Life can suck sometimes.

My Mom has dementia, and has been locked in their assisted living facility since early April. She hasn’t handled it well.
There has been no help from the medical community. It seems the bastards are hiding.

What a travesty this damn Covid coup has brought down on those most vulnerable.

Nit Whitmer needs to go. I want to be there if the privileged bitch ever gets the karma she deserves.

I'll hold her for you Bro.

Sorry about mom, can't be easy.

Lib leaders have treated the most vulnerable. harshly.

There needs to be an accounting, for sure.

Starting with that narcissistic clown, the New York Governor, who ordered nursing homes to receive infected Covid patients when alternative accommodations were available, courtesy of Trump and the U.S. Govt.

Cuomo is personally responsible for a bunch of unnecessary deaths. MSM is covering for him, don't guess they give a ___ about seniors, as long as "the agenda" is being advanced.

They reckon "ya gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet...." Sick SOB's...

DF

My dad had it. He died at 92 and spent his last year in a VA Alzheimer facility. What really sucked was that he always thought he was in jail. Every time we visited he wanted to know what he'd done to be in jail. That hurt!

My wife's grandmother/aka/mother had it...took her 9 years to die from it....9 very long years during which she knew no one. Death was a blessing for her and the family.
You have my sympathy...been there done that. Praying for you and your family.

Mom had it...awful and terrible. That's all I got to say.

Grandma passed last year. She had it l. Tough watching her go. I love my grandma.

Dad passed from it last week. 2 1/2 years of hell watching him fade away!

I'm in the same exact boat.

Mom has been on lock-down since mid-March.

Thankfully we are able to go see her from a safe social distance in person but it has taken a toll on her and us.

She just doesn't understand why she can't hug us or have any contact.
'
Pretty heart-breaking and I feel for you too.

I’m sorry you are going through this

None in our family but helped out some neighbors before and after going into assisted living. Not much one can do. One lasted about 2.5 years. Another was in for about 15. One can try, but it's a tough row to hoe.

It's tough, it's sad., I feel sorry but. In Ontario , one long term care had over %50 death rate after COVID-19 go in. In Sweden when it cot into long term care,they weren't bothering to give them oxygen, saving the supplies for the younger ones. I think that can be called euthanasia .

In no way intended to detract from the heartbreak of people with loved ones with dementia.
But, I'm pretty sure I'm displaying symptoms. I have had visions of 330 million people wearing sinister looking masks. I keep having visions of mobs of people in black shirts running amok nightly in formerly American cities with little or no response from law enforcement, when clearly laws are being flouted. The onset of this debility is rapid, I wasn't having these delusions a year ago.

I am the legal guardian of my 48 year-old retarded nephew who lives most of the time in a Virginia state sponsored home.

He is under complete lockdown.

We usually get him one weekend a month and take him to our country house.

I still talk to him a few times a week.

The coronavirus lockdown has completely zapped his brain.

Although he is retarded he's about Forrest Gump functional.

Having spent the past five months observing my fellow man under CV19 stress... et al... I have come to realize that a metric ton of my fellow citizens are at or very near the same IQ level as my nephew.

With all that said, I wonder how many individuals who have lost all that they have in business.

Or have lost a spouse to illness for divorce.

Or have become drug addicts or alcoholics.

Or suicides.

The news is full of Coronavirus deaths, I speculate that number pales in comparison to the number of people that are dying unrecognized from the fall-out caused by government mandates.

I watched my father slowly crumble and vanish for several years. His wife took really good care of him as long as she could, but he eventually got to be too much to handle. He kept trying to escape the house and got violent with her several times, including breaking her arm. We finally realized that she was the reason he was sticking around, so we talked her into putting him into a facility while she took a trip to have a break and recover emotionally and physically. He died after a month. We all suffered for several years before that. That was about 5 years ago.

Then my mother had rapid onset dementia hit and she mentally disappeared for several months. Her husband, who does not communicate very well, told my brothers and I nothing until after they'd returned from their Arizona home back to Idaho in the Spring. It is usual not to hear from them or to be able to get a hold of them. She sort of came back mentally in almost miraculous fashion, but the downhill slide since then has been very linear. That was two years ago. We just celebrated her 75th birthday last weekend with a big party and gathering (fuuck you Covid fear-mongerers). Coincidentally her birthday is today. I was able to talk to her and really connect for several minutes, but the rest of the time, she was mostly lost. The difference is that she has moved more smoothly through the fear and anger phases. She was very violent at the outset, and she has her bouts with fear, but in the main, she does well to keep a happy demeanor. Her husband is hell-bent on taking care of her himself, though he can't even get around without a walker. They have more money than God, so he is doing a good job of it with all the help money can buy. He isn't willing to rely on family, though we have tried to step in and help here and there. I am glad she still remembers me. We were very close as adults, and would often have long philosophical conversations. She was quite brilliant. Her father was a genius. She was a genius. I miss her very much.

I went through it with my dad, so I am more prepared as she gets worse, but damn, it's hard.

M Stevenson, I sympathize with you regarding your mother's dementia. (Alzheimer's dementia???) My wife died in Feb. of asperation pneumonia, complicated by Alzheimer's. She'd suffered from it for several years. The various dementia disorders are terrible, awful disorders for which there is no cure. Not only are the victims destroyed, but so are the families of their loved ones. Watching the unstoppable deterioration of your mother will be difficult. I wish you and your family the best.

L.W.

Dad lost his long battle with Alzheimer's/Dementia last month. Mom has it as well.
I feel your pain.

g

My grandmother had it for a year before she died,she used to beg me to take her home,it was sad,but i always used to tell her,"remember when you d give me a piggy back ride?" Then she would smile... But,like the rest,a blessing when she went in her sleep.our world is not the same without her.
A good friend of ours was talking to her 78 year old dad for like a half an hour,and he stopped,patted her hand,and said," your such a nice young lady,do you know my daughter?" Thats when she knew it had started.its heartbreaking
And i pray it doesn t last long for you.

I Feel for all of you, going thru this with Mom now and with grandmother, her Mom! its just NOT right for people to have to go thru this! Im afraid that ill end up like this, have told a few friends to let me know, if I start losing it I want to go out on My Terms!

My mom’s sisters and her whole extended family suffered from Alzheimer’s. Her mom and all her aunts and uncles had it.

So far at 73 years old my mom is doing great. I’ve convinced her to take some Lions Mane mushroom extract. There is some extremely promising research on Lions Mane and dementia. The research points to a compound in the mushroom root (mycelium) as being the active compound to increase nerve growth factor. I am in communication with a company about making me up a custom Lions Mane mycelium alcohol extract. I do plan on marketing it.

Here’s a bit of a write up:

http://mycologypress.com/research/dementia/

.

Losings parents and grandparents to this slow terrible killer is bad enough, but last year I lost my wife.
Winnie had been so full of life...

Find out what you options are for moving her. Then figure which of them are best. You will not likely get the facility to change their basic behavior.

Been there. Done that. Best of luck.

BIL had Frontal-Temporal Dementia; typically they last about half as long as an Alzheimer. He died at age 77 after around 3 yrs in a facility. He had been affected for a couple of years before getting bad enough to be admitted.

IIRC, the average life span after Alzheimer DX is around 9 years or so, depending on age of onset and general health issues.

DF

My gosh there are people here who bear heavy burdens.

Amen.

Nothing else I can offer, but perhaps try to understand.

Both of my wife's parents and my father had dementia. They all lived into their 90s. My wife and I have discussed how it was a blessing that they all passed away before this whole pandemic thing because at least they didn't die alone nor were neglected.

Dementia is the worst. There's no upside at all.

My Mom pickled herself, drinking hard until she was too far gone to go out and buy booze. Had in-home caregivers, but her affairs were a mess and it all fell on me. But she was just gone, no rationality left, just a paranoid 5 year old on her best days. She finally fell, busted her shoulder (didn't call 911), the hospital couldn't move her to the nursing home fast enough (over my protests, I was 1000 miles away) and after 14 hours there, she choked to death on potato salad.

I've decided I'm going to have papers written up that if I can't pass certain cognizance tests, I'm done except for palliatives, no food, just water. I see no point in stripping my estate and heirs for pointless "memory care." Screw that, screw the system.

Mark, I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I know all too well what dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s is like. It’s terribly hard on loved ones but then this Covid crap came along and made a bad situation worse, almost unbearable for our loved one.

I wish I had a better answer and could offer you some words to help make things easier but I don’t, I don’t think there’s any way to overcome the hysteria that has swept away all logic and compassion. I will however offer my prayers of comfort and peace for your mom and your family.

We lost Dad (my father in law) in June. He survived exactly 1 year from when we could no longer care for him and were forced to put him in a secure facility. It was a beautiful place, new and immaculate and dad took to it after some initial resistance and soon he was happily at home in his mind. We visited often even though it was 175 miles one way (close to mom) and as it happened we visited dad the week before they locked down the country over Covid. We spoke on the phone and we talked to the facility and doctors multiple times each week for updates and to let them know that our forced absence didn’t mean that we weren’t watching. Dad went downhill fast. I spoke to the facility on Saturday when we were leaving mom’s and dad’s house to head home and he was fine, by Monday we were headed back because dad was slipping fast. We all made it over before dad passed and got to visit him and say our goodbyes. The facility allowed “compassionate visits” at the end of life. The facility could not have been nicer or more compassionate and accommodating. We were allowed to visit him in his room in pairs and could stay as long as we wanted. We had to wash our hands at the outside wash basin and wear masks but we took them off once in his room. We visited him 2 by 2 a few times each over the next 2 days, the head nurse gave me his home number and told me to call anytime day or night. We were all together at grandma and grandpa’s house, eating ice cream with grandma and laughing when I got the call.

May God grant you all peace.

Dementia is even worse than it’s already horrible reputation. Prayers for m stevenson and his family.

China Syndrome is just an excuse to bilk the federal government for money and back burner their problem patients..
Sorry that you and her a getting screwed by svc gate....

Never thought I would hear Mom call me a dirty rotten muutherfuuker, but there it was.
We have thrown them in jail, and we are looking to steal their money or just getting rid of them because they are old and a burden.
This paranoia has led to her not taking her meds because we talked the docs into giving them meds that make them compliant. And that’s how we tricked them into signing the lease.....on and on and on.
The hardest part is not being able to get to them. This is due to Whitmer and her cabal threaten to yank the licenses of facilities and bar anyone who works there from ever working in care positions. Evil bitch

Focus on your mother, not your governor. That's your problem and one you can fix.

Thanks, but mind your own business.
Troll all over the rest of this board, but leave this one alone.

Read what I posted (both of them) again.

Thought this was about ol’ dopey Joe.


Sorry for your troubles, mark.

Dementia /Alzheimers scares me

I recently had a run in with memory loss, and having a taste of what its like, it gets to your core and doesn't leave.

Fuqk off beans, be a man for once.

Give it up. You just want to bitch. Mark's path is pretty clear. Been there.

I can certainly sympathize with you. In 2013 my dog, my constant companion for 8 years, suddenly would not leave my wife's side. Months later I started noticing noticing memory lapses with her. It was easily noticeable because she always had a terrific memory. I took her for tests and finally in September of 2014 we got to see a specialist who diagnosed Alzheimers ( a year and a half after my dog had apparently knew something was wrong).

Last Christmas she was examined by a representative of our local Health Authority who said not only should she be in a care home, but should have been in one months earlier. Then Covid 19 hit and I was told that if she went into a care home I would not be able to visit her, until the Covid crisis was over. She's still at home and I am now experiencing the anger phase Alzheimer's patients go through. Like you I am called a f*cking assh*le, a rotten bast*rd and told to go to h*ll on a regular basis. I can't believe these words are coming from someone who before, wouldn't say sh*t if her mouth was full of it.

As I said earlier, you have my condolences and my wish for this anger phase to drop away swiftly. I have been told it will, but I guess anything can happen.

Again best of luck.

Moby I, M. Stevenson, and others who have loved ones suffering from Alzheimer's dementia -- or the other dementias -- here is a link to the videos by Dr. Natili Edmonds, PhD, specializing in dementia patients. Her videos were very helpful to me with understanding what was happening to my wife, and how to deal with her Alzheimer's disorder. I was making many mistakes as I was very ignorant as to what was going on in my wife's mind and just what Alzheimer's really was.

Dr. Edmonds' many videos are on You Tube and are most edifying and helpful. Perhaps they might make things a bit easier on you ... and your loved ones. The videos are not long and take little time to view. Below is just one of many she's made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGjuX8WHJLk

L.W.

Heartbreaking, to say the least. May God bless all of you dealing with this.

Thanks L.W.

m stevenson;
Good evening sir, I'll dispense with my usual salutation and say something uncharacteristic for me, which is that I might know a wee bit how you're feeling now.

My mother and mother in law were both dementia patients and my wife and I were the closest children so we dealt with the brunt of the transitions as well as all medical, financial and healthcare issues.

My mother in law entered that phase of life when she came out of surgery for a broken hip in a somewhat confused and confrontational state and the hospital staff medicated her - twice - with something that they obviously shouldn't have.

She ended up being in a care facility for just under 6 years and passed this May. Because of the whole beer flu thing we've still not had a family get together so there's really been a hole in the closure for my wife's family for sure and honestly me too as I got along better with her than my own mother.

My mother slid slowly and less than easily into dementia, it was about a 3 year ordeal with her ending with her passing, not quite a year to the day previous to my mother in law.

Someday I'm either going to write a book on what not to do dealing with both the medical system and dementia patients as I believe we had pretty much everything go wrong with one or the other mother before we were through.

If you ever want to "talk" to someone who has been down the path you're on, please feel free to PM me and I will do my level best to answer anything - anything.

Honestly helping a few folks who are going through the same thing with their parents is about the only thing that's positive coming out of this sir. It's a tough, tough card to pull out of the deck and there's no sugar coating it.

Anyways sir, feel free to PM if you're inclined and you are for sure and certain in my thoughts and prayers.

Dwayne

My buddys mom took a couple yrs to leave.
I dunno how he and his dad managed.
Feel sorry for those who not only lose loved ones, but have them depart in such fashion.

Thanks for the link and the advice Lean Wolf.
There’s some good stuff there

My wife has been diagnosed with early onset dementia. Most folks don’t notice anything yet but it is very apparent to me. Today was the first time she didn’t feel comfortable driving. Most days are good but I know harder days are coming.

Doesn’t seem to be a lot of support here from the medical community. We went to the local specialists who did all the tests and confirmed the results indicated dementia. Promised they would follow up regularly and recommend treatment, care, meds, etc. Never heard from them again. Won’t answer phone calls, return messages or answer emails.

Getting concerned enough now with the progression that I’m going to have to find a specialist who will stay in contact with us.

It’s hard to watch her struggle with things that came easy to her. Math confounds her. I have to remind her daily of the names of new friends. Several times a day she’ll ask what the plan for the day is. Fortunately I work from home a great deal now. Recipes she’s made all her life she now has to follow the recipe closely.

She has a good attitude about it so far. She accepts what is happening and makes jokes about it. Some days I just have to hold her when she gets down or feels out of focus as she puts it. My hope and prayer is that I will handle it with grace and compassion as it progresses for her.

Leanwolf

- Thank you for the Video. It helped determine what stage my wife was in. Sadly she is in the the final stages and I apparently don't have much time left, where she will recognize me as someone she trusts. I take her out to lunch or dinner as often as I can, but at this point she doesn't know who I am despite the fact that we have been married for over 50 years.

A nightly ritual is to ask her questions about her life. She is surprised to know we are married, because she can't remember my name, or her brother's name.

I will enjoy the last days as much as I can because she was the best wife I could ever expect and I love her dearly.

Thank you again for the video and especially for caring enough to post it.

God bless you.

Mark, your mom didn't call you those names, the disease did. Dementia is a cruel bitch. Caring for your mom is hard enough without all the COVID bullshit. You're a good son and your mom has always known that. She just can't tell you anymore.

It'll be a year in August that we buried dad. Mom tried caring for him for 2 years at home. He said some pretty awful things to both of us, tried to leave in the middle of the night a number of times, ate weird stuff like dry oatmeal or gravy mix packets. The sheriff had to be called a couple of times. Every time he had an episode, mom would call me and I'd come over; no matter the hour. One time I had to disconnect the garage door opener so he wouldn't leave, the keys to the car were always hid. We put alarms on all exit doors. We put a black mat in front of his bedroom door so he would think it was a large hole and be afraid to cross it. I even had to take the firing pin out of the Sig that was at his bedside for so many years. His bathroom issues required mom doing laundry every day. We didn't get a lot of sleep those 2 years. It plumb wore mom out. Even with the help we brought in.

We finally found a place that would take him. After 3 weeks they called an ambulance to take him to ER because he was "combative". Said he pinned two of them against a wall during a bathroom visit. The guy was 86 and in a walker for [bleep] sake. They said they wouldn't take him back. Found out later he called them Nigerians or some such. So he sat in ER for 2 days waiting for a placement. When none was found, they sent him by ambo to a psych hospital 2 hours away in another state, supposedly for 2 days. It was 3 weeks. Sociopaths and psychopaths stole his clothes and belongings. He was pushed down. kicked, and punched there. He has some sort of K poisoning there too. I called no less than 70 places between my place and yours, all the way south to the state line. No joy. By happenstance and sheer desperation I went to a small local memory care house and they took him in with open arms. They treated him well. He lived there for 3 months before he passed. He said some pretty nice things to me in a moment of lucidity that I will never forget as long as I live. God bless those caregivers.

Mom and I talked about it. We're so grateful that he passed when he did. This COVID thing would have been sheer hell. She is still in their 2500sq ft house. She's 86 too now and kind of frail. She's scared to leave for an asst living place because people are dropping like flies there. 31 in one local facility. So I maintain 2 households. There ain't much free time. She's lonely and wore out. Dementia took two lives.

I told my wife that if there comes a time when I can't remember my kids names, the troopers can find me on the south bank of the North Branch, not far from the Holy Waters. There at my side will be an empty glass of a good bourbon, a half smoked maduro, and my favorite pistol.

My mom is 97 and is losing it a little bit. She's in surprisingly good shape physically, but has lost some mentally. We hired a caregiver to be with her 10 or 12 hours a day and make sure she takes her meds. She thinks she doesn't need the help. At times she's pretty lucid, but not at other times.

Here's some of the highlights of my in-laws dementia and our struggles. They decided one afternoon to go to a time-share presentation (years before they used to go to them just to get the free cheap stuff they give away but hadn't done that in awhile) and got lost. They lived in Central FL near Orlando and when they never returned home, a Silver Alert was issued. From cameras at the toll booths they were blowing thru, we learned they were driving in a loop from Miami to FL's west coast. They were missing for 2 days. We never did learn if/when/where they slept or ate. They were finally discovered at a gas station/convenience store. It was a fight to take away their car, it was a fight to take away his guns, and we had to go thru the lengthy legal process to have them declared incompetent. My FIL claimed we were all after his money when they found out they could no longer take money out of their accounts. He threatened to shoot his own son. They would not agree to go into an assisted living facility. Finally we had to trick them into leaving their house, telling them they were going on vacation to visit their son in SC and placed them in an assisted living facility with a memory care unit. We were called every name in the book and they said some very hurtful things to all of us. Then they entered into a phase where they became sweeter in their dispositions but would do things like brush their hair with their toothbrush, put lipstick in their hair etc. My MIL passed away from pneumonia due to aspiration of food. My FIL slowly declined to the point where he thought he was back in England in his Air Corps barrack and complaining about having to go on another bombing mission after he had already done his 35 missions. When we told him the war was over, he asked, "Who won?" Eventually he just stopped eating or drinking and got weaker until he passed away. He was lucid enough at one point to say that he was ready to go and was placed in hospice.

My wife called her folks every day and my brother in law visited them several times a week to make sure they were being well cared for. Here's what I know about assisted living or nursing homes: Your loved ones will get better care if you visit them and check on them often and speak up loudly when needed. The poor residents whose relatives rarely visited them were the ones most often neglected. There is probably no place more depressing than a memory care ward or nursing home, but ya gotta go visit them often.

Mark... I know exactly what you're going through; definitely a hand full, frustrating, and sad. My MIL has it and will be 104 in a couple weeks. She lived alone until about 4.5 yrs ago when she fell and broke her hip. She fell about 20' from her phone and managed to get to the phone somehow w/o getting up, pulled the phone off desk by using her good leg, called us (1 mile away) and said she fell and can't get up! Called ambulance, hospitalized, repaired, and admitted to care facility. This is when dementia started showing and has really worsened since. Upon her release (couple months), we started caring for her & had her in our home until last January when we had no choice but to admit her to local Assisted Living facility. At 80 & 82 respectively, we literally had no choice. To further complicate issues, she's nearly stone deaf & poor eyesight. She remained in the facility until June 15, when we pulled her out and back to her home with my youngest daughter (just retired & buying Granny's home) who insisted on taking care of her. She has her hands full, as she's now confined to wheelchair & requires constant care. I could add a ton more of incidents to this already long post, but really would serve no purpose, as anyone who has dealt with this ungodly disease fully understands the trials & tribulations. Hang in there Mark & praying for you and all the others that are coping with this miserable disease .

I get called everything except a child of God. ( Jag will appreciate that! LOL).

But now she seems to be taking the passive aggression route. Can find little good in anything. She cannot converse on ANY subject without getting extremely emotional. Her new hoarding past time now is ordering T-shirts on Amazon Prime. Least she’s off ordering cheap chinee shoes and snake oil. She can remember how to do all that. But can’t get out of the chair to close the front door when it starts to rain.

This is the wife I speak of. I asked her social worker what we're the odds of her having vascular dementia. She said extremely HIGH with the stroke history. Lots of right Frontal lobe trauma.

She usually will ask me at least 4 or 5 times a day "why are you mad at me?" If I go outside to work or go to my shop for a while to putter around that means I’m mad at her.

kaywoodie, Moby1, mart & all;
This is just to say that having gone through this wretched condition with both our Moms, I still cannot begin to envision what it would be like to trod this path with my own wife.

Honestly it breaks my heart reading your respective posts.

You all are in my prayers for strength, wisdom and patience.

Again, I can't imagine what you all are experiencing and am so sorry you've been given that pack to carry.

Dwayne

I often worry that this horrible disease will get a foothold on me someday. I'm 61 and have a memory issue once in a great while and then that is when the concern flares up..

I'm dealing with this with my 84 year old mother now as it slowly gets worse. I'd not wish it on my worse enemy... Prayers for all you guys having to carry this burden.

Good gesture, Paul.

👍🏻😎

m_s

Sorry you and your family are experiencing this...It’s horrible.

Thanks for the comments, prayers and good wishes.
The startling thing is when you find out just how many others have the same experiences.
It’s a terrible affliction, with no solution except to be a loving caring son.
To all the rest of you folks dealing with this as we are, you have our prayers for understanding and comfort.

Mark!!
All of us here feel for you!! Hang in there buddy!
God bless you and your family!!

Denny

I think I have it sometimes!!!

For those here dealing with a loved one's dementia, here is a very good book for caring for a loved one, or dealing with that loved one who had to be placed in a memory care facility. The 36-Hour Day, by Nancy Mace, MA, and Peter V. Rabins, MD, MPH, © 1981, 1991, 2006, 2011, John Hopkins University Press.

In addition to the short videos of Dr. Natili Edmonds, link on bottom of page 4 of this thread, The 36-Hour Day is very, very helpful. Everyone here who is dealing/dealt with a loved one suffering dementia, knows just how very appropriate and accurate that title is. It's a 36-hour a day job.

I would feel as if I were in a nightmare from which I could not wake up. It was as if I were standing on the edge of a very dark, deep lake, watching my wife out in the cold water, drowning. No matter what I did, I could not rescue her and slowly, slowly, slowly watching her sink beneath the surface. I'm sure I am not the only one here who experienced that maddening feeling of utter helplessness.

Best wishes to all.

L.W.

Mart, Sorry to hear all this.. My friend,s wife suffered from this.. Best wishes and best of luck!

Thank you sir.

My mother had it the last 3 years of her life. We could see her slipping away more and more every day. God intervened when her leg broke at age 87. Seven weeks later she passed away. It was a sad but happy day in our lives. She was relieved of her illness and was at peace.

kwg