Let's hear your best one.

Do you know what the daddy buffalo said to his son on the first day of school?


Bye son

How do you get a country girl to like you….

A tractor.



How can you tell the clock was still hungry?…

It went back 4 seconds.

She said she left me because I didn't listen...or something like that.

Why don’t you play poker at the zoo?

There might be cheat-ahs!

How come chicken coops don’t have four doors?

Because they would then be chicken sedans.

Har, har. Stole it and sent it on. Thanks

Oh man 😊

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to REALLY WANT to change. .

My dad had a toilet seat sitting on some pipes that ran along the basement ceiling. Its sole purpose was to get people to ask him why it was there so he could tell them that he likes to keep some assets where he can get them quickly.

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism, it’s a light sentence 🤪

Want to hear a dirty joke?


A white horse fell in some mud..

Why did Popeye never have children?

Because Olive Oyl was extra virgin.

Know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children?

Because he only cums once a year... and it's down a chimney.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? You neek up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Yep! The tame way.. what did the poppa hat say to the child hat? You stay here Ill go on ahead...

What did the mayonnaise say in the fridge?


Shut the door..............I'm, dressing!

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "five beers, please"

What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?


The Jetsons, you racist.

I bought an expensive new belt but it's too small.

Huge waist.

Why doesn't the Dairy Queen have children?


She married Mr. Softie.

Two lawyers walking down a street saw a beautiful gal walking towards them.
Lawyer 1 says "Hey look at that beauty, whatya say we try to screw her?"
Lawyer 2 answers "OK outa what?"

Typical lawyers..

What's yellow and smells like bananas?

Monkey vomit

As you’re driving by a cemetery…,,,,
Do you know why there’s a fence around that cemetery? ‘Cause people are dying to get in!

Have to admit, I laughed every time. Not because it was funny, but at how hard my Dad laughed. Sure do miss him!

What is a wok ?
Something you throw at a wabbit.
Can you make a right here?
I don't know,can you make a shoe smell ?
How do you know which way your underwear goes on?
Yellow in the front,brown in the back.

My dad brought cookies he made to my best friend's birthday party.

My friend's mother asked my dad for the recipie...

Dad responded, "The trick is I Iput enough dough into my belly button
to measure out the perfect size for each cookie."

"That's disgusting!" said the mom.

Dad replied, "Oh, then you're not going to like the way I make doughnuts."

[quote=mauserand9mm]What's yellow and smells like bananas?

Monkey vomit
What’s invisible and smells like bananas
Monkey farts

Not a joke, but rather a statement. I've carried the legacy on, my son knows them well.

"You're about as funny as a fart in a space suit"

"You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine".

Misssd that old man.

How big is the suite? One room or two?

Okay, okay....suit. Got me.

You know how ducks fly in a vee formation and usually one side is longer than the other, do you know why that is?

There are more ducks on that side.

Kangaroo hops up to the bar and orders a scotch bartender says 5 bucks ...hey its not everyday we get a kangaroo in here ..kangaroo says it's no wonder at those prices.

Why did Melinda divorce Bill Gates ?

Micro soft !

Why can't witches get pregnant ?

Their husbands have hollow weenies !

When someone asks if I got a haircut I usually reply,
No I got them all cut.


Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

diarrhea is hereditary


it runs in your jeans

You know where I keep all my dad jokes?


In my dad-a-base

I get the same thing every time i go to McDonalds

Diarrhea

Haha some good laughs here

Crows are mighty intelligent son...

When they see a vehicle coming... they all yell...

Caw, Caw, Caw... and fly away...

-----------------------------------------

I can still hear my boys saying "DADDDD" to that one.

You're all messed up, your nose runs and your feet smell.... it should be the other way around!

Where do the Russians keep their Armies?
In their sleevies...

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?


Eileen


What do you call an Oriental woman with one leg shorter than the other?



Irene

why does dr pepper come in a bottle?

cause his wife died

Where do you find a one legged waitress?
IHOP!

.
Does your skin ever crawl? If so, what does your ass smell like when it crawls past your nose?

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

A skeleton walks into a bar, says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a mop!"

Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". Invisible Man replies " I don't know, but all of the sudden my ass hurts".

As useful as a pay toilet in a diarrhea ward.

Why did the queen divorce the king?


She thought a ruler had 12 inches.

He was overheard telling her
"It may not be 12 inches but it smells like a foot "

LOL !

Why do hillbillies like Thanksgiving so much ?

The love to pump kin pie !

I remember in 1972 my dad bought a new Chevy pickup and I asked to take it out on a date. As I was walking out the door he yells "Dont leave any pecker tracks on my seats"

My Jr high band teacher told me this when I was 14.

What's the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of pygmies?

One is a bunch of cunning runts.

Bb

What do you call an Indian with one leg shorter than the other
Not Even

If obama had only one leg what would you call him ?

Shi tt on a stick !

..

If he froze to death ?

Turdcicle !

What do you call a Mexican woman with both legs cut off at the knee?



Contswaylow

What do Democrats call a black burglar ?

Jogger !

🏆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏆

Why do little girls carry minnows in their pockets?


So they can smell like the big girls😁

Knock-Knock

Who's there?

Your mom.



LOL

I once had a horse that could talk. If you asked her if she wanted some oats, she would lift up her tail and say.."A FEW"

Did you hear about the girl that lived down by the stable and all the "horsemen knew her" ? (say the last phrase fast)

That's not a dad joke.