Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Ask The Gunwriters Biggest BS story!

Well, the problem is that city folks just have a completely unrealistic view of the world. My mom used to talk about friends she had in Chicago back in the 30's that thought milk came from the milkman. It's all the same thing.

That's a big part of the reason why my sons had a farm to go to on the weekends instead of going to the mall between soccer matches. They knew where their meat came from.

Ha! Let me get off the soapbox. This was supposed to be a fun thread.

While I was at lunch, I was trying to think of other wild ones I'd heard. In the case of deer hunting, I started out my career thinking (as I had been schooled by my mentors) that bucks used their antlers to prod does out in front of them to act as scouts. I suppose in back-handed way that's sort of what you see during the chase-phase of the rut, but the motivations are all screwed up. As a result I spent the first few years of deer hunting with great shots on legal doe, but always holding off, knowing with certainty that The Big One was just a few yards behind.

Then there was the one I learned that turkeys always head to water after flydown. I wrecked the first dozen years of my turkey hunting positioning myself between the roost and a the nearest source of water. It has been only in the past few years that I discovered where turkeys really go after flydown:

Where do turkeys go after flydown

Then there was the one about how deer always travel into the wind:

O.D. and Playing the Wind

Lastly, I leave you with the wisdom of my mentor and departed friend, Buddy Joe Taylor. Joe was the local folklorist and radio personality back where KYHillChick grew up down on the KY/TN border. He was known to the locals as Professor Nitwit.
It Outta be Surefire.

My dad, who was born in 1917, used to tell a story of how, as a 10 year old boy, was just dying to shoot one of the ducks he'd seen at the pond past the tree line behind the house. So he "borrowed" his dad's 10-gauge double-barrel, early one morning, and snuck out of the house before first light, so he'd be ready for them when they came in.

He found a good hiding place in the bushes near the pond but began to doze while waiting in the near dark. Suddenly he was awakened by all the quacking as the ducks circled for a landing. Somewhat taken by surprise, he swung the big gun up but, because of its weight, and his excitement, fired a little low, both barrels.

He said he didn't get 1 duck. But came home with a bushel of ducks' feet.

Well, there's a lot stuff posted here that fits the BS category. I keep this plugged into my computer at all times.



I'll give you an example.

At the Campfire With Bill and Joe- Part One

Whenever Bill, Joe and I go hunting, the best part of the day starts after we have supper. We sit around the campfire, have a few drinks and shoot the breeze. Away from our normal lives, it�s great to relax in the company of friends.

What I did on our last trip was record part of the first night�s campfire chat. This was last fall; we were moose hunting at Lewzer�s Pass in Northern Ontario, just a few miles from Mouche Noir. I transcribed part of what was said, so that you could experience the fun. I�m an avid reader and usually get the ball rolling.

"Have any of you guys read this? It's from the latest edition of Mighty Guns Monthly magazine. Some guy in Arizona has come out with a 75 calibre cartridge based on the 50BMG. He calls it the 75 Slammer..."

"Wow! That's amazing Steve! What's it like to shoot?" Joe loved to hear about new rifles and cartridges.

"It doesn't say, Joe. Apparently the guy is too chicken to try it."

Bill chimed in. "Wait a minute, Steve. How can you make a 75 calibre cartridge from a 50BMG case? The bullet ain't gonna fit! And why do you buy that magazine anyways? Half the stories are full of crap. The other half wanna sell you stuff you won't ever use."

As Bill talked, you could see the disappointment in Joe�s face. Since grade school, Bill always was the doubting Thomas of the group. Even though he�d never seen one, Joe tried to explain to him how the Slammer worked.

"The 50 BMG is a bottlenecked case right? They just get rid of the bottleneck, that's all. Why do you always have to run things down, Bill?"

"'Cause it ain't gonna work, that's why. Okay, so you end up with a straight walled case, right? Where is it gonna headspace off of? 45/70s and 303s headspace off the rim 'cause it sticks out. The 50BMG is a rimless case. Don't you get it? They're pullin' your leg!"

I had to admit that what Bill said made sense. Joe grabbed the magazine and scanned the page. After a few seconds he said,

"Yeah? Well it says right here that they have some rifles already made up and they got pictures too. Right underneath it says, 'NEXT MONTH, RANGE RESULTS WITH PICTURES!'"

It was time for me to shut up and watch the fun. Bill and Joe could go on for hours. Bill started again.

"Okay then, I'll try this another way. Suppose a guy DID have a 75 calibre rifle. What the heck are you going to use it for?"

"African game. Hello! See Bill, writers have been writing about magnums for a while now. Remember when all they wrote about was them Super Short and Ultra rifles? I guess the Slammer's designer figured that heavy and slow bullets are about to come back in style again. He wanted to be the first guy to come up with a workable cartridge."

"Workable? Are you nuts!?! How much does the bullet weigh?"

"It says 2000 grains..."

"Well, that makes sense then doesn't it? That's manageable. That's a reasonable weight. Oh brother! Are they spitzers? Okay. I must have misunderstood. That should rocket successfully to the top so to speak..."

"Bill, you just don't get it. This rifle ain't made for us regular guys. Well, not exactly. A big name gunsmith like Charles Sisque builds one out of fancy wood and gives it away to a famous writer like Jon Barsnett. Them are the ones worth $5000 or more okay? Then, some photographer takes pictures and Barsnett comes up with a story that we're supposed to believe. After, a few of us write the editor and either complain or praise the guy or the article. That's how things work in the publishing industry. Ain't you been to that website, 24 hour CampFryer?"

"No, and I don't intend to. The internet is full of weirdoes. Is that supposed to be a hunting site?"

"Yes. And the guys there ain't weirdoes. They even got real, verified gun writers that post in the "Gut the Gunwriter" forum. It's moderated though, so you can't give some famous person a blast and expect it will stand. The moderator is a doctor."

"So, you mean guys like Jon Barsnett or Gregg Barrington go there?"

"Barsnett does, but Barrington doesn't. He's too busy flying planes for the Air Force. Steve Zapperton posts there though. They discuss all sorts of neat things..."

"Like what?"

"Well, like the atmospherical air affects of the air on bullets in the air and stuff..."

"So you mean it's stuff that you either don't understand or don't care about because you only hunt with a 30/30?"

"I guess...but it's still neat to read! One time they had a discussion about the influence of space radiation on a spinning body in the atmosphere.�

Bill just sat there looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a pickup. I guess he was either amazed or confused. It didn�t seem like Joe noticed though. He just kept on talking.

�Why are you givin' me that dumb look, Bill? Okay, so you may not understand about all that, but there are some of us guys that do. Did you know that gamma rays can cause instability in copperized bullets in a dibilitated ionasphere? Since you use them Burns Copperized Hex Bullets so much, I'd think that would interest you."

"No, it don't. Do they talk about animals?"

"Heck yeah! There was a thread on Bigfoot in Montana and another on how to properly butcher buffalo wings..."

"Buffalo wings? Bigfoot? Are you nuts? Buffaloes don�t have wings! And everybody knows that there ain�t no such thing as Bigfoot! I�m sorry Joe, but these people sound a little loony to me..."

"Bill, just because you went night school does not mean you know everything. I can see you ain't eaten at Kernel Sandy's. Them wings come prepared with three different sauces. It's against the law to falsely advertise a product. I think it's one of them FDA things."

"The Food and Drug Administration?"

"No, the Franchise Dishonesty Act. I'm pretty sure anyway. Since I'm not in the business, I only read about it the papers..."

At the Campfire With Bill and Joe - Part Two

�You�re just talkin� stupid, Joe! The Franchise Dishonesty Act? Am I supposed to believe you? Besides, they must talk about other important things. You say they�re writers?�

�Yes Bill. One of the fishin� writers talked about red wigglers. The story was so good, I copied it down!� Joe dug through his duffle bag and pulled out a bunch of wrinkled up paper. �Here Bill. Read it.�

This was what it said.

Red Wigglers
by Fred Fisher

Let's take a minute to praise this extremely underrated worm.

There's a bunch of things that you just have to love about red wigglers. They make great bait, you can eat them and they make super party favours! Wrap them in plastic bags and give them out for Halloween. Use food coloring and dye them to make attractive decorations for otherwise blah food like liver or eggs. People on a diet and diabetics will appreciate the protein and lack of carbohydrates!

Their distinct appearance and flavor means that they can be used in a variety of drinks, as a garnish or as tasty hors d'oeuvres. Cooked or raw!

And, in one of the most famous cases of survival ever, a family of twelve from Tennessee survived for 16 years on a steady diet of red wigglers and white lightning. They discovered the benefits of the worm while crawling around on the ground after drinking the white lightning!

Given the quality of many of our fish species in this modern world, it can be argued that we're better off chowing down on a couple dozen red wigglers and steer clear of the fish.

And again, despite what others might say about outdoor plumbing, an infinite supply of worms is guaranteed if you start a worm farm around the outhouse. I've been screaming this for years. It seems that people are beginning to listen - finally!

Lastly, a small comment about dried worms. They are better for you than potato chips and are just as crunchy. Salted, they make a refreshing change to Cheezie Doodles or pretzels. With the water removed, they will keep for years. This is something that survivalists can really appreciate.

Next time you hold a red wiggler, remember to treat it with the respect it deserves.

---

"That�s the dumbest thing I ever read, Joe. I don�t think Fred Fisher is firin' on all cylinders! Let's get back to them bullets. The air bullets. If it's a huntin' forum, why do they waste their time talkin' about science stuff and fishin�? I don't get it."

"Look Bill, when writers ain't writing, they like to unwind. They're too high brow to watch TV. That is, unless it's got something to do with their work, like 'The Red Green Show' for instance. Instead, they like to mingle with other outdoorsmen. Swap ideas and things."

"Oh, I see. Like talkin' on the phone, only not so�um�spontaneous."

"Where'd you learn that word?"

"Watchin' TV."

"Well anyway, they hang out at 24 Hour CampFryer. Just click on 'Gut the Gunwriter' and you'll see them. My Internet handle there is Gutwrench Gus. You'll learn the rest in time. Just remember if you do drop by, try and be civil."

"I'll have a peek Joe, but they sound too high class for me. I'd feel outta place."

"Don't worry about it, Bill. There's some really dumb people like you there too. Of course, I ain't one of 'em..."

". . . after pulling the sewer lid back over the hole, the turkeys navigate through miles of sewer to emerge hours later in a culvert beside a major thoroughfare. You will frequently find them in these culverts feeding on your way home from hunting. In places like Ohio, where you can only hunt until Noon, the turkeys are relatively safe. If they survive flydown and the trip to the roach coach, they only have to slip into the sewer and find their way to the exit. By this time, the hunters are already out of the woods and the turkeys can slip back into the woods and loaf until it is time to fly back to their roost."

Thanks, Steve! Good stuff! I imagine there's a lot of good hunting around Mouche Noir.

My pleasure.

It's from an eBook called Offbeat Outdoor Tales, available here. Thanks for the opportunity to plug the thing.

http://www.amazon.com/Offbeat-Outdo...r=8-1&keywords=offbeat+outdoor+tales

A fellow told me, his 45-70 zeroed at 100y, keeps rising from that point and makes zero again around 450y. Swore black and blue it was true.

I figured a MV around 9000fps was the logical explanation. Very doable from a Guide Gun.

Bobnob, with an exacting charge of powder the monometal bullets will slide down the bore w/o engraving in the rifling, boosting velocity by 50%. Check it out.

Then, a guy could put 16" scope bases on his 45-70, and shoot everything from the hip. That would be a sweet sighting system on a Guide Gun!

Hah! I suspect half a stick of gelignite might have been the propellant too!

There used to be a guy at work that would bull schit about anything and everything, always had a story to one up everyone no matter what the topic was.

On two occasions he stumbled into a firearms discussion that a co-worker and I were having. The bull schiter didn't hunt or shoot mind you, but he was always willing to contribute.

On the first occasion he claimed that he and his son built a gun that could blow up the moon in one shot, but they still had not figured out how to cool the gun down after the shot so they had given up on it.

On another occasion he claimed that when he was in his 20's he would always go target shooting with his 30-06 and would make hitting targets out to 2500 yards was easy for him then but he didn't think he could do it now. I asked him how much drop his 30-06 had at that range and he told me at least a couple inches. Of course I called bull schit and showed him on a ballistics program how full of crap he was. He just shrugged his shoulders and said his gun must have been faster.

At your age farting can be a hit or miss thing, Got Depends?

Maybe, if his scope is a foot or so above the bore

America was once a nation of riflemen! Now....we're a nation of idiots!!

I went down that road with him, as well as the suggestion the 450y hits might have been bounced in. It made no difference!

One of my best new gun deals involved a couple of gun-counter jerks un-boxing some newly arrived rifles behind the counter, putting the big store price-tags on them, and then placing them in the rack.

One of the new arrivals was a Marlin Cowboy Limited in .45 Colt. I first took notice because the factory wood was quite a bit better than average. Then I noticed that the fellow had obviously miss-priced it as a standard Marlin 1894, at $499. They had other M-1894s in the rack at that price, but no other Cowboy models.

I politely, I thought, pointed out his mistake. He immediately took offense, and then called his buddy over. His partner backed him up on the price, also acting arrogant that I suggested that they might have made a mistake.

I gave them one more chance. I said, "So this is my price right now, $499?"

"Yes", they said.

I said, "Sold. Let's write it up". and they did.

I saved a couple of bills. A nice, fun rifle. I still have it.

Sometimes timing is everything.

mathman--

if only that were the case. of course he wasn't ever a boxer, and was only 5 ft 6 in tall--a little small for squaring off with ken norton--a blow or two from norton would have "jellied" his brain.

the actual reality was, he was a former convict, and i believe he had a long history of abusing drugs, as his teeth were gray and absolutely rotten to the core.

one time he told me about his ".50 caliber barnett" (which via his imagination, could have only been a cross between a rifle and a crossbow)...

i listened to his tales though--as they were better than the very best jokes that were ever told on the jobsite.

...one other bs story i recall:


back in the mid 70's, when scenarshooter and i were out hunting yotes nearly every day, i got to talking with this guy i'll call "D", who was a huge brute who knew precisely nil about hunting, or firearms.

i asked "D" about the rig he used for swatting dogs.

"i got lotsa riflesz--all kinds."

after a fashion i learned he was using a browning lever gun in .308 win.

i asked him how it was with the hides. "blows Big holes in 'em", he said.

i asked him, "how big are the holes?" "Bigg", he replied.

i held my hand up and indicated about a two inch circle. "Bigger", he replied.

i indicated about a 4-5 inch circle. "BIGGER", he gruffed.

"you're at about the limit there "D"--so how big were those holes blown in the hides?"

"BIGGER THAN A GARBAGE CAN", he growled.

it's been 39 years, and Pat and i still laugh about it every so often when we visit--as it was "over the top--impossibly ridiculous bs".

this one from behind the counter.
Deer hunting on Colorado this nimrod armed with a 30-04 springfield sporter with 180 rem's took his 10 point Mulie at 600 measured yards. said mulie was at a dead run across the slope. " I held on his nose and broke his neck"