Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Lost in Translation, but Found in Hilarity

My wee wifey is off to NYC for a few days of work and showing her mom around the Apple, and I got to thinking of some of her botched expressions/words. She's 100% fluent in English, with zero accent, but occasionally drops the ball on things.

Example: the first time we had dinner with my folks, we decided to make nabe, a Japanese stew, of sorts, which is served in a boiling pot of broth. Fresh ingredients are laid out and people sort of cook their own pieces of fish, meats, veggies, tofu or whatever. That particular night we had several kinds of fish, as well as squid, shrimp, etc.

At some point, my mom was gushing about how much she was enjoying it all, and said that the swordfish in particular was amazing, and asked Airi what her favorite was. Airi, without missing a beat, grabbed up the bottom half of a small squid, took a bite, and made one of those 'oh my God it's so good!' faces, and said, "Oh, I like it all, but I'd have to say my very favorite, the one I love most and can't get enough of is the TESTICLES!" She of course was aiming at 'tentacles', but didn't even hit the frame holding the target. My mom about choked on her bit of fish, and my old man tried bravely to hold it, but a second later burst out belly laughing. I leaned back with a smile and said, "she's a keeper, huh pop?"

Example 2: once in awhile I'll sleep in, and just not have enough time before heading out to have a proper shower, so instead take a soapy washcloth and do a quick second-best cleaning. One one day I was rushing around and she asked about breakfast. I said, "thanks honey but I don't have time. It's going to be a whore's bath for me and then I have to run" The 'whore's bath' of course is a crude slang for a quickie cleaning in front of the sink, rather than a proper bath or shower. Some time later, when Airi was rushing to get out the door, she said that she'd not have time for a shower, so was going to take a 'horse's bath'. I of course now refer to a 'whore's bath' with her as a 'uma no ofuro', which is, literally translated, a 'horse's bath'.

Example 3: One day she was trying to describe to me what movie she was watching over the telephone. I asked her to describe it, and she did, but poorly, and I wasn't sure whether it was Star Wars or some other sci-fi flick. Pretty soon she got frustrated with me, and blurted out, "I said I'm not sure of the title! It's called 'Oji-chans In Space' or something, damn it!" 'Oji-chan' means old man/grandpa. She was, of course, watching Space Cowboys, with Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, Clint Eastwood and James Garner.

There are many others, but those I grabbed off the top of my head. She's a true gem, that lass o' mine. I miss her already.

Anyone else have any, from spouses, family or even strangers? As a fan of the Englsh language and words in general, I love this stuff.

Used to get a big kick out of Norm Crosby's routines.

Carol Anne had a knack for faux Spoonerisms. Walking home from church one Sunday, the tads spotted a wicker chair on the porch across the street, with four cats asleep in it. Carol Anne called my attention to it �

"Oh, Honey, look at the cat full of chairs!"

Not once in her life did she ever try to crack a joke, but she often convulsed the kids. She just had that knack, y'know?

My wife (Karen Anne) has the same talent as Ken's Carol Anne. One that has been a family treasure for many years was her referring to a llama as a "beaden of burst".

We have a family of ex-Romanians a couple houses away. They all speak fluent English but their use of words isn't always like we use them. For example:
My son had a beagle that was an escape artist. I came home one day to find him splattered on the highway. And I mean SPLATTERED. His hide was literally stretched out for 5 yards. I came in the house and found a phone message from the neighbor lady telling us the sad news. Like I said, her use of words was 'unexpected':

"I'm sorry to tell you that your dog was passed over by a truck. He's somewhat disfigured."

In spite of losing the dog, we all just cracked up. 'Disfigured' didn't even come close to describing it.

I used to have a gf that did that sort of thing so often I made a list of them. Every now and then I'd take out the list and read them to her. They were hilarious. I wonder what ever happened to her?

Just a few from among the multitude �

The supervisor of our Boeing 747 section, telling me about his "prostrate" examination, said that what had really hurt "was when they shoved that catheter up my uterus."

One of my engineers wrote something about the "desemenation" of information. My friend Lloyd said "You know, Ken, between what he said and what he meant to say, there's a vas deferens."

My room mate gave-up on fast draw, took-off my holster and belt, and tossed 'em on my bed � "I just can't get my muscles coagulated." (He's the guy who told us about "the Philippine resurrection.")

Old Roy liked to keep-up with the news (and to use big words). He told me about the cliff that had collapsed and had destroyed the power plant at its base � "completely deliberated it."

He wore wool shirts that were as good as Pendletons but were cheaper because they were made of repossessed wool.

At his lodge meeting, he'd been elected the "Grand Exhausted Ruler."

A friend had seen the gerbil that ran loose in another friend's house � asked whether I'd seen that dirigible.

He theorized that such-and-such a maneuver was merely a tactic to make people "finicky" (fidgety).

One of the Lederer twins wrote of a letter that she'd gotten from a woman who'd watched two neighbor ladies' strange behavior � "could they be Lebanese?"

A dear old friend of mine who lived to be 103 called his new mower "self-repelled".

He always sang a happy song when mowing. You could hear him clear down the block. I sure miss that ole cuss.

A Dukakis campaign worker bragged that "the man exhumes (exudes) leadership."

My French Canadian friend says "I've got an eye like an igloo." I just let it go.

The governor of Ohio introduced LBJ at an Ohio university with "Welcome to this venereal (venerable) institution."

A hunting safety class instructor who repeatedly used the word "program" in the class - except he emphatically pronounced it "pogram"

Had three engineers visiting from Michigan, and took them to a fancy steakhouse in Dallas. The waitress comes around for drink orders, and the youngest of the guys from Michigan says, "I'll just have a pop". The young Texas lady gives him a totally blank expression, and I say, "He means a Coke", which she did comprehend, and gave everyone a chuckle.

When I was in high school, I took the class to get my license to buy restricted use pesticides. It was the first year that it was required, so the auditorium was packed. The first words out of the county extension agent's mouth "What is a pesticide? Pesticides are chemicals used to kill harmful orgasms."

I hope that lovely Airi enjoys this thread when she gets home!

It wasn't a spoken mistake but worked none the less.

In Econ101 the instructor wrote "public goods" on the blackboard but left out the letter L.

It sent more than just a few chuckles through the auditorium.

Okusan wa Nihon no hito desu ka? Bikkurishita, kedo ii desu yo.

I know a guy who refers to the windchill factor as the windchill factory. Such as "the windchill factory is working overtime today". I don't even try to explain it.

Hai, kanojo wa nihon jin desu. Boku wa san sei desu. Anata wa?

Ken, thanks for your (and everyone else's input as well). Some of the ones you've posted are pure gold!

Ie. Beikokujin desu. Mae ni, senkyoshi deshita. Sanju nen mae. Takusan no 24hr no hito to onaji, boku wa... mo toshi yori desu.

oyasumi.