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The original Hognose dickface!

If brains were cotton you couldn't make a kotex for a pissant....

Uglier than a sack full of squashed asssholes.....

u look like your face was on fire, an somebody put it out with a ice pick....

Best one so far, but I'm still reading.

Is that a mustache on your face or a shock absorber for a high speed c*ck sucker?

You have kind hair Madam, the kind on a dogs butt.

Your cock breath isn't an oral hygiene issue...

For a bullchitter, nothing hurts worse than the truth, get ready for some pain.

Kent

That boy's about as sharp as a padded watermelon.


You ought to be dick slapped with a horse cock.


Yer so full of shyte yer eyes are brown.

"If it were raining whores, he'd get hit with a queer".






I just had to bring up this classic one from last year, I STILL laugh when I think about it.

You Lawyer!

Damn! That's mean and hurtful, take it back!

Only thing worse is a politician, and most of them are lawyers, too.

Jessica made me say that.....

A pox on you, eh76, for even mentioning that name in jest.

Are you gonna vote for Obamma again?

May 10,000 camel fleas nest in thy beard, thou son of a noseles prostitute.

May you inherit $10,000 and with that $10,000 may you buy 10,000 mansions. And may each of those 10,000 mansions have 10,000 bedrooms. may each of those 10,000 bedroms have 10,000 beds and may you toss with a malarial fever from bed to bed.
Paul B.

[font:Times New Roman]These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -
Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....
if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -
Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -
Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." -Mark Twain

"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." -Oscar Wilde

"I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

�There goes the famous 'good time that was had by all'.� - Bette Davis

�She's been on more laps than a napkin.� - Walter Winchell

�So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.� - Alan Bennett

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.
- Edith Massey

Her face was her chaperone. - Rupert Hughes

She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it. - Bob Fosse

She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered.
- James Matthew Barrie

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. - Will Rogers

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast. - W. S. Gilbert

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style. It will look ridiculous year after year. - Fred Allen

I think it would be a very good idea. - Mahatma Ghandi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization

He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue. - Andrew Lang

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Awards are like hemorrhoids; sooner or later every [bleep] gets one. - Frederic Raphael

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately. - Mark Twain

Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
- Desmond Morris

The terrifying power of the human sex drive is horrifically demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. - Ipso Fatso

Stay with me, I want to be alone. - Joey Adams

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement. - Fred Allen

If all the girls who attended the Harvard-Yale game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised. - Dorothy Parker

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence. - George Bernard Shaw

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright. - Samuel Butler

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? - Ashleigh Brilliant

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? - David Letterman

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend. - Zenna Schaffer

An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.
- Franklin Adams

She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people. - Robertson Davies

That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx.

Damn it, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure.
- Oscar Wilde

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. - Helen Roland

My wife has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jack Durante

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. - Woody Allen

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. - Patrick Murray

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. - Oscar Levant

You had to stand in line to hate him. - Hedda Hopper

He's the only guy I know whom Dale Carnegie would hit in the mouth. - Bill Veeck

She never was really charming till she died. - Terence

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen

There but for the grace of God, goes God. - Winston Churchill

Richard Nixon is a no-good lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in. - Harry S. Truman on Richard Nixon

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Douglas Adams

He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm. - Don O'Shaughnessy

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. - Tom Lehrer

I must remind the right honorable gentleman that a monologue is not a decision.
- Clement Atlee, on Winston Churchill

An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened, Atlee got out. - Winston Churchill, on Clement Atlee

It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it.
- Winston Churchill

If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone pulled him out, it would be a calamity. - Benjamin Disraeli, on William Gladstone

He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off. - Lyndon Baines, Johnson on Gerald Ford

Don't be so humble, you're not that great. - Golda Meir to Moshe Dayan

The Prime Minister tells us she has given the French president a piece of her mind, not a gift I would receive with alacrity. - Denis Healy

The covers of this book are too far apart. - Ambrose Bierce

I didn't like the play but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx

This book is both good and original, but the part that is original is not good and the part that is good, is not original. - George Bernard Shaw

Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write. - A. E. Housman

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.
- Gene Fowler

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think that university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. - Flannery O'Connor

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong.
- Mae West, on fellow film star, Jean Harlow

He's the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms. - Mamie Van Doren on Warren Beatty

Who among us has not gazed thoughtfully and patiently at a painting of Jackson Pollock and thought "What a piece of crap?" - Rob Long

Michael Jackson's album was only called "Bad" because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for "Pathetic." - The Artist Formerly Known as Prince[/font]

Marshgrass,

These are brilliant, in stark contrast to the three I posted.

Thanks.

Steve

"You're little more than nothing, whittled down to a point, then broken off."
Dr. Marie Van Beek

Never use em