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Re: Dementia [Re: Birdwatcher] #15089828 07/28/20
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Originally Posted by Birdwatcher
My gosh there are people here who bear heavy burdens.


Heartbreaking, to say the least. May God bless all of you dealing with this.


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Re: Dementia [Re: Leanwolf] #15089869 07/28/20
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Originally Posted by Leanwolf
Moby I, M. Stevenson, and others who have loved ones suffering from Alzheimer's dementia -- or the other dementias -- here is a link to the videos by Dr. Natili Edmonds, PhD, specializing in dementia patients. Her videos were very helpful to me with understanding what was happening to my wife, and how to deal with her Alzheimer's disorder. I was making many mistakes as I was very ignorant as to what was going on in my wife's mind and just what Alzheimer's really was.

Dr. Edmonds' many videos are on You Tube and are most edifying and helpful. Perhaps they might make things a bit easier on you ... and your loved ones. The videos are not long and take little time to view. Below is just one of many she's made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGjuX8WHJLk

L.W.


Thanks L.W.


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Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15089959 07/28/20
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Originally Posted by m_stevenson
Never thought I would hear Mom call me a dirty rotten muutherfuuker, but there it was.
We have thrown them in jail, and we are looking to steal their money or just getting rid of them because they are old and a burden.
This paranoia has led to her not taking her meds because we talked the docs into giving them meds that make them compliant. And that’s how we tricked them into signing the lease.....on and on and on.
The hardest part is not being able to get to them. This is due to Whitmer and her cabal threaten to yank the licenses of facilities and bar anyone who works there from ever working in care positions. Evil bitch

m stevenson;
Good evening sir, I'll dispense with my usual salutation and say something uncharacteristic for me, which is that I might know a wee bit how you're feeling now.

My mother and mother in law were both dementia patients and my wife and I were the closest children so we dealt with the brunt of the transitions as well as all medical, financial and healthcare issues.

My mother in law entered that phase of life when she came out of surgery for a broken hip in a somewhat confused and confrontational state and the hospital staff medicated her - twice - with something that they obviously shouldn't have.

She ended up being in a care facility for just under 6 years and passed this May. Because of the whole beer flu thing we've still not had a family get together so there's really been a hole in the closure for my wife's family for sure and honestly me too as I got along better with her than my own mother.

My mother slid slowly and less than easily into dementia, it was about a 3 year ordeal with her ending with her passing, not quite a year to the day previous to my mother in law.

Someday I'm either going to write a book on what not to do dealing with both the medical system and dementia patients as I believe we had pretty much everything go wrong with one or the other mother before we were through.

If you ever want to "talk" to someone who has been down the path you're on, please feel free to PM me and I will do my level best to answer anything - anything.

Honestly helping a few folks who are going through the same thing with their parents is about the only thing that's positive coming out of this sir. It's a tough, tough card to pull out of the deck and there's no sugar coating it.

Anyways sir, feel free to PM if you're inclined and you are for sure and certain in my thoughts and prayers.

Dwayne

Last edited by BC30cal; 07/28/20. Reason: better wording - maybe???

The most important stuff in life isn't "stuff"

Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090006 07/28/20
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My buddys mom took a couple yrs to leave.
I dunno how he and his dad managed.
Feel sorry for those who not only lose loved ones, but have them depart in such fashion.

Re: Dementia [Re: Leanwolf] #15090090 07/28/20
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Originally Posted by Leanwolf
Moby I, M. Stevenson, and others who have loved ones suffering from Alzheimer's dementia -- or the other dementias -- here is a link to the videos by Dr. Natili Edmonds, PhD, specializing in dementia patients. Her videos were very helpful to me with understanding what was happening to my wife, and how to deal with her Alzheimer's disorder. I was making many mistakes as I was very ignorant as to what was going on in my wife's mind and just what Alzheimer's really was.

Dr. Edmonds' many videos are on You Tube and are most edifying and helpful. Perhaps they might make things a bit easier on you ... and your loved ones. The videos are not long and take little time to view. Below is just one of many she's made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGjuX8WHJLk

L.W.

Thanks for the link and the advice Lean Wolf.
There’s some good stuff there


Mark

NRA Life Member
Anytime anyone kicks cancers azz is a good day!

~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~

Oh The Drama!
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Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090128 07/28/20
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My wife has been diagnosed with early onset dementia. Most folks don’t notice anything yet but it is very apparent to me. Today was the first time she didn’t feel comfortable driving. Most days are good but I know harder days are coming.

Doesn’t seem to be a lot of support here from the medical community. We went to the local specialists who did all the tests and confirmed the results indicated dementia. Promised they would follow up regularly and recommend treatment, care, meds, etc. Never heard from them again. Won’t answer phone calls, return messages or answer emails.

Getting concerned enough now with the progression that I’m going to have to find a specialist who will stay in contact with us.

It’s hard to watch her struggle with things that came easy to her. Math confounds her. I have to remind her daily of the names of new friends. Several times a day she’ll ask what the plan for the day is. Fortunately I work from home a great deal now. Recipes she’s made all her life she now has to follow the recipe closely.

She has a good attitude about it so far. She accepts what is happening and makes jokes about it. Some days I just have to hold her when she gets down or feels out of focus as she puts it. My hope and prayer is that I will handle it with grace and compassion as it progresses for her.


May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face;

the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,

may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090151 07/28/20
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Leanwolf

- Thank you for the Video. It helped determine what stage my wife was in. Sadly she is in the the final stages and I apparently don't have much time left, where she will recognize me as someone she trusts. I take her out to lunch or dinner as often as I can, but at this point she doesn't know who I am despite the fact that we have been married for over 50 years.

A nightly ritual is to ask her questions about her life. She is surprised to know we are married, because she can't remember my name, or her brother's name.

I will enjoy the last days as much as I can because she was the best wife I could ever expect and I love her dearly.

Thank you again for the video and especially for caring enough to post it.

God bless you.


Patrick

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die,
I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers

And on the 8th day, God created the Border Collie.
Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090183 07/28/20
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Originally Posted by m_stevenson
Never thought I would hear Mom call me a dirty rotten muutherfuuker, but there it was.
We have thrown them in jail, and we are looking to steal their money or just getting rid of them because they are old and a burden.
This paranoia has led to her not taking her meds because we talked the docs into giving them meds that make them compliant. And that’s how we tricked them into signing the lease.....on and on and on.
The hardest part is not being able to get to them. This is due to Whitmer and her cabal threaten to yank the licenses of facilities and bar anyone who works there from ever working in care positions. Evil bitch


Mark, your mom didn't call you those names, the disease did. Dementia is a cruel bitch. Caring for your mom is hard enough without all the COVID bullshit. You're a good son and your mom has always known that. She just can't tell you anymore.

It'll be a year in August that we buried dad. Mom tried caring for him for 2 years at home. He said some pretty awful things to both of us, tried to leave in the middle of the night a number of times, ate weird stuff like dry oatmeal or gravy mix packets. The sheriff had to be called a couple of times. Every time he had an episode, mom would call me and I'd come over; no matter the hour. One time I had to disconnect the garage door opener so he wouldn't leave, the keys to the car were always hid. We put alarms on all exit doors. We put a black mat in front of his bedroom door so he would think it was a large hole and be afraid to cross it. I even had to take the firing pin out of the Sig that was at his bedside for so many years. His bathroom issues required mom doing laundry every day. We didn't get a lot of sleep those 2 years. It plumb wore mom out. Even with the help we brought in.

We finally found a place that would take him. After 3 weeks they called an ambulance to take him to ER because he was "combative". Said he pinned two of them against a wall during a bathroom visit. The guy was 86 and in a walker for [bleep] sake. They said they wouldn't take him back. Found out later he called them Nigerians or some such. So he sat in ER for 2 days waiting for a placement. When none was found, they sent him by ambo to a psych hospital 2 hours away in another state, supposedly for 2 days. It was 3 weeks. Sociopaths and psychopaths stole his clothes and belongings. He was pushed down. kicked, and punched there. He has some sort of K poisoning there too. I called no less than 70 places between my place and yours, all the way south to the state line. No joy. By happenstance and sheer desperation I went to a small local memory care house and they took him in with open arms. They treated him well. He lived there for 3 months before he passed. He said some pretty nice things to me in a moment of lucidity that I will never forget as long as I live. God bless those caregivers.

Mom and I talked about it. We're so grateful that he passed when he did. This COVID thing would have been sheer hell. She is still in their 2500sq ft house. She's 86 too now and kind of frail. She's scared to leave for an asst living place because people are dropping like flies there. 31 in one local facility. So I maintain 2 households. There ain't much free time. She's lonely and wore out. Dementia took two lives.

I told my wife that if there comes a time when I can't remember my kids names, the troopers can find me on the south bank of the North Branch, not far from the Holy Waters. There at my side will be an empty glass of a good bourbon, a half smoked maduro, and my favorite pistol.

Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090290 07/29/20
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My mom is 97 and is losing it a little bit. She's in surprisingly good shape physically, but has lost some mentally. We hired a caregiver to be with her 10 or 12 hours a day and make sure she takes her meds. She thinks she doesn't need the help. At times she's pretty lucid, but not at other times.

Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090380 07/29/20
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Here's some of the highlights of my in-laws dementia and our struggles. They decided one afternoon to go to a time-share presentation (years before they used to go to them just to get the free cheap stuff they give away but hadn't done that in awhile) and got lost. They lived in Central FL near Orlando and when they never returned home, a Silver Alert was issued. From cameras at the toll booths they were blowing thru, we learned they were driving in a loop from Miami to FL's west coast. They were missing for 2 days. We never did learn if/when/where they slept or ate. They were finally discovered at a gas station/convenience store. It was a fight to take away their car, it was a fight to take away his guns, and we had to go thru the lengthy legal process to have them declared incompetent. My FIL claimed we were all after his money when they found out they could no longer take money out of their accounts. He threatened to shoot his own son. They would not agree to go into an assisted living facility. Finally we had to trick them into leaving their house, telling them they were going on vacation to visit their son in SC and placed them in an assisted living facility with a memory care unit. We were called every name in the book and they said some very hurtful things to all of us. Then they entered into a phase where they became sweeter in their dispositions but would do things like brush their hair with their toothbrush, put lipstick in their hair etc. My MIL passed away from pneumonia due to aspiration of food. My FIL slowly declined to the point where he thought he was back in England in his Air Corps barrack and complaining about having to go on another bombing mission after he had already done his 35 missions. When we told him the war was over, he asked, "Who won?" Eventually he just stopped eating or drinking and got weaker until he passed away. He was lucid enough at one point to say that he was ready to go and was placed in hospice.

My wife called her folks every day and my brother in law visited them several times a week to make sure they were being well cared for. Here's what I know about assisted living or nursing homes: Your loved ones will get better care if you visit them and check on them often and speak up loudly when needed. The poor residents whose relatives rarely visited them were the ones most often neglected. There is probably no place more depressing than a memory care ward or nursing home, but ya gotta go visit them often.

Last edited by cooper57m; 07/29/20.
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Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090397 07/29/20
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Mark... I know exactly what you're going through; definitely a hand full, frustrating, and sad. My MIL has it and will be 104 in a couple weeks. She lived alone until about 4.5 yrs ago when she fell and broke her hip. She fell about 20' from her phone and managed to get to the phone somehow w/o getting up, pulled the phone off desk by using her good leg, called us (1 mile away) and said she fell and can't get up! Called ambulance, hospitalized, repaired, and admitted to care facility. This is when dementia started showing and has really worsened since. Upon her release (couple months), we started caring for her & had her in our home until last January when we had no choice but to admit her to local Assisted Living facility. At 80 & 82 respectively, we literally had no choice. To further complicate issues, she's nearly stone deaf & poor eyesight. She remained in the facility until June 15, when we pulled her out and back to her home with my youngest daughter (just retired & buying Granny's home) who insisted on taking care of her. She has her hands full, as she's now confined to wheelchair & requires constant care. I could add a ton more of incidents to this already long post, but really would serve no purpose, as anyone who has dealt with this ungodly disease fully understands the trials & tribulations. Hang in there Mark & praying for you and all the others that are coping with this miserable disease .


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Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090458 07/29/20
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I get called everything except a child of God. ( Jag will appreciate that! LOL).

But now she seems to be taking the passive aggression route. Can find little good in anything. She cannot converse on ANY subject without getting extremely emotional. Her new hoarding past time now is ordering T-shirts on Amazon Prime. Least she’s off ordering cheap chinee shoes and snake oil. She can remember how to do all that. But can’t get out of the chair to close the front door when it starts to rain.

This is the wife I speak of. I asked her social worker what we're the odds of her having vascular dementia. She said extremely HIGH with the stroke history. Lots of right Frontal lobe trauma.

She usually will ask me at least 4 or 5 times a day "why are you mad at me?" If I go outside to work or go to my shop for a while to putter around that means I’m mad at her.

Last edited by kaywoodie; 07/29/20.

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Re: Dementia [Re: kaywoodie] #15090693 07/29/20
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kaywoodie, Moby1, mart & all;
This is just to say that having gone through this wretched condition with both our Moms, I still cannot begin to envision what it would be like to trod this path with my own wife.

Honestly it breaks my heart reading your respective posts.

You all are in my prayers for strength, wisdom and patience.

Again, I can't imagine what you all are experiencing and am so sorry you've been given that pack to carry.

Dwayne


The most important stuff in life isn't "stuff"

Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090772 07/29/20
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I often worry that this horrible disease will get a foothold on me someday. I'm 61 and have a memory issue once in a great while and then that is when the concern flares up..

I'm dealing with this with my 84 year old mother now as it slowly gets worse. I'd not wish it on my worse enemy... Prayers for all you guys having to carry this burden.


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Capitol letters are the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" & "helping your uncle jack off a horse".
Re: Dementia [Re: 12344mag] #15090785 07/29/20
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Originally Posted by 12344mag
I'll hold her for you Bro.

Sorry about mom, can't be easy.


Good gesture, Paul.

👍🏻😎

m_s

Sorry you and your family are experiencing this...It’s horrible.


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Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15090824 07/29/20
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Thanks for the comments, prayers and good wishes.
The startling thing is when you find out just how many others have the same experiences.
It’s a terrible affliction, with no solution except to be a loving caring son.
To all the rest of you folks dealing with this as we are, you have our prayers for understanding and comfort.


Mark

NRA Life Member
Anytime anyone kicks cancers azz is a good day!

~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~

Oh The Drama!
Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15091061 07/29/20
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Mark!!
All of us here feel for you!! Hang in there buddy!
God bless you and your family!!

Denny


Well we're Green and we're Gold, and we play better when it's cold. All us Cheese heads have our favorite superstar. We love Brett Favre.
Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15091223 07/29/20
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I think I have it sometimes!!!

Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15091704 07/29/20
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For those here dealing with a loved one's dementia, here is a very good book for caring for a loved one, or dealing with that loved one who had to be placed in a memory care facility. The 36-Hour Day, by Nancy Mace, MA, and Peter V. Rabins, MD, MPH, © 1981, 1991, 2006, 2011, John Hopkins University Press.

In addition to the short videos of Dr. Natili Edmonds, link on bottom of page 4 of this thread, The 36-Hour Day is very, very helpful. Everyone here who is dealing/dealt with a loved one suffering dementia, knows just how very appropriate and accurate that title is. It's a 36-hour a day job.

I would feel as if I were in a nightmare from which I could not wake up. It was as if I were standing on the edge of a very dark, deep lake, watching my wife out in the cold water, drowning. No matter what I did, I could not rescue her and slowly, slowly, slowly watching her sink beneath the surface. I'm sure I am not the only one here who experienced that maddening feeling of utter helplessness.

Best wishes to all.

L.W.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." (William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830s.)
Re: Dementia [Re: m_stevenson] #15092792 07/29/20
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Mart, Sorry to hear all this.. My friend,s wife suffered from this.. Best wishes and best of luck!


Molon Labe
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