How long, how many ??

Air conditioned office, or puerto-crapper in the hot sun?


I think twice a day, 20 mins a pop err or drop is reasonable.

Not counting piss breaks

And never crap on lunch break

I don’t smoke, so I never felt the need for being in a rush.


Don’t sweat on their time-don’t shît on yours.

VarmintGuy is gonna come after you again.

😂

Hold into the HoneyPot

🦫

Oh, he crapped at Dunkin Donuts

VarmintLog.

peace out...whooop woop

I always cshit at work, save it all weekend until Monday.

Especially during the TP shortage, double whammy!

A movement is always best on company time. When I retire I'm going to have to have my septic tank pumped more often and on my dime.

We have some rough azz toilet paper at work so it’s an emergency situation or I wait for the home field advantage.

The bigger question is exactly how many squares of TP does is take to get to the center of a tootsie roll, uh, I mean to get rid of the tootsie roll residue?

Knew a gal years ago who got fired from KFC for stealing toilet paper to take home.

You gotta be in a pretty low place, to get caught with a roll of the Colonel's schittwipe stuffed in your purse.

Do you know the difference between work TP and sandpaper?


Sandpaper is smooth on one side....🤣

When in the field working no porto-crapper for me. Mesquite bushes were my go to.

Always carried my own. Our place had that narrow 2” wide stuff on those 3ft diameter rolls. You could still your fingerprints through it folded five times.


Like that jive they stuff in the Skechers at Shoe Carnival

I thought you were on the beach?

Must be a slow news day if this is the best we can come up with to talk about.

Youre correct.
I don’t even have a job.

When I billed trucks, we had a guy who would always yell at people to use that "itemizer" when they exited the can.
We had a superintendent who had a large brood at home. He would always take his morning constitutional in the small closet can in the teachers' lounge. There was a can of some kind of spray on a shelf in there that he would use in a liberal manner before exiting. There was no way whatever he left behind could have smelled as bad as that spray.

Whoever came up with that stuff should be parked next to Jimmy Hoffa.

Boss makes a dolla while I make a dime, that’s why I schit on company time.

Worked in the urban areas outside in the elements for decades. I absolutely abhor and despise public restrooms. Went to the central office most times.

The restroom in the shop was the worst. Some of my coworkers were just plain gross. Seriously, how hard is it to flush and not write on the walls?

Always best to watch out for the port-a-potty cleaning guy and try to be the first one in there after he is done when contemplating your mid morning hangover nap.

Portashitters are the worst!

Porto john get so full

Your butt cheeks be kissin the blue water.

I think this is a thread full of cshit😄

slumloud: Indeed your constant display of "low class" is becoming ridiculous, repetitive and unpleasantly raunchy.
You are worthless here and appear to relish swimming in your own bile and low class blather.
Puzzling that.
And sad.
Let off on the 6th grade lunacy and bathroom observations and try to add something of value here - for once!
Sheesh.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

This would be a dull and boring place without Slummy. You keep on being you!

Just what we need around here - a little class and culture.

To click or not to click, that is the question.

Never.

My water bill at the house went up 25% when I retired. Hadn't figured in the cost of dumping at work vs. home.

Gotta lay off the pintos and mustard greens.

Drives me nuts. Idiots roll in at 7 and go straight in the [bleep] for 10 minutes. Roll back 20 minutes late from lunch, straight into the [bleep].
Usually ends when the Hispanic Sheetrock crews hit the job and [bleep] all over the seat and floor.

You should see the porta [bleep] on the pad of a new location with nothing but roustabouts.

Hell, the illegals are bad enough in public restrooms with their used chit paper on the floor.

A guy I used to work with had chrons disease and would go 10-15x a day, made getting stuff done challenging at times and these were all the blue house visits in the blaring sun.

They ain’t chitting.

Fugging trying to keep up with what they old lady doing. Or who they doing.

Checking Snapchat or whatever.


Don’t they realize she can be getting railed and be Tik toking ‘em?

I hesitated to click on this thread and my fears were well founded...... I did enjoy VarmintGuys post though......

Now there is a new thread worth starting:

Why do foreigners crap all over the toilet instead of in it?

I dont poop at work.
Or in public restrooms.
People are too gross.

I prefer to crap in the woods.

What about when the code red sweats hit ya?

I’ll eat something greasy and bubble guts will hit me.

Be sweating. Walking on my tip toes. 5 steps. Deep breathing exercise.

Kinda committed to what’s close then.......

Places I worked you didn't want to spend any more than three minutes dumping, less into a hole.

Always boot prints up top next to the seat. They stand up there and squat over the hole and usually miss and crap on the seat.
Friend owns a porta John company, said when the go to trade shows “the scheitter show”. There’s actually models made for south of the border that have places for your feet up top....

Just for the office guys, anyone know what a “lily pad” is in a porta John? Hint, keeps you from getting a smurf blue ass.

Worked at a fab shop where a new hire wanted to make his name by having motion detectors installed in the bathrooms. After 10 minutes “boom boom out go the lights”. Savin’ the planet ya know.
Within 3 days, the motion detectors were found on the bathroom floors, looking like they had been on the receiving end of 1” diameter 1018 cold rolled bar. That was the end of that experiment. I guess they needed more than 10 minutes.

He don’t disappoint.

Sheesh.

Hold into the scolding!

Our schitter has three stalls. We like to play Battleschits in the morning and after lunch. For team building.

Oh My Goodness, I have about pissed myself laughing at these!

The Job took me to China and in Shanghai I got the chits. Public restroom on the waterfront, could smell it from a 100 yards. Needed some paper and it takes a coin and I had none. Somehow managed to change a bill to coins and got a packet of tissue. Go into a stall and the hole in the floor is fugged up , chit and piss everywhere and you squat with nothing to hold onto and its slick. Managed to take care of my business and opened the tissue while squatting and its the equivalent of about 5 squares of our tp. Went into a hotel and did a re wipe soon there after. The chithole in the forbidden city was even scarier . I imagine many westerners slip in those places ,poor old folks and the handicapped .

Ain’t goin there!!!

Well fellas when its touching cotton ya gotta do what ya gotta do ! , I have become some what of an expert of on the subject of getting some relief at other places than the public access crappers! I challenge folks to get creative with this . My personal best was a welders bucket left unattended! surprise surprise!

Not me. But i heard this story from several ppl that was there.

Guy i worked with offshore, was in Derrick tripping pipe.

Had the pain hit. Called down for someone to come up to relief him long enough to run to chitter.

No one would. So he chit down a stand of pipe.

When he latched that stand up and it picked up. Looked like Keebler elves had been there.. 😂😂. ‘Cept it weren’t brownies.

Went to a rifle range one afternoon and someone had sprayed diarrhea in the grass beside the benches and wiped with a sock.

Must have had ol Betsy lined up and shooting good.

Bathroom humor never fails! Thanks for the laughs guys, I needed it.

Was driving piles west side of Manhattan by the big post office,i was the monk on the pile driver and i got there every morning at 6:30 to climb the leads and check the dead end and grease the shivs,i d leave my hard hat on the operators seat do he d know i m up there.one morning i watched this wall street , 3 piece suit wearing yuppie and a street whore walk through the gate and go in our [bleep] house. Like 5 minutes later she comes flying out and totters off down the street in her heels,a minute later he comes out,all suited up,,i yelled down to him,"How was she?", he looks up,"She s a 10 !" and off he goes.Some dirty m f ers in the city.That blue box was nasty as hell.I still don t know how he had him,her,his brief case and room to "maneuver", at ten of seven in the morning.

Always go on the clock. No argument.

Boss makes a dollar and I make a dime, that’s why I schit on company time.

Was delivering UT season football tickets some years ago in a golf community in west Knoxville ( where the beans don’t burn). The gurgling guts hit with a vengeance and i had a jumper in the hatch with the a green go light. The country club wouldn’t let me use their facilities, since I wasn’t a member, so I had to shuffle back out into the UPS truck to schit into a plastic dr (driver release) bag. I had to use my UPS logo socks to wipe my ass with and as I drove off, I threw that filthy bag of schit with my calling card against their big gate at the entrance.

I almost felt sorry for the groundskeeper guy.....almost

Schit before work.

What a fugging bunch of old women and cripples.

Damm right - that's what coffee is for and why I make some first thing in the a.m.

Had a coworker walk out of the restroom.

"You ever feel sorry for the toilet"?

We keep a costco box of wet wipes in the bathroom at work. Call them “background checks”.

Big Jim, one day you'll get caught short and it will be epic.

Years of construction has taught me to avoid the blue room at all costs. Emergency only.

Nowadays, there's no place like home.

You know something that I have never said?

"Hey... I feel like Indian food for lunch!"


Or......



"Gee...this place is filthy....but I bet the food is good."

If it were that simple all the time.

Oh....I've had my share of close calls.


....but I dont tempt fate.

Always carry an etool and a roll of charmine xtra soft. No problem those two things cant handle

Right with the dude that invented short handled shovels.

Where the little streams of alcohol come a trickling down the rocks....

You and your bandmates sing that one?

No.

I dont think they are in to that kind of stuff.

But you are?????????????????

Leaving a big steamer humping up out of the water like the Loch Ness Monster is a point of pride with some guys and they just want to share.

Hold.

4 page thread about crapping at work with 0 pix....

Theres hope for the fire after all......

The thing I like about going at work is that somebody else deals with the aftermath.

I'm a big guy. Everything about me is big, and often times it can be too big for the facility provided. At home, it's going to be my job. That's okay. I spent my youth with plunger in my hand, working for Dad at the apartments. I raised 3 large sons with similar proclivities, so I've done my time. I did what had to be done. For my 13th birthday, Dad bought me my own plunger.

At work? I stay out of the hourly restrooms. They're full of 3rd worlders that don't know about modern hygiene anyway. I go straight to the executive washroom on the next floor up. If I lay something outsized in the porcelain? I write a work order.

I dont do chit breaks. As breaks.
Dint need to at my job. Nobody messes with us.
Get the work done, everything's good.

But...came up farming, logging, construction.
The first two, the world is your toilet. Not hard to
find a place. Lots of schitz in the gutter in the barn.

Then, went to long haul trucking.
Schitter hell!
Try running round the clock, living on naps, coffee, and truck stop/gas station
grub. Getting the screamers is common. Having a sitter nearby isnt.
Ingenuity kicks in. If you can pull over in a right hand turn, you turn hard right
just be for you stop. Creates a link in the truck you can hide in. Just squat
beside the drives drop your guts.
Or, hop up between truck and trailer.
Perch in the frame like a bird and drop it.
Hopefully, you miss the drive shaft.
Mechanics dont like a chitty shaft.
Or, the splatter when it flings off.

Current job is nirvana.
2 hopper men's room about 60 feet from my machine.
Usually has vacancies. Kept stocked and clean. Usually.
Since we have no female workers, the woman's is a good backup.

Butt!
The janitorial service recently hired an autistic kid.
It's become....interesting.
He doesn't understand the difference between the act of cleaning,
And the idea of cleaning.

He does exactly what he was taught.
The procedure, not the result.
The floor gets mopped daily.
If there is mud?
He mops just like the floor was clean to start.

The hopper holes?
He cleans daily.
Scrubs the same spot, same brush strokes.
Everyday. Spotless.
Where he scrubs!
The bowls are starting to look a deer with piebald tiger stripes!

Must be a government thing with him.
We used to get a janitor 2 days a week.
With him, it's daily.
And, some lady comes in to watch him.
But, she just plays on the phone.
Would love to see the tital numbers on the cost of having
"Rainman" as a janitor.

Like hair washing ?

The fella that was our janitor has about 1100 acres. That’s where myself and renegade hunt arrowheads.

We had 3 janitors

Our guy
Another dude with a cleft lip and palate, we called him ‘Sharkey’

And another dude with a flipper for a left hand. He was Three-Finger Robbie. He was a also a DJ on the side. That flipper could spin the wheels of steel.

Years ago when full service gas stations still existed and people paid for schitt with cash instead of debit cards, there was a guy that worked a local gas station that had an extra thumb on his left hand. Dude was born that way, with an extra thumb. When you paid him and he was giving you change, he would pull a roll of ones out of his coveralls and lick that extra thumb of his before peeling ones off that roll with it.

Bet he was popular with The Shocker

I think his family tree was missing a limb or two.

Thalidomide baby

If you work as an amazon delivery driver, you get to poop in a grocery sack on your delivery truck. They had to send out a memo telling the drivers to stop leaving their sacks of poop on the trucks when they got off work.

When you gotta cshit, you gotta cshit

Used to work with a guy on the rig.

He had legitimate gut issues.

Had to have some intestines removed. Or knotted or stretched. I dunno.


Hol-ee fug. He could wreck a bathroom.

The whole Floor. Smell it in the bunk rooms.

It wasn’t human. He couldn’t help it, but holy cow it stunk.

Pisses me off when someone takes a dump, then sprays that godawful stuff in the purple can.

Makes it smell like someone took a schit on a lilac bush.

😂😂

I've had enough of this chit...... 9 pages & still going.

Worked at a corporate farm one summer , was warned don't take a dump in the machine shop!!made the mistake one day and had to go bad no chance to head across the yard to the warehouse, eased into the shop and settled in for the long haul, damn shop Forman caoes buy with a can of starting fluid sprays and drops a match, flash...boom

I worked in a cabinet shop one time

Anybody that took a dump was subject to harassment. Place was covered in sawdust, anyone in the crapper got “the hose”. LOL

120 psi air chuck blasted up under the gap in the door.

😂😂

Chitting into a hole in camp in Ras Laffan Qatar was quick...

Been there wiped with about three dollars of RMB fuss China

A tile shovel and a paper towel will work

Next time take a can of Crisco in there and smear some on top of the boot prints.

Next heathen that tries the squatty potty thing will learn right quick that we don't do that here in 'Murica.

try having one in the bomb bay doors in istanbul. ho lee f-uck the turks are disgusting.

Had a big blowout in a gas station not long ago, barely got jeans, undies down. Cshit blew all over wall, flush valve. I felt bad for whoever had to clean that up. It was a cshitty situation.

I have names for various poops.

1: Phantom Poop: The kind that slides out of sight and there’s nothing on the paper when you wipe.

2: Muppet Poop: Looks like a turd, but is almost fuzzy looking.

3: Aloha Poop: A pile that comes out if the water like a new island.

4: Premies: Not quite fully formed.

5: Alligator Slide: Streaks down the drain like where a gator enters the water.

6: Sputtery Bop: Inspired by Poison’s song “Unskinny Bop”. It just blows me away....

Not work related, except climbing that mountain was a bit of work I'd say, but using ice blocks with an ice axe across them to rest the tushy and dropping one into a crevasse in the glacier was a real experience. Fortunately, that was a sunny day as I recall.

The stories you could tell...

🤔🦫

Dude, again not work related.

Out drinking with my running buddy from 4th grade and many years after. Got back to his place from the bars. I've got a big one working. Look over, there's 3 crappers lined up against the retaining wall, he and his little brother worked for a remodeling company and they had torn them out and were saving the porcelain thrones to sell at the swap meet. I say what the hell, then go over and pick a seat and leave a good one in there.

A couple of days later I see Mike, ask what's up? He says " You know them toilets, my brother took them to the swap meet down near the border and sold them to some dude to take to Tijuana. Dude looked in two, but not the one you crapped in. Took all three at a discount instead of the "each" price".

His brother was pissed for a minute when Mike asked "did you sell them toilets" and then told him what was in them. Then his brother cracked up, he'd just sold a crapper full of doo-doo!

Yeah, I have a story or two.

just read this whole thread while on the throne in my 68 degree bathroom, developed a good case of the crap house polio done sat here so long legs quit working right

HA!

Yeah, that'll do it alright.

Best take an Evelyn Woodhead speed reading class ScrapIron.