Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire I sh*t my pants

I have cut off more than a few pair of underwear if caught in the back country with no toilet paper. Hey, commando is better than walking out of rough country with only one sock.

LMAO

I sharted on west bound highway 90 when I took my son pronghorn hunting. We were maybe 2 hrs east of Rapid City in some of the most gorgeous country you've ever seen, and it's gone down in family history as an epic "butt sneeze" due to its phlegmy consistency.

My son, as per his usual, was a sport and helped me by bringing other clothes into the can at the rest area where we stopped so I could clean up.

So many great memories from that trip.

And then there was the butt sneeze...

I am CRYING! I think everyone here knows the feeling

Picture scenic northern Michigan, northbound on US-27. I'm working and decide to take a shortcut on Military Rd to make some time. Military Road is part of Camp Grayling and there's nothing but Jackpine for miles. I get the cold sweats and the unwanted gurgling in the gut. I commit and release my safety belt turning off onto a two-track in 6" of snow. No time to look for toilet paper as we're beyond DEFCON 5. I jump out and run in the snow with my suit and wingtips, trying to get my suit coat off so I can lose the suspenders. I get my get drawers down and do the Kim-chi Squat, then explode. Relief to be sure, but no toilet paper and my truck was still in gear trying to climb a pine tree. Ice cold snow as a poor man's bidet and I was good to go.

someone ought to prod EvilTwin for a pig hunting story

Am I the only one that has a complete set of clothing, roll of paper towels, wet wipes (usually used for cleaning hands) in my truck? I also have an axe, knife, shovel, chain, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I carry too much stuff, but I'll be damned if I have to ride pooh bear in the back of my own truck for 15 miles to make it to a Shell station.

I brought my best friend hog hunting at Chestnut Hunting Lodge. Jerry Rushing's place out in North Carolina. We were both 20-somethings back then and he was coming off a very nasty fight with his wife and he entered the passenger seat of my truck prepared for the ride with a 12 pack of Sam Adams. We got to good start and got to Pennsylvania and there was an 18 wheeler rolled over in the middle of the highway. We were going nowhere so we pulled off the road to a Cracker Barrel. My friend had a chicken fried steak with sawmill gravy, fried okra and mashed potatoes... oh, and two Guinness. Back in the truck, we rolled on a couple hours and decided to pull off and look for a hotel. We got a room, and my buddy and I set up. I crawled into bed and he went to the can. He came out and went to bed. A couple hours later, he got up out of bed, opened his suitcase, relieved himself all over his clothes, closed his suitcase, and went back to bed.

The next morning, I awoke to him screaming. Hah! Serves you right for drinking a half case of Sammy and 2 Guinness on the way up. It was a harbinger of things to come. At camp, my buddy wanted to go to a strip joint. He dragged me and we sat in a big booth and ate a very late supper. I had chicken wings and a couple bud lights. He had two orders of mozzarella sticks and two more Guinness! He was quiet the next day while we were shooting our pigs. The NEXT Day, on the drive home...

We weren't out of North Carolina and he says pull over at the next rest area. I drove right past it. "Whoops, there it went." He gave me a backhand in the face and said if I didn't stop at the next one, he'd kill me! As the next one rolled up, I started speeding up. He starts yelling. "Whoops, there goes another one." Now a smell is starting to build in the truck, and holding his stomach with both hands, he says stop. Anywhere! I stopped in front of a long stone cliff where they cut through a mountain to put the road in. He had nowhere to hide and so he put his back to the truck and let go right on the road. I could hear him moaning. I started the truck and drove ahead of him a little, and he started swearing and did a little crab walk sideways to catch up. I've got tears rolling down my face and he's having a tough time. He got back in the truck all red faced and sweaty and said to drive. An hour later, he says to pull over again. We got to a rest area that time, and then he begged me to get a hotel room. We're in Pennsylvania again. We are never getting home! Well, we got the hotel room and he goes straight into the bathroom and runs the shower for a half an hour. Then he sat on the toilet for an hour groaning and Ka Thump! Out he comes and crawls into bed. He said he passed some kind of "plug" or something like a bear that just woke up from hibernation. He blamed the Sawmill Gravy from the Cracker Barrel for his misery. I got him home the next day and I don't think he left his house for two days.

well this tread just confirms what I've always known, that everyone on the campfire is full a chit. lol

If you have had gall bladder surgery, all of this is far too close to home. For the first few years it would go from I need to go to I NEED TO GO RIGHT NOW in about 30 seconds. Measured all trips by how far it was to the next bathroom. Wifes friend, who had the surgery, had my wife pull over and crapped in a coffee can on the side of the Interstate. Normally a very classy lady but when you gotta go....you gotta go!

I would have crawled in the back seat and chitt all over your truck and you would have deserved it! lol

It happens.

In the prairie, the front bumper can make a real good rump rest, then you can let your bowels do the rest.

Once, On an antelope hunt in NM, i had to pull over on the gravel road. I was sitting on the front bumper and dropping a load when NMF&G chose that time to pull up behind me and kindly wait for the event to be over.

They were kind enough to leave me to my misery and contemplation till I was finished, then we discussed conservation.

I thought I had gotten used to people sharing their most personal information with strangers on the internet. But wow...

Dyin' here! ;D

38 seccions of radiation on the prostrate will cause some future problems , believe me.

All ways carry no matter where I go CCW concealed carry wipes

you sound like me.

norm

I always carry my knife with me, it has seen more duty freeing me from crappy BVD's than field dressing game. And yes, thermal underwear go a great job cleaning up after a thermonuclear dump.

I keep paper towels in my truck. They stand in pretty well for TP. I bought an off road commode as a result of a wad of pine sap stuck to the back of my leg on an elk hunt. The off road commode doesn't ride in the truck much.

I've had squirrely plumbing my whole life, so I feel the camaraderie.