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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 5,748 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 5,748 Likes: 1 |
You're all messed up, your nose runs and your feet smell.... it should be the other way around!
Where do the Russians keep their Armies?
In their sleevies...
"Camping places fix themselves in your mind as if you had spent long periods of your life in them.
You will remember a curve of your wagon track in the grass of the plain like the features of a friend."
Isak Dinesen
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 871
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 871 |
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call an Oriental woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene
We all know advertising works, we just don’t think it works on US!
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,408
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,408 |
why does dr pepper come in a bottle?
cause his wife died
My diploma is a DD214
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 16,140 Likes: 2
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 16,140 Likes: 2 |
Where do you find a one legged waitress?
IHOP!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,930 Likes: 11
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,930 Likes: 11 |
You're all messed up, your nose runs and your feet smell.... it should be the other way around!.. . Does your skin ever crawl? If so, what does your ass smell like when it crawls past your nose?
Not a real member - just an ordinary guy who appreciates being able to hang around and say something once in awhile.
Happily Trapped In the Past (Thanks, Joe)
Not only a less than minimally educated person, but stupid and out of touch as well.
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Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 17,138 Likes: 27
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 17,138 Likes: 27 |
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569 |
A skeleton walks into a bar, says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a mop!"
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569 |
Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky. Sensing the commotion, Wonder Woman cries out "What was that?". Invisible Man replies " I don't know, but all of the sudden my ass hurts".
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 6,178
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 6,178 |
Not a joke, but rather a statement. I've carried the legacy on, my son knows them well.
"You're about as funny as a fart in a space suit"
"You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine".
Misssd that old man. As useful as a pay toilet in a diarrhea ward.
Fight fire, save lives, laugh in the face of danger.
Stupid always finds a way.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,325 Likes: 31
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,325 Likes: 31 |
Why did the queen divorce the king?
She thought a ruler had 12 inches.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7 |
Why did the queen divorce the king?
She thought a ruler had 12 inches.
He was overheard telling her "It may not be 12 inches but it smells like a foot "
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants".
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,113 Likes: 8
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 42,113 Likes: 8 |
Why did the queen divorce the king?
She thought a ruler had 12 inches.
He was overheard telling her "It may not be 12 inches but it smells like a foot " LOL !
Paul.
"Kids who grow up hunting, fishing & trapping, do not mug little old Ladies"
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7 |
Why do hillbillies like Thanksgiving so much ?
The love to pump kin pie !
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants".
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Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,413 Likes: 1
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,413 Likes: 1 |
I remember in 1972 my dad bought a new Chevy pickup and I asked to take it out on a date. As I was walking out the door he yells "Dont leave any pecker tracks on my seats"
Life (and forums) is like a box of animal crackers----There's a Jackass in every box
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,052 Likes: 6
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,052 Likes: 6 |
My Jr high band teacher told me this when I was 14.
What's the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of pygmies?
One is a bunch of cunning runts.
Bb
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,957
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,957 |
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call an Oriental woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene What do you call an Indian with one leg shorter than the other Not Even
Only Dead Fish Go With The Flow
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7 |
If obama had only one leg what would you call him ?
Shi tt on a stick !
..
If he froze to death ?
Turdcicle !
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants".
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 8,053 Likes: 25
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 8,053 Likes: 25 |
Roy
What this world needs is a few more Rednecks.
The Dildō Of Consequence Rarely Arrives Lubed
Waterboarding isn't illegal if you use diesel
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Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 1,401
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 1,401 |
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
What do you call an Oriental woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene What do you call a Mexican woman with both legs cut off at the knee? Contswaylow
Last edited by 358WCF; 11/27/21.
Sacred cows make good burgers when you know what temperature to cook them at.-Rev. Billy
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,130 Likes: 7 |
What do Democrats call a black burglar ?
Jogger !
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants".
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461 members (160user, 17CalFan, 1badf350, 10ring1, 10gaugemag, 163bc, 42 invisible),
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