FB friend of a guy I've hunted tuna with posts a ridiculous 'training' video where he demonstrates the uber tactics of killing an opponent (training dummy) set up in his garage with a hatchet and double-edged dagger. Vid shows our hero tossing a right-handed hatchet haymaker at mannequin that hits in the neck area. Now it gets serious and our hero goes on to explain that the proper technique in such a situation is to then decisively yank the buried hatchet attached to the bad dummy into his chest so he can simultaneously thrust the 9" blade conveniently gripped in his left paw into the now-hatchet wearer's face. I honestly thought it was a joke/parody, so replied:


KG: 'The last time this dude was involved in an actual physical altercation other than with an inanimate dummy was when his sister made him eat a mud pie in the sandbox when he was around 4. He lost that battle, I bet.'

Tuna buddy JJay replies with: 'Haha actually, he’s one of the better and most active martial artists I know. He’s a full dog brother'.

KG" 'Your 'full dog brother--whatever the Christ that means-- carries a 9" shank and hatchet on errands for his mum in case of goblins? Just funnin' brother. No slight intended'. I of course intended every slight at this circus but was trying to be polite in deference my fishing pal.

Clowntastic Maximus/MBerry replies: 'First, I beat my sister's ass that day....' then posts, KG, 'we don't know each other and I'm feeling less.froggy than normal so I shall just say... I've had one or 2 physical confrontations since then...'

Photo spread inserted at this point of this kid in what ostensibly is an amateur MMA bout in where he appears to be getting the better of some mulatto weakling wielding some kind of 'Filipino fighting stick', which closely resembles a drumstick or similar.


Then,
MBerry 'Looking back on this hours later, I should have played along

KG 'MBerry Were any of those so-called physical confrontations with actual humans or of the malicious rubbery variety like the one in your 'training' video? BTW, that must be a pretty resilient opponent you're expecting to go to war with for you to feel it'd be necessary to have to stab rubber dude in the forehead after burying a fuggin' hatchet in his neck? Seems rather excessive, unless that is, of course, your hatchet is made of rubber. In which case it makes sense that you'd want to follow up with the whole stabbing thing...


MBerry 'Well, ya [bleep] [bleep], I'm feeling far frogger today. [bleep] you, [bleep] your mom and [bleep] your kids. All at the same time. Eat a massive satchel of [bleep] and feel free to insert some broken glass into your urethra. Fat old [bleep] typically just make me laugh, but you're welcome to sodomized yourself with whatever you find hanging around. John Jay, who is this [bleep] [bleep]?

KG: 'I knew it. That was too easy. Two posts and the killer loses it. Such a warrior's level of zen and self-control displayed. The Dalai Lama would most certainly approve. Keep up your 'training' and maybe some day you can graduate to advanced lessons showcasing your prowess (AKA known as compensatory fantastical delusions) on how best to attack mannequins in your garage with axes and bayonets. Hilarious, this is. You can't make this stuff up!


MBerry
'Uh... last post removed, due to whiskey....'

Then: MBerry Well, friend. If you'd heard the video beyond the humorous "Jay Portions," you'd have heard that in this particular instance we are hooking behind the OP's head and pulling in. The issue with axe combat (that most modern humans don't take into account) is that they get stuck. So slamming the haft into the neck and pulling forward disrupts the nervous system and then pulls the enemy with a spike in the back of their neck. This might not end the encounter, hence a stab to the face. Hopefully the eye, as that has been proven in most case studies to end the encounter, unless drugs are heavily in play.
I am a Full Dog Brother and I have somewhere near 150 full contact matches with sticks (Filipino Martial Arts) and 10 years exp of hard sparring with weapons, in general. Not to mention 3 years of BJJ and 5 of muay thai, now training under Malaipet. I mean, I MIGHT be a big pussy who is making this up, in which case, please challenge me to a fight!

Image may contain: 3 people, shoes

KG: 'Which one is you? I'm guessing you're the one with the frightening man bun. What do I win? lol I chose to turn my back on resolving conflicts with violence and trying to impress people with badassery decades ago. It's much more fun and satisfying simply knowing intimately what a man is capable of --and will do without hesitation--if forced in the event that say, some testosterone driven wannabe shythead obsessed with role-playing tests him. Cool hobby though, killer. Here's one of mine:

Pic of uzi, AK, M4, miscellaneous bolt guns, scatterguns, revolvers in pickup bed at range. <the bait has been laid>


MBerry: 'Bro, you look like you've got [bleep] diabeetus and a tiny dick. I'm not worried. The tiny dick is inferred by the need to show your guns n ammo... not the Asian thing. I'm not a racist.

KG: 'Diabeetus'? Tee hee! Oh Lord, not just a straight-up warrior/killer but a learned scholar to boot! You know it's getting serious when the penis insults start a-flyin'! Jay, if he really is your buddy I suggest you stop him before he really gets his Shaolin 'haight awn' and starts saying things that might make me break down and weep... Holy fark on second thought leave him be. I'm just about ready to get warmed up to start having some fun with him! Too funny!

Mr. Badarse, please take a moment to pause to regale everyone now with some further, gripping footage of you wielding a medieval mace, chainsaw and custom tactical harmonica with one side decked out with a honed edge for throat slittin', evisceratin' or toenail clippin' of your sworn enemies (you know, like the scary rubber one in the original display of abject silliness posted). I can't wait!

*********************************************************

I'm waiting for his response.

Hmmmmm- - - - - -I wonder if that guy ever gets to Tennessee? If he could arrange to spend a few minutes talking to my garden I'd save a bundle on fertilizer!
Jerry

https://www.facebook.com/100009538478726/videos/2575503472777577/

I've viewed this video like 5 times so far and with each subsequent viewing I bust into progressive levels of mirth. Truly, you can't make this shyt up...

Custom tactical harmonica. LOL.

Thank god for FB during the dark days of social distancing.

No worky here, L.

Sounds like a guy who collects Chinese and Pakistani tactical knives and swords. Tactical hatchet?? wtf

Ask him how many pull ups and push ups he can do in a minute and how much he can dead lift. Ask for video proof lol

clowns aren't worth your time

Did you get a load of the 'standing room only' crowd for the Battle Royale? I suspect the three homely Asian broads had high hopes of getting a half-set of commercial grade chopsticks after the 'beat-down'. Kind of like in the 80s where at the end of a rock n roll show the drummer would triumphantly toss his sticks into the crowd as adoring fans scrambled maniacally and brawled for the prize of a lifetime.*

Average price on Ebay currently $14.99, plus shipping.

K_G san,

Good to see you enjoying yourself on the farcebook. Of which I am not allowed to view the funny man as I don't have an account.

Your writing did a great job of describing the events of the day though, so no worries.

Is it honorable to bring an AK to a Filipino stick fight?

I think I'd worry about it after I was the surviving one.

Thanks for the humor tonight,

Geno

My God sir, have you no concept of pure, unadulterated hilarity?

Geno, sorry you cannot view the bout. I can offer you the chance at ownership of the tickle stick thing for tonight only for the low, LOW price of $9.99 (plus S & H).

But wait, THERE'S MORE!

I forgot to mention that in NONE, not even one, of the fights I was ever in were there helmets and gloves involved.

People's faces and heads hurt after the fight...........................even mine.

Geno

Officer, there I was, minding my own business when all of a sudden this maniac comes running up to me out of nowhere and out of the blue started head-butting my fists! It was a truly frightening situation!

I usually left quickly.

Before sirens were even heard.

That way no reason for there to be any "officer involved shootings".

The officers were likely happier too...............less paperwork and accounting for bullets and stuff.

Geno

what a weak clueless d bag

This clown doesn't have the right mindset and would crumble and suck his thumb when the first fist is thrown and his nose is broken and would freak out at the sight of his own blood. Streets fights are pure chaos and aren't choreographed. Your opponent will kick you in th e nutz or shins which fuggin hurts like hell, try and chew off your nose or fingers , head butt you grab and pull out your hair etc. You cant train for this with helmets and protective gear.

Grab his hair and punch him hard in the face and elbow the side of his head, knee him hard in his thigh and game over.

Did the hatchett have burn marks on the haft and a nice even coat of used motor oil?

LMAO

I take it you're not a former two-legged, hatchet trained slaughterhouse. Those in the know with combat qualifications know that the optimum handle treatment is either Coors light or maple syrup...

In before styx's post saying lets go fug with the mutha f'er in person. Then fûck his woman.

🤣🤣😂

Video seems to be gone.

I don't know guys, he could have something hidden in that man-bun.
Maybe it is a break-away design.


enjoy... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo66zcyP0Q8

IMHO, your 1st problem is: you’re on FB

Why would you support a commie like Zukkerputz??!! -TomT

This is just the type of guy one must be aware of , he appears to be the sort of a badassery, to possess a time trained tactical armed ,attack cat ! Though small they are extremely fast and lite and agile, a red laser pointer, or a small bag of meow mix are the only, known, means. of defence. On the down side cats have been known to become distracted, even mesmerized by a man bun whispering in the morning breeze !

Be safe out there, the six foot rules make handguns the perfect form of protection !

KG, Don't be showin' him any hardware. You're gonna askeer him.

(LMAO).

Trigger fingers turned to Twitter fingers...

Leighton, that sort of witty repartee used to engage me, but anymore, I just put ‘em on ignore. 🤪

WORST POST EVER.....NOBODY GIVES A [bleep]!!!

Should have told Killer about the Fire.

Hilarious. What a great way to wake up.

I fought a guy with a hatchet once. It went about as expected for him.

-Jake

Only topped by the Fallschrimjager tactical accordian

Ya, it’s all fun and games until the dude goes full Mall Ninja on you!

laffin’

I wouldn't go on facebook if You payed me.

Leighton,

I know we are well past Valentines Day, but I was wondering if you would be my half dog brother?

(No slight intended, but I never go full dog this early in the year!)

Maybe dogs protective head gear was at the cleaners....

Tactical harmonica!!! Dude I love it!

Prayers sent; you must be looking over your shoulder every time you log into FB !

Couldn’t view the content, but it brings to mind the vaunted expertise at the time of the 18th Eastern Woodland Indians at throwing tomahawks. Bear in mind for the most part these were ordinary trade hatchets, not designed for throwing.

Ambush was the usual method of warfare. It would open with a volley of trade muskets or rifles followed by an immediate charge, during which time axes were frequently thrown “with great dexterity” (in the absence of alcohol, drugs, TV or the internet, not much to do but practice). A hatchet of course packs a whallop, never read of anyone throwing a knife, which doesn’t. The attackers would then close with hatchet and/or knife.

The most famous incident of ‘hawk throwing was during the Cherry Valley Massacre, November of 1778 when Patriot Militia Colonel Ichabod Alden stood his ground and attempted to shoot the Indian/Tory Leader Joseph Brant, who was attempting to take him prisoner ( had he done so Alden would probably have lived, Brant was a literate and educated man who generally adhered to English-based morality and behavior).

Alden’s pistol misfired and when he went to try it a second time, Brant planted his thrown tomahawk in Alden’s forehead. Probably a chip shot for him.

https://www.revwartalk.com/11-11-1778-battles-cherry-valley-massacre-in-new-york/

Amen brother....

I was hoping for a photo!

Funny [bleep]!

I can't help but think of Gecko45...

https://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Holy crap!

Social media sure does manufacture some badasses.

Picked up one of them in a trade deal some years ago. Way too much sonic recoil for me so I swapped it off to a guy in the North Dakota undergound movement.

Hohner doing their part for the war movement! Wacht am Rhein and all that stuff! 😉

Would they play them on the way down???


Sorta like the kazoos they mounted on the JU87?

Dunno Jim. But this was the std Heer version.

Well played, but sleep lightly, Leighton . He likely has mad Ninja skills.

P.S. - you need to post more. Just sayin'.

Ta da!!!!!

(Or in Frog, Voila!)

I wondered what happened to Kip.

Kamo,
If I was challenged by a man bun sportin millenial with ninja hatchet skills I would simply go "Indiana Jones " on him and shoot him with my 1917 45 acp

Less drama that way......

Proceed with caution my friend

Careful there, Kamo - he might cut you down to size like a water bottle.



FC

Edelweiss, edelweiss.....

Auf die heide blumt eine kleine blumenlein!!!!!

Und das heiß! Erika!!!!

Looks like he has a "Man Bun," which explains a lot.

I prefer the food pictures but they always make me hungry

Vat es Los?

KG, writes the most vivid humor that has had me in tears Laffin...This thread is no exception. Great stuff! 😎

Just checked back in this morning.

I almost choked on my toast!

Geno

Will the accordion be used to play a good march, the Ride of the Valkeries, a polka, or perhaps an arrangement of a Bach cantata?

It makes a difference you know, as to the effectiveness in combat.


Geno

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kQKrmDLvijo

Erika?

What about poor Nikki? Just like that you move on to another?

Geno

A young man with clear anger issues, and self-control issues.

There is likely a reason he trains with the weapons of peasants. Probably not legal for him to own firearms due to felon status.

I was saving Nikki for you!!! It’s the kinda guy I am! (That’s "Gee" in Frog).

Hey! The line forms behind me...... Pushy dang Texans....!

There are some folks on here who could paid for their scribbling.😉

Where can I get the tactical harmonica?

Can you attached it to an AR-14?

In all seriousness, don't hurt him - too much.

Be gentle.

Kamo, thinking this through.

Better take Roger, to help. To take video !

He doesn't need Roger but having him available ain't a bad idea. lol

Instructions say “Mount only on Biden’s AR-15.”

One of the most stupid threads I've ever seen posted here.....................

Boredom can do strange things to people,s minds I suppose.

MM

And you used to fish with this guy? How did that go?

Dog brothers, Google it. Interesting choice of nuts to piss off.

I've got your back, KG!

Sousann pahdon for drunkee postee, frens*.




Hey Kaywoodie neat on the mouth harp. I have my old man's childhood brass and wood M. Hohner, one I've never seen the likes of anywhere else. Big bastard. Maybe 6" across. From the 30s I'm guessing but maybe older. I'll take a pic and post up. If I'm not three sheets the the wind again. I'm learning that this 'telecommuting' routine has all kinds of potential loopholes...

* I do not include an apology to the humorless donkey who proclaimed my post to be the worst ever. You can go get Deflaved, you buzz killing slab o' Spam. Bottom's up!

I ain't reading that...too long.