that one twice, Pat.
LOL!
BAN THE RAINBOW FLAG!
PERVERTS OFFEND ME!
"When is penguin season, daddy? I wanna go kill a penguin!"
---- 4 yr old Archerhuntress
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842
Campfire Kahuna
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OP
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 54,842 |
Frank had some weird stuff. 
Back in the heartland, Thank God!
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,312 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 17,312 Likes: 1 |
What do you call a deer with no eyeballs.......
No eye deer?
What do you call a deer with no eyeballs and no legs.....
Still no eye deer?
Screw you! I'm voting for Trump again!
Ecc 10:2
The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but that of a fool to the 24HCF.
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 10,443 |
there was a parrot sitting in a pet shop.
two guys walk in and ask about the bird. the clerk tells them that the birds name is Chet, he is very smart, and very clean. he talks, and he can sing.
the men are not entirely convinced, and want to hear Chet sing.
the clerk tells them to light a match and put it under his foot and he will sing.
guy number 1 lights a match and puts it under Chet's right foot. Chet starts right into the chorus of "Jingle Bells"
when the match burns out, Chet stops.
guy number 2 lights a match, and puts it under Chet's left foot. Chet starts right into the chorus of "silent Night"
when the match burns out, Chet stops.
then the guys ask the clerk, "what happens if you put it between his feet?"
"no idea" says the clerk, "try it"
so they fire up another match and put it between Chet's feet and he immediately starts to sing "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire"....
30-06 till i die, the greatest round ever! I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy! CEO of a Turdlike People: Turds & Tats Division... (per Ingwe )
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 17,048 |
Yeah, but he's the cutest guy in town... and he's a miserable son of a bicth.
LOL.
A buddy of mine has some 12 thousand albums. I've heard everything Frank ever put on vinyl. Most of it is really stupid but sometime he's got ya on the floor laughing and ya just can't stop.
BAN THE RAINBOW FLAG!
PERVERTS OFFEND ME!
"When is penguin season, daddy? I wanna go kill a penguin!"
---- 4 yr old Archerhuntress
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 99
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 99 |
Horse walks into a bar...bartender asks why the long face.
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589 members (1_deuce, 17CalFan, 1Longbow, 10gaugemag, 160user, 10gaugeman, 60 invisible),
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