I just returned from a trip to Arizona to deal with the affairs of an elderly, childless aunt with dementia in a nursing home. The most important thing that was accomplished during the four-day visit was a two-hour meeting with an estate lawyer.
You need to meet with a lawyer promptly, while as many options are still available to your family as possible. Yes, lawyers are expensive, but they can save you more in the long-run than they cost by preventing expensive mistakes or money wasted due to lack of planning.
Getting a trust set up and powers-of-attorney in place are very important, and it sounds like your mother's mental capacity could be declining already.
Also, if not already done, it will help a lot if you can get on to her checking/bank account as a joint owner. That will help when someone needs to takeover paying her bills. It will also allow oversight to make sure your mom isn't overpaying bills or being taken advantage of, both of which occurred with my aunt. Some bills were going unpaid, too. When your mom passes that gives you immediate access to her funds for important things like final expenses. (Which usually run from $5,000 and up). Also, it helps to consolidate various accounts while she is still living to simplify things later.
A female cousin and I have power-of-attorney for my aunt and we are taking steps to sell her condominium to fund her continued care in the rest home at $3200 per month plus other medical expenses. Her life expectancy at this point is weeks to a few months, according to the doctors. The lawyer also had us pre-pay for her funeral expenses which saved us 10% on an $8,000 funeral plan. We hadn't thought of that. So the lawyer saved us $800 right there.
One of the best parts of my trip to Arizona occurred when my family work was completed, I was able to share a big breakfast visit with "Roadrunner65" and "RoninPhx" before heading back to Northern California. Thank you, Joe and Ron for sharing that time with me. I hope to see you both again at Tonto Basin next year.
