Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire I have to sign final divorce papers tomorrow...

GFY.



Clark

Sorry for tour troubles, BTDT, but always remember this. Nothing rankles an ex like them knowing you are happy and content without them.

When she gets pissy with you - smile.
When she makes demands - smile
Sign the divorce papers and shake her hand!

Take whatever time you can with your son and build a happy life, It will be good for you and your son and it will always tick her off.

dc223...having participated in the resolution of over 600 divorce cases,please know that within 6 months or maybe even less,90% or more of the angst and adverse emotions that impact upon your life right now will vanish.

In any event,it is my hope the void is positively filled in the sooner and that your next companionship adventure becomes more rewarding than the last. Move on well,amigo.

PS: from my same experiences stated above,FWIW, if worth anything at all,your estranged wife's current relationship has about a 20% chance or less of making it past another 8-12 months.

If you're above 60,dc223, save the energies and emotions necessary to seek vengeance or revenge for matters worthy of the drain.

Oldmodel said it right. Nothing rankles the ex like seeing you having a good time. I know it is tough right now but right now you need to start having fun, laughing, looking to the future.
When ever you see her you need to laugh at her. She has all the power and is calling all the shots now. When she sees you having a great time and smiling and laughing,with your son, it will gall her. Women hate to be laughed at. When you see her laugh at her and shake your head. You will have the last laugh. You will have your power back.

You know more than me about such matters.I would think 20% to be on the high side.He already knows she cant be trusted.

Take that a step further and when you are tempted to pine away about old times, remember only the times she was on her knees.

Very sorry to hear of your troubles, but with a bit of luck, the sun will start to shine.

Mucho good advice and I've not BTDT so I'll just echo words of a good friend. Take time to heal, time to be whole again before you enter into a relationship.

I think doing things for the ones you love is better motivation than doing things for the ones you hate.

Doing things for the sole purpose of upsetting another person is not healthy. And it sets a poor example to the young man in his life.



Travis

Nailed it right there!

BTDT, like so many here. A lot of good advice. Best thing you can do for YOU and for YOUR BOY is put any thoughts of revenge or getting back at her out of your head. It's like someone here said some time ago, "Holding a grudge is like letting someone live in your mind rent-free." Focus on your boy and yourself and every time the ex darkens your mental/emotional doorway, think about something else. Stay away from the booze and the bars and work from day one on the life you want to live.

Dogcatcher, my friend, before you can take advantage of ANY of the excellent suggestions offered here, you MUST do one thing...RIGHT NOW.

Grant your self a divorce from the woman. No Judge can grant you a divorce that has any real value. You'll be walking around with a piece of paper claiming you're single, but a woman living rent free in your head.

You were only half of the marriage, but you are ALL of the divorce. Forgive the damn woman for everything she's ever done to you, or you'll make as big a mess of the divorce as you likely did to the marriage.

There are MANY advantages to being the SINGLE father to a son, as opposed to being a MARRIED father to a son.

You will never discover them until you rid yourself of ALL the resentment you harbor against your ex.

Ask yourself if you want your son to be mothered by a woman who is bitter and unhappy, and it will be easier to truly wish her well.

Forgive. Only a fool forgets.

Close one chapter of the book, take a breather, and start writing the next chapter. And be sure to make it the best chapter yet. Nobody knows which one is their last chapter anyway.

Are you suggesting he abandon the Steelhead model completely or can he use it when he is particularly offended?

So ... what's the question? I mean that seriously. You have to ask yourself whether what you're fighting for is on the table or not.

It doesn't matter whether you want the divorce or not. That fight has been lost. The court can't mandate she love you, that fight has also been lost.

All that is left is the terms of the divorce. Do the custody arrangements fall within state guidelines? Are there extenuating legal circumstances, not just your wants, the court can consider? Do the economic arrangements fall within state guidelines? Same ... are there extenuating circumstances you can prove legally to change the outcome?

Unless there is something you actually can win, that there's a solid legal basis for, not just wishful thinking, sign the damn papers and get it over with.

Tom

Truly sorry to hear that; only real alternative is just to pull yourself up by the bootstraps & move on in every facet of your life.

Try to do the best you can by your son, but realistically, from the tone of your post, sounds like she may use that as a lever too.

Best of Luck & I sincerely mean that.

MM

[video:youtube]https://m.youtube.com/watch?list=FLlTJe2YI1MEuHgQ2ZCElarw&v=-bi5Oci3m3M[/video]

Just about everything has been covered. And DeFlave, WHO ARE YOU?

Two things.

A wise man once said "if you want to know what you will be like in five years, look at the company you keep". That goes both for you and her.

Second, the best revenge is living well. The only thing you have to do is figure out what living well means to you (and your son).

Flave, that is sofa king Zen like, and as they say "you cannot step in the same river twice".
Or “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

Just sayin.

I didn't read everything that everyone else commented but here's mine. I went by advice from a wise man that had already been through it. Don't ever put her down in front of your son. Kids are always listening whether they act like it or not. Show him your love by cooking him good meals when you have him. Take him to church every chance you have and teach him the right things. Show him all the love you can and don't put other stuff in front of him on his visitation days. Do this and whenever he becomes legal age to make his own choice he will be at your door with his suitcase.

Dogcatcher you have my sympathy. Over the last two or three years I have witnessed several friends go through divorce and the good news is every last one of them feels reborn.

One of my closest recently finalized his. When she said she was leaving he called and was devastated. I actually thought he called to say someone had died. He poured his heart out to her. Wrote all his faults and failings as a husband and blamed himself. I thought him hugely adult. Normally one sees nothing but spite. He took a different route and I was immensely proud of him but thought she was the one at fault and it was ok to say so.

He overflowed with loving sincerity and good will only to receive cold self centeredness. I made sure to stay in constant touch and be a good friend. My only advice was to tell him the faster he accepted she was gone the sooner his heart could heal. False hope is a time killer and destroyer. He would not let anyone speak ill of her but we are close enough I dropped some hints at her responsibility in all this.

Somewhat of a surprise but sooner rather than later, and while seeing a shrink, he went on to match .com. He has met several lovely women and spoke to me truthfully last week saying he can't imagine he would have spent the rest of his life with his now ex. I always felt he bent to her every whim and think now feels out from under something he didn't know he was under. He told me he feels 17 again some days. He truthfully wants his ex to be happy but ha cut off the emotional tie. she is miserable.

Whether any of this is something you can relate to only you can know- but there is definitely good life ahead for you if you grab it. Don't know your ex but if history is any teacher I doubt I can say the same for her.

Take extra good care of yourself physically over the next few weeks. Plan the best possible future for you and your son. Several here including myself will no doubt be pulling, and praying, for you