Not me but I had a friend jumped a girls bike over a sheet of plywood propped up on a 55 gallon barrel. The jump was spectacular. When he landed his feet slipped off the petals and he crushed his nuts on the bar. I doubt he ever had children.
Many years ago was working for my best bud at that time in his drywall finishing co.
He’s 5’ 9” or so.
High ceiling foyer w a staircase to the left. Two pieces of drywall to cover the lid on the sloped foyer. Roughly 25-30 ft at the peak. Maybe 16-18 ‘ or so at the seam. Too cheap to rent scaffolding so he props up a ladder against the far wall & spans the opening by placing a 2x10 from the stairs to the ladder
Still can’t reach the seam.
So he takes a milk crate turns it upside down where each edge is over the 2x10
Proceeds to put on stilts, walks out on the plank & steps up on the milk crate, so he can float the seam w a 12” knife.
Strangely enough he’s still alive to this day. 🤷🏻♂️
We pulled some other crazy stunts together, but you couldn’t have got me to walk that plank on stilts for love nor money. I can still recall the spring in that 2x10 as he walked out on it. Sheesh
Best improvised moment with a ladder, for me, was having a 25’ft peak on a home that had a small covered entry way below the peak that came out to far.
It prevented a ladder from being positioned correctly to paint out the soffit, house, and trim boards up top.
Screw hauling in scaffolding or a lift. I just backed my painting van up next to the entryway, put my 28’ft ladder on the vans roof and secured the ladder legs with straps.
Worked great...OSHA would have wrote me some tasty fines, if they saw it.
Did a 3 month landscaping job back in the 90's on the edge of a cliff along the Deschutes river in Bend. Had to run machinery right to the edge. Guys walking all over the place. Barriers? We don't need no stinking barriers. I don't know what would have been required to meet OSHA standards, I didn't ask, and nobody threw themselves over.
when i was a wee lad my friends and i witnessed my dad and the camp neighbor cut down a big pine tree. they both had a reputation for imbibing so i am sure there was some of that. the tree turned out to be hollow, pivoted and went in the door of his buddies camper perfectly and crushed it. i still hang out with one of the kids and we talk about that every time somebody fires up a chainsaw.
You'd think as wasteful as the government is in spending they could afford to buy some mother fuggking toilet paper that works. Not even close, and it appears to be getting worse. The paper I used this morning had the efficacy of wax paper coupled with the comfort of 220 grit sandpaper. You could sand the chrome of of a Harley with this schidt. As I started my fore to aft swipe, the grit gained traction and my fingers went sliding off, digging into my anus in the process. Thankfully I cut my fingernails last night and don't have to dig butt pudding out from underneath them. So at this point the forest product (you can actually see wood chips in the paper) I am provided to clean my ass with is just hanging from my goddamm crack. I pondered the best way to remove it. I got another piece off the roll to wrap around my fingers. As I did the holder broke, and with a decided thwack the roll hit the floor and scurried away just beyond arms reach and came to a stop in a puddle of what I hope was water near the base of the sink. I half stood and leaned over toward it. At this point the clump of paper lost purchase on my crack and fell dirty side down into my underwear. REALLY, can this get any fuggking worse?
Why yes it can. I sat back down and collected myself for a few seconds. I picked up the piece of paper that had fallen into my underwear. As I began swinging it into the toilet it unfurled and pendelum-like swung a chunk of doo onto my thigh. Exasperated at this point, I just threw it on the floor. Using the half saturated, half fiberglass textured paper, I managed to clean my thigh and underwear reasonably well before I settled back into the task of wiping my ass. You know, I just went into the bathroom to take a flipping schidt. I did not ask for and did not want drama. There was a sink right by the toilet, so I dampened the paper a little to take the edge off and smeared schidt all over my crack for a while until I felt like I had done as good a job as possible.
I stood up and turned around to flush. As if the pulled pork sandwich and onion rings I had last night weren't enough to choke a commercial grade toilet, there was now two hundred thirty six linear feet of 1X4 yellow pine in the bowl as well. The first stroke of the handle scarcely yielded a burble. After several rounds of plunger, flush, wait, I succeeded in sending the mess to its grave. I am a sanitary person, just short of being OCD about it. So I pressed on the liquid soap dispenser. NOTHING. I'm resourceful too. I figured there'd be some residual soap in the collapsible bag. NOPE, the bag had been removed. I decided copious amounts of hot water would suffice until I could make my way to another restroom. It took just shy of four minutes for the hot water to make it to my corner of the building and when it did it was McDonalds coffee hot. I almost didn't bother with looking in the paper towel dispenser. I just knew it would be empty. Then I thought there was no way my luck could be that damn bad, so I looked, and I was wrong. My luck is that damn bad.
I walked out of the restroom directly into the office looking like I'd been in a fight with Brock Lesnar. Of course everyone turned to look at me. Apparently some of my profane utterances and the noise had made its way into the office. Now I'm sitting here feeling like Ron Jeremy ass raped me with a cheese grater, and all I wanted to do was take a schidt and clean up like a normal person.
You'd think as wasteful as the government is in spending they could afford to buy some mother fuggking toilet paper that works. Not even close, and it appears to be getting worse. The paper I used this morning had the efficacy of wax paper coupled with the comfort of 220 grit sandpaper. You could sand the chrome of of a Harley with this schidt. As I started my fore to aft swipe, the grit gained traction and my fingers went sliding off, digging into my anus in the process. Thankfully I cut my fingernails last night and don't have to dig butt pudding out from underneath them. So at this point the forest product (you can actually see wood chips in the paper) I am provided to clean my ass with is just hanging from my goddamm crack. I pondered the best way to remove it. I got another piece off the roll to wrap around my fingers. As I did the holder broke, and with a decided thwack the roll hit the floor and scurried away just beyond arms reach and came to a stop in a puddle of what I hope was water near the base of the sink. I half stood and leaned over toward it. At this point the clump of paper lost purchase on my crack and fell dirty side down into my underwear. REALLY, can this get any fuggking worse?
Why yes it can. I sat back down and collected myself for a few seconds. I picked up the piece of paper that had fallen into my underwear. As I began swinging it into the toilet it unfurled and pendelum-like swung a chunk of doo onto my thigh. Exasperated at this point, I just threw it on the floor. Using the half saturated, half fiberglass textured paper, I managed to clean my thigh and underwear reasonably well before I settled back into the task of wiping my ass. You know, I just went into the bathroom to take a flipping schidt. I did not ask for and did not want drama. There was a sink right by the toilet, so I dampened the paper a little to take the edge off and smeared schidt all over my crack for a while until I felt like I had done as good a job as possible.
I stood up and turned around to flush. As if the pulled pork sandwich and onion rings I had last night weren't enough to choke a commercial grade toilet, there was now two hundred thirty six linear feet of 1X4 yellow pine in the bowl as well. The first stroke of the handle scarcely yielded a burble. After several rounds of plunger, flush, wait, I succeeded in sending the mess to its grave. I am a sanitary person, just short of being OCD about it. So I pressed on the liquid soap dispenser. NOTHING. I'm resourceful too. I figured there'd be some residual soap in the collapsible bag. NOPE, the bag had been removed. I decided copious amounts of hot water would suffice until I could make my way to another restroom. It took just shy of four minutes for the hot water to make it to my corner of the building and when it did it was McDonalds coffee hot. I almost didn't bother with looking in the paper towel dispenser. I just knew it would be empty. Then I thought there was no way my luck could be that damn bad, so I looked, and I was wrong. My luck is that damn bad.
I walked out of the restroom directly into the office looking like I'd been in a fight with Brock Lesnar. Of course everyone turned to look at me. Apparently some of my profane utterances and the noise had made its way into the office. Now I'm sitting here feeling like Ron Jeremy ass raped me with a cheese grater, and all I wanted to do was take a schidt and clean up like a normal person.
Best improvised moment with a ladder, for me, was having a 25’ft peak on a home that had a small covered entry way below the peak that came out to far.
It prevented a ladder from being positioned correctly to paint out the soffit, house, and trim boards up top.
Screw hauling in scaffolding or a lift. I just backed my painting van up next to the entryway, put my 28’ft ladder on the vans roof and secured the ladder legs with straps.
Worked great...OSHA would have wrote me some tasty fines, if they saw it.
🦫
Damn straight. I've had that same 32' ladder fully maxed with legs in my truckbed up against my cab. Very sturdy actually.....
Best improvised moment with a ladder, for me, was having a 25’ft peak on a home that had a small covered entry way below the peak that came out to far.
It prevented a ladder from being positioned correctly to paint out the soffit, house, and trim boards up top.
Screw hauling in scaffolding or a lift. I just backed my painting van up next to the entryway, put my 28’ft ladder on the vans roof and secured the ladder legs with straps.
Worked great...OSHA would have wrote me some tasty fines, if they saw it.
🦫
Damn straight. I've had that same 32' ladder fully maxed with legs in my truckbed up against my cab. Very sturdy actually.....
Ladders, the multi tool for early flight training....
Back when I was a wee lad, maybe 9 or 10, I had a cousin that was several years older. He had rigged what you might call a catapult with a plank over a couple of hay bales. He was trying to get my brother or I to stand on the end of the plank and he would jump onto the other end from the loft, launching one of us skyward.
Well, I had a bright idea (sort of hold my beer, if I’d had one). I thought I’d show him. I’d stand there on the plank until he jumped and then disembark and watch him thud as he landed the other end of the plank without resistance.
It all worked great until as I stepped off the plank as he jumped, the plank came up and whacked me under the chin. Things went kind of black just for a second. Then the pain began….
Best improvised moment with a ladder, for me, was having a 25’ft peak on a home that had a small covered entry way below the peak that came out to far.
It prevented a ladder from being positioned correctly to paint out the soffit, house, and trim boards up top.
Screw hauling in scaffolding or a lift. I just backed my painting van up next to the entryway, put my 28’ft ladder on the vans roof and secured the ladder legs with straps.
Worked great...OSHA would have wrote me some tasty fines, if they saw it.
🦫
Damn straight. I've had that same 32' ladder fully maxed with legs in my truckbed up against my cab. Very sturdy actually.....
You’re definitely a brother from another mother about ladders.
Sometimes, you just have to go with what will work. Might not look correct. But, sturdy is key, no matter what a dude has to do to get it that way.
"Then Ironbender throws in a career of selling refrigerators to Eskimos. (In jest,,,I think)"
I dunno if he did or not, but someone did. Freezers too, often times. They have largely gotten away from holes in the permafrost in the last few decades. Not entirely, but for the most part.
The whalers in Barrow, etc, still use holes in the ground to store whale meat and blubber, but even they are having thawing/flooding problems at times.
Pretty soon, they will be almost civilized.
When we were in Barrow mid-90's, a new Principal came into the elementary school during the summer, between school sessions. Black lady.
During the tour of her new domain, the staff didn't want to show her the big walk-in freezer.
They had a corpse stored in there, waiting burial.
How bout not having enough ladder but none to be put out....110 ft of 9mm static rope, gri-gri and two ascenders for last 6ft to get me out and over and onto the 12/12 pitch. One ounce weight on my catfish rig and 20lb spiderwire, zing the leader over the 3 three story houses, pull my ropes and tie off to the ball hitch. 😃
Used to do a lot of wind patching jobs on the high steep roofs.
Old foam couch cushions work for most steep work. Tools, tube of black mammy and a precut color match tabs in the backpack.
Bonny and clyde Petzel climbing harness.
$200 in 15 minutes
Do two or three of those before lunch
Head to the lake smoke dope and ride waverunner rest of the day 👍😂🤪
Look at number of people who lose their ladders leg base on those bifold “Giant” type ladders.
Werner makes them, Giant as well. It’s the only type of ladder I’ve had come out from under me. I was on a 32’ft Werner bifold that slid out on a dry wood deck...The fall from 18’ feet, broke my face and chipped a piece of a bone off a disc in my lower back.
The fall didn’t hurt the ladder, just me. I never climbed it again. Gave it to a pard, who wanted it.
🦫
PS
Figure there is something about the width of the legs base. It may be the culprit in sliding out. It’s wider than regular ladder legs.
Working at a steel manufacturing plant where they melt the scraps and pour it into a mold. They needed a new, much larger crane so they were installing this huge 250 ton overhead rail crane and I was elected to go up and start installing the 4" rigid conduit on the frame for the power feeds once the "H" frame was in place. Nothing else was there, just the frame, which was I beams about 4 foot tall and about 12" wide on top and the end frames with the roller assembly on, which was about 24" wide so you could work on it. The top of it was 80 feet off the ground and there was no barriers, safety ropes, etc.... did I mention I hate heights? So, they give me an 80 foot boom lift to get to the top of this unit, but an 80 foot lift really only goes up to about 75 feet, so I had to grab all my tools, go up in the lift all the way to the top until the bucket was leaning against the frame about 4 feet from the top of the rails, and then climb up on the bucket rails, reach up to the frame top and climb up.... once I got up there, the top of the rails was covered in metal slag from airborne metal particles from the melt process and it was like walking on tiny, microscopic marbles with nothing to hold onto if you fell. I somehow got to the end of the rails and looked at the job, went back and jumped back into the boom bucket and went down to look for the foreman. I told him he could fire me if he wanted but I'm never going up there again without all the proper safety equipment in place.... he was not very happy with me that day, but I could care less...
This is the same place we had to replace the thermocouples under the melt crucible after the melt had been shut off for 24 hours. It was still so hot our plastic hard hats melted down around our ears and the bill flopped down in front of our eyes after about 10 minutes- the maximum they would allow us to work under there at a time due to the heat. And this was while they were running a 3" fire hose in the bottom of the pit the whole time we were working down there and not a drop of water accumulated in that pit all day long... drank over a gallon of water that day and still didn't piss...
My grandfather was a heavy drinker. One winter we had a particularly heavy snowstorm that was causing roofs to cave in. So one Saturday after finishing off a pint of Jim Bean, it’s time to shovel off the roof. He gets out the rope and ties it to a tree in the back yard and successfully clears the front of the roof. He then starts on the back half and finishes the North half. For the south half he tied off the jeep. He’s shoveling away and grandma comes out and jumps in the jeep, fires it up and drives away. She pulls him up the back side of the roof, and down the front. Thankfully he lands in the snowbank on the way down. Grandma, you just had to know her, she was always in her own little world, keeps driving down the street, to the stop sign and then out onto the main road with grandpa screaming and hollering at her. She then pulls out and keeps on trucking with people honking and waving at her until she reaches the stoplight.
When I went to see grandpa at the hospital a couple days later he was still so pissed off he could hardly see straight. Luckily his heavy clothes and the snow saved him from being too seriously injured. Grandma, in her mid-60s then, pretty much quit driving after that.
Wiping chit off ur ass is the best you got? Even if <SMH>.
Originally Posted by PaulBarnard
This happened over a decade ago.
You'd think as wasteful as the government is in spending they could afford to buy some mother fuggking toilet paper that works. Not even close, and it appears to be getting worse. The paper I used this morning had the efficacy of wax paper coupled with the comfort of 220 grit sandpaper. You could sand the chrome of of a Harley with this schidt. As I started my fore to aft swipe, the grit gained traction and my fingers went sliding off, digging into my anus in the process. Thankfully I cut my fingernails last night and don't have to dig butt pudding out from underneath them. So at this point the forest product (you can actually see wood chips in the paper) I am provided to clean my ass with is just hanging from my goddamm crack. I pondered the best way to remove it. I got another piece off the roll to wrap around my fingers. As I did the holder broke, and with a decided thwack the roll hit the floor and scurried away just beyond arms reach and came to a stop in a puddle of what I hope was water near the base of the sink. I half stood and leaned over toward it. At this point the clump of paper lost purchase on my crack and fell dirty side down into my underwear. REALLY, can this get any fuggking worse?
Why yes it can. I sat back down and collected myself for a few seconds. I picked up the piece of paper that had fallen into my underwear. As I began swinging it into the toilet it unfurled and pendelum-like swung a chunk of doo onto my thigh. Exasperated at this point, I just threw it on the floor. Using the half saturated, half fiberglass textured paper, I managed to clean my thigh and underwear reasonably well before I settled back into the task of wiping my ass. You know, I just went into the bathroom to take a flipping schidt. I did not ask for and did not want drama. There was a sink right by the toilet, so I dampened the paper a little to take the edge off and smeared schidt all over my crack for a while until I felt like I had done as good a job as possible.
I stood up and turned around to flush. As if the pulled pork sandwich and onion rings I had last night weren't enough to choke a commercial grade toilet, there was now two hundred thirty six linear feet of 1X4 yellow pine in the bowl as well. The first stroke of the handle scarcely yielded a burble. After several rounds of plunger, flush, wait, I succeeded in sending the mess to its grave. I am a sanitary person, just short of being OCD about it. So I pressed on the liquid soap dispenser. NOTHING. I'm resourceful too. I figured there'd be some residual soap in the collapsible bag. NOPE, the bag had been removed. I decided copious amounts of hot water would suffice until I could make my way to another restroom. It took just shy of four minutes for the hot water to make it to my corner of the building and when it did it was McDonalds coffee hot. I almost didn't bother with looking in the paper towel dispenser. I just knew it would be empty. Then I thought there was no way my luck could be that damn bad, so I looked, and I was wrong. My luck is that damn bad.
I walked out of the restroom directly into the office looking like I'd been in a fight with Brock Lesnar. Of course everyone turned to look at me. Apparently some of my profane utterances and the noise had made its way into the office. Now I'm sitting here feeling like Ron Jeremy ass raped me with a cheese grater, and all I wanted to do was take a schidt and clean up like a normal person.
My grandfather was a heavy drinker. One winter we had a particularly heavy snowstorm that was causing roofs to cave in. So one Saturday after finishing off a pint of Jim Bean, it’s time to shovel off the roof. He gets out the rope and ties it to a tree in the back yard and successfully clears the front of the roof. He then starts on the back half and finishes the North half. For the south half he tied off the jeep. He’s shoveling away and grandma comes out and jumps in the jeep, fires it up and drives away. She pulls him up the back side of the roof, and down the front. Thankfully he lands in the snowbank on the way down. Grandma, you just had to know her, she was always in her own little world, keeps driving down the street, to the stop sign and then out onto the main road with grandpa screaming and hollering at her. She then pulls out and keeps on trucking with people honking and waving at her until she reaches the stoplight.
When I went to see grandpa at the hospital a couple days later he was still so pissed off he could hardly see straight. Luckily his heavy clothes and the snow saved him from being too seriously injured. Grandma, in her mid-60s then, pretty much quit driving after that.
Hilarious....Sounds like Grandma was gonna detox ol gramps, for good !
Got a few wrecked some stuff in construction causing lots of $$$ n damage but I like this one best.
Testifying in court against scum bag I arrested for felony embezzlement six figure case.
Had to wait several hours for procedural court BS in the court coffee shop. Needless to say after many cups of coffee needed to take a whiz.
As I'm drowning the piss biscuit I get the call to head to court. Put rufus back in the dog house but forgot to close the door.
No big deal walking around. Unfortunately sitting this courtroom witness stand had a low wall infront so everything visible from knees up.
Yup you guessed it sat down dockers opened up and red plaid boxers on full display to court unknown to me. Until the Lady DDA jumped up walked briskly to chair to quietly inform me. I immediately standup walk to interview room stage Left with her in tow so as to provide cover of consultation.
Clear the door and go to zip in one motion. Wrong move should have waited till I stopped walking, Hairy ball sack jumped the curb and fold of skin got caught in midzip. Eyes teared up and I gaze up just as shes gazing down to see the semi castration taking place. Oh yeah big gasp from her with beet red face apologizing for looking. I clear the breach without a word and head to bathroom to wrap the boys in a few layers of wood pulp to stop the bleeding.
15 minute recess, then back on stand. Poor Lady DDA could hardly look at me while going through my testimony.
And yeah the story made the rounds in the Courthouse as I heard later from a cousin who was a DA Investigator at the time.
Howls of laughter mostly from women when I told the tale after many drinks at parties decades ago.
6th grade there was a kid in our class named Matthew, not Matt, only Matthew. While most of us were into playing sports, hunting and fishing, Matthew loved Star Trek. He would make phaser-taser guns and radios like the tv show out of card board at home, then bring them to school to play Capt. Kirk with his friends after lunch on the playground.
On a warm spring day, some of us jockish kids were playing football on the top field. Below us, on the lower field, Matthew sat by himself on the top metal tube railing that ran along a section of the school.
Todd, a school friend, bet me a buck I couldn’t hit Matthew with the football from the top field...Pfft. Hold my school milk, Bish!
I launched a perfect spiral across our field and down into the playground hitting Matthew square in his left eye. It knocked him backwards off the top railing, spun him into the second lower railing hitting the back of his head or back on it- couldn’t tell for sure, too far away. Then he face plants on the grass, where he laid motionless for several seconds.
I thought I’d killed Matthew. He finally sit’s up, letting out the loudest, screaming howl noise that a couple of the teachers easily heard and rushed over to him.
I’m thinking “Oh, Shît” I’m gonna be in so much trouble....Fortunately for me, Matthew, didn’t know what had happened. The teachers didn’t notice the autographed by Joe Namath football laying in the grass. Teachers assumed Matthew just lost his balance and fell off the railing.
I never did collect my dollar from Todd.
🦫
PS
Matt, I’m sorry I smashed your face with a football. My bad !
6th grade there was a kid in our class named Matthew, not Matt, only Matthew. While most of us were into playing sports, hunting and fishing, Matthew loved Star Trek. He would make phaser-taser guns and radios like the tv show out of card board at home, then bring them to school to play Capt. Kirk with his friends after lunch on the playground.
On a warm spring day, some of us jockish kids were playing football on the top field. Below us, on the lower field, Matthew sat by himself on the top metal tube railing that ran along a section of the school.
Todd, a school friend, bet me a buck I couldn’t hit Matthew with the football from the top field...Pfft. Hold my school milk, Bish!
I launched a perfect spiral across our field and down into the playground hitting Matthew square in his left eye. It knocked him backwards off the top railing, spun him into the second lower railing hitting the back of his head or back on it- couldn’t tell for sure, too far away. Then he face plants on the grass, where he laid motionless for several seconds.
I thought I’d killed Matthew. He finally sit’s up, letting out the loudest, screaming howl noise that a couple of the teachers easily heard and rushed over to him.
I’m thinking “Oh, Shît” I’m gonna be in so much trouble....Fortunately for me, Matthew, didn’t know what had happened. The teachers didn’t notice the autographed by Joe Namath football laying in the grass. Teachers assumed Matthew just lost his balance and fell off the railing.
I never did collect my dollar from Todd.
🦫
PS
Matt, I’m sorry I smashed your face with a football. My bad !
When I was about 6 years old, all the roads in the trailer park were paved with broken up sea shells.
There was dweeb kid kept coming around with his loudmouth big sister trying to steal one of our bluetick pups. I picked up a snail shell and winged it all the way across the yard and drilled that boy in the side of the neck. Seen blood instantly and he started squallin and hollerin and his sister both ran off.
I never heard nothing of it and they didn’t come back. Always thought I killed that kid. LOL
Slumlord got me wondering with a post he did about selling a door knock, roofing job for $10,000 in 45 minutes.
I had to “one up” the little pavement closer with a $15,000 painting job I sold to a blind couple with seeing eye dogs.
Then Ironbender throws in a career of selling refrigerators to Eskimos. (In jest,,,I think)
What are your greatest “Hold My Beer” moments ? Either a success, or spectacular failure, it doesn’t matter.
🦫
Rolling arty barrage going into Ah Najaf . Approach march company wedge by platoon formation behind arty 6 to 800 yds.
Bradley's punch holes in fortified school house walls. We get a building . 10 mins later taking mortar rds . 3 sets of 4 Not very effectively... Impacting same place every time 🥴🥴😆😆😄🥴🥴 Little 16 17 yr old teenage fedeyeen wanna be dickhead with phone popping up and down on a roof about 150 m out between sets.
Obviously spotting fire for the azzhole mortar crew somewhere... And doing a poor job of it...
Evans and Pearce my 240 crew with me wanted to gak the fugger.
Told em both chill the fugg out ... I got his stupid azz next time he pops up with my M4.
Bang ..... Dead dickhead with a phone shot thru the throat.
6th grade there was a kid in our class named Matthew, not Matt, only Matthew. While most of us were into playing sports, hunting and fishing, Matthew loved Star Trek. He would make phaser-taser guns and radios like the tv show out of card board at home, then bring them to school to play Capt. Kirk with his friends after lunch on the playground.
On a warm spring day, some of us jockish kids were playing football on the top field. Below us, on the lower field, Matthew sat by himself on the top metal tube railing that ran along a section of the school.
Todd, a school friend, bet me a buck I couldn’t hit Matthew with the football from the top field...Pfft. Hold my school milk, Bish!
I launched a perfect spiral across our field and down into the playground hitting Matthew square in his left eye. It knocked him backwards off the top railing, spun him into the second lower railing hitting the back of his head or back on it- couldn’t tell for sure, too far away. Then he face plants on the grass, where he laid motionless for several seconds.
I thought I’d killed Matthew. He finally sit’s up, letting out the loudest, screaming howl noise that a couple of the teachers easily heard and rushed over to him.
I’m thinking “Oh, Shît” I’m gonna be in so much trouble....Fortunately for me, Matthew, didn’t know what had happened. The teachers didn’t notice the autographed by Joe Namath football laying in the grass. Teachers assumed Matthew just lost his balance and fell off the railing.
I never did collect my dollar from Todd.
🦫
PS
Matt, I’m sorry I smashed your face with a football. My bad !
Slumlord got me wondering with a post he did about selling a door knock, roofing job for $10,000 in 45 minutes.
I had to “one up” the little pavement closer with a $15,000 painting job I sold to a blind couple with seeing eye dogs.
Then Ironbender throws in a career of selling refrigerators to Eskimos. (In jest,,,I think)
What are your greatest “Hold My Beer” moments ? Either a success, or spectacular failure, it doesn’t matter.
🦫
Rolling arty barrage going into Ah Najaf . Approach march company wedge by platoon formation behind arty 6 to 800 yds.
Bradley's punch holes in fortified school house walls. We get a building . 10 mins later taking mortar rds . 3 sets of 4 Not very effectively... Impacting same place every time 🥴🥴😆😆😄🥴🥴 Little 16 17 yr old teenage fedeyeen wanna be dickhead with phone popping up and down on a roof about 150 m out between sets.
Obviously spotting fire for the azzhole mortar crew somewhere... And doing a poor job of it...
Evans and Pearce my 240 crew with me wanted to gak the fugger.
Told em both chill the fugg out ... I got his stupid azz next time he pops up with my M4.
Bang ..... Dead dickhead with a phone shot thru the throat.
That was my best " Hold my beer " moment...
Legit “Hold My Beer” moment.
Performing a tracheotomy on a Dune Coon with an M4...Impressive.
Went to pick up a buddy one morning to go do some groundhog hunting . I’m a prompt person , if we set a time , I will be there . I get there and not a mouse stirring . Knocked on door a couple times , tossed gravels at his upstairs room window . So I walk over to my truck debating if I’m going to leave . Holy [bleep]! About a 200 yds across a field is a groundhog at the bottom of a railroad track berm . At this time in life a 7x57 Spanish Mauser with open sights was all I had . So I lay across my truck hood and squeeze on him , smiling , this will wake the fugger up . Dam it ! Shot over him , could see the hit in the berm . He’s running parallel with the track , pop off another one . All at once I here a window slam open , “what the hell you doing?” Turn with a mischevious grin , shooting at a groundhog . He is having a no humor look on his face and says , “my fugging landlord is down there on the other side of the tracks running to his van !” I couldn’t stop grinning and said an insencere, “sorry” He came bounding out the door and jumped in hollering let’s go ! Away we went , him raising hell , me cracking up . We got a half dozen groundhogs and downed a few beers . Brought him home and a couple weeks went by and I stopped in and asked how it went . He giggled and said landlord came for rent , tooted horn and never got out of the van , took the money and not a word 😂 Kenneth
Slumlord got me wondering with a post he did about selling a door knock, roofing job for $10,000 in 45 minutes.
I had to “one up” the little pavement closer with a $15,000 painting job I sold to a blind couple with seeing eye dogs.
Then Ironbender throws in a career of selling refrigerators to Eskimos. (In jest,,,I think)
What are your greatest “Hold My Beer” moments ? Either a success, or spectacular failure, it doesn’t matter.
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Rolling arty barrage going into Ah Najaf . Approach march company wedge by platoon formation behind arty 6 to 800 yds.
Bradley's punch holes in fortified school house walls. We get a building . 10 mins later taking mortar rds . 3 sets of 4 Not very effectively... Impacting same place every time 🥴🥴😆😆😄🥴🥴 Little 16 17 yr old teenage fedeyeen wanna be dickhead with phone popping up and down on a roof about 150 m out between sets.
Obviously spotting fire for the azzhole mortar crew somewhere... And doing a poor job of it...
Evans and Pearce my 240 crew with me wanted to gak the fugger.
Told em both chill the fugg out ... I got his stupid azz next time he pops up with my M4.
Bang ..... Dead dickhead with a phone shot thru the throat.
That was my best " Hold my beer " moment...
Legit “Hold My Beer” moment.
Performing a tracheotomy on a Dune Coon with an M4...Impressive.
Best improvised moment with a ladder, for me, was having a 25’ft peak on a home that had a small covered entry way below the peak that came out to far.
It prevented a ladder from being positioned correctly to paint out the soffit, house, and trim boards up top.
Screw hauling in scaffolding or a lift. I just backed my painting van up next to the entryway, put my 28’ft ladder on the vans roof and secured the ladder legs with straps.
Worked great...OSHA would have wrote me some tasty fines, if they saw it.
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Damn straight. I've had that same 32' ladder fully maxed with legs in my truckbed up against my cab. Very sturdy actually.....
I'll see if I can dig up a cool picture from a few years ago.......
Anybody got a better Redneck house repair story than Slum’s ?.....Anybody?....Bueller?
LOL
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Buddy of mines kid in his early 20’s working as a roofer. Steep roof he was on so he tied a rope to his car or truck on the opposite side he was working on. Good thinking. Left keys in vehicle. Bad thinking.
Coworker hopped in his vehicle to go to town. Pulled the kid up over & off the roof. Messed the kid up bad. His dad spent a year or so getting him nursed back to some form of independence.
not me but a guy i know (really) that was helping his BIL shuffle stuff around between some buildings on his farm. this guy is a good dude but not too bright. they were moving a fridge and for whatever reason decided he needed to stand in the bed of the truck and hold the fridge upright. his BIL drove under a low carport and peeled him out of the back of the truck. fugged him up good. broken back, etc. he ended up suing the schit out of BIL. probably made for some uncomfortable holiday get-togethers after that.
Remember the titanium bats from the 90’s that were the hot ticket for men’s league softball for about 10 minutes before they banned them? Something about the ball coming off the bat so hard it was like a grapefruit shot out of a cannon that might hurt someone if they were in the way.
My old man played men’s league when I was a sprout and they pooled their money and bought one of those bats. It was pretty badass I guess but made a distinctive sound when you got ahold of one. Nothing a hole drilled in the knob and a shot of spray foam wouldn’t cure.
Me and my baby Sis were playing ball in the yard and I wanted to hit. I’d been pitching to her all afternoon. So I get “The” bat out of dad’s bag because I’m going to bomb one out into the neighbor’s yard. But she can’t get it over the plate, “move up so you can get it here in the air” and she scootches up a little. Still in the dirt, “ scoot closer so you can get it over the plate”, and so on for about 4 pitches until she’s about 20’ away. Sure enough she lobs one in and I get all of it, line drive like a frozen rope, right into her right eye socket. I swear her feet came off the ground and her head hit the deck before the rest of her. Knocked her cold.
I ran in hollering, certain I’d killed her. Told dad, “come out Sis got hit”, he says “by a car?” I explain as we head for the yard. She was coming around as we got out there, covered in blood and already starting to swell up. They hauled her to the hospital, chewed my ass until we got to my grandparents’ place where I was kicked out at the curb with a rain check for an ass whoopin.
Miraculously she didn’t have a completely crushed face or any eye damage but she looked like Quasimodo for a couple weeks.
Anybody got a better Redneck house repair story than Slum’s ?.....Anybody?....Bueller?
LOL
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Buddy of mines kid in his early 20’s working as a roofer. Steep roof he was on so he tied a rope to his car or truck on the opposite side he was working on. Good thinking. Left keys in vehicle. Bad thinking.
Coworker hopped in his vehicle to go to town. Pulled the kid up over & off the roof. Messed the kid up bad. His dad spent a year or so getting him nursed back to some form of independence.
Getting turned into a kite off a house, is a fairly common in the world of diy and chuck with a truck construction companies.
Kid, I played competitive fast pitch softball for several years...When titanium bats hit the market, some jumped at the chance to own their very own rocket launcher.
I played first base. Didn’t take but a couple of games to realize how dangerous those bats were going to be.
Playing in tight in a bunting situations, then having a melon sized bullet ripped at you, made the game very sporty.
Demarini, made a cool bat. Home runs just jumped off those sticks.
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