Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Help! Dealing with parent, on the way out...so to say

OK here's the short story , ma lives by herself ,has her home in her name etc,...she is getting on in years and we see some medical issues coming ...for starters she has 3 people in the neborhood hired to mow her lawn ,!!!!, and shes the only one that don't know it ...she got a life insurance policy ..from we don't know who (we are looking into it) for 23500.00. It comes do in five Years for 25000.00 ...what we known is if she has to go into care/nurseiing home , .GOV will use all her assets up then , the old folk/.gov program will kick in ...what have you guys done /been thu? ....help !

Medicaid is a joint state federal office program so it is implemented differently in every state. Look into in. Lots and f beiracracy and paperwork on the front side, but once you get through it needed help and services start to flow.

Make sure and get health care and financial powers of attorney while she has capacity. Otherwise you will need to go to court.

National academy of elder law attorneys has an online register of attorneys who can be search for subspecialty, including Medicaid planning.

Good luck.

my advise is that you contact an estate attorney in your area for guidance rather than Tom, Dick or Harry at the Fire.

THIS!

FWIW:

My mom is gone, and my dad is 96, and still doing well. They thought they had everything covered when they gave my sister and I power of attorney. They did not realize that when they were gone, so was the power of attorney. We had an attorney do a trust, and transferred all assets into the trust. When Dad passes on, sis and I succeed him as trustee.

My MIL turns 97 next week. They had a trust done by an attorney, and it was a mess. Fortunately, one of my nephews is a very sharp estate attorney and he got it fixed just today. Moral of the story, get an attorney who specializes in estates.

I just returned from a trip to Arizona to deal with the affairs of an elderly, childless aunt with dementia in a nursing home. The most important thing that was accomplished during the four-day visit was a two-hour meeting with an estate lawyer.

You need to meet with a lawyer promptly, while as many options are still available to your family as possible. Yes, lawyers are expensive, but they can save you more in the long-run than they cost by preventing expensive mistakes or money wasted due to lack of planning.

Getting a trust set up and powers-of-attorney in place are very important, and it sounds like your mother's mental capacity could be declining already.

Also, if not already done, it will help a lot if you can get on to her checking/bank account as a joint owner. That will help when someone needs to takeover paying her bills. It will also allow oversight to make sure your mom isn't overpaying bills or being taken advantage of, both of which occurred with my aunt. Some bills were going unpaid, too. When your mom passes that gives you immediate access to her funds for important things like final expenses. (Which usually run from $5,000 and up). Also, it helps to consolidate various accounts while she is still living to simplify things later.

A female cousin and I have power-of-attorney for my aunt and we are taking steps to sell her condominium to fund her continued care in the rest home at $3200 per month plus other medical expenses. Her life expectancy at this point is weeks to a few months, according to the doctors. The lawyer also had us pre-pay for her funeral expenses which saved us 10% on an $8,000 funeral plan. We hadn't thought of that. So the lawyer saved us $800 right there.

One of the best parts of my trip to Arizona occurred when my family work was completed, I was able to share a big breakfast visit with "Roadrunner65" and "RoninPhx" before heading back to Northern California. Thank you, Joe and Ron for sharing that time with me. I hope to see you both again at Tonto Basin next year.

Lots to do. Get the right lawyer and you'll be fine. It won't be cheap unless you compare that cost to the cost of trying to straighten things out when it's too late.

atvalaska,

For God sake get power of attorneys signed before the dementia gets worse and Medicaid gets their claws into her assets !!!

Been down that road but I'm too sleep deprived to post more now.

Myron

I'm in the process now of getting my 77 year old mother's land put in my name. She's still in pretty good shape, but...

doover72,

Check that out carefully. Medicaid can do a 'lookback' at any transfer of assets to avoid paying for extended care. If they think the transfer was to defraud Medicare, they can seize the assets.

Myron

Maybe I'm missing something, but the only reason medicaid "gets its claws into" anyone's assets is to cover the costs of long-term care that's provided by medicaid, correct?

So, if a person needs long-term care, and has assets, that person should pay for long-term care, correct?

i would never put my my parents in a nursing home. we took care of my wife's mother till she died and my mom, have my dad here now but he's still doing good. Its hard but i feel i owe them that much.

Correct! That is why a responsible person works and saves; to provide for themselves and their family.

Jerry

You bet.

smokepole,

"Maybe I'm missing something, but the only reason medicaid "gets its claws into" anyone's assets is to cover the costs of long-term care that's provided by medicaid, correct?"

A power of attorney does not shield assets from medicare, but allows some planning that you wouldn't have otherwise.

Without a longer discussion, the worst case scenario is that the assets could be completely depleted and not leave even enough for a funeral. While the funds are still available, get a funeral plan pre-paid, which is allowable.

By being prepared, you have the option of getting some things done while it is still possible. If the person is going to be in nursing home care until death, you can sell real estate, household goods and other assets and put the money in a checking account to pay expenses until the money runs out, at which time Medicaid would start paying for it.

Myron

Both of my mother's parents ended up in the nursing home.

In reality, my mother spent more time taking care of them in the nursing home than she would have if they had been at home with her.

The decision to go to a nursing home was her Mother's. She did not want to be on the farm with her daughter. It was expensive, but there was no other option.

Talk to a lawyer, and the best accountant you can find.

You will have to get your ducks in a row to manage the money. It is your responsibility to do what you have to do. That may mean contributing to her care.

I have seen people abandoned in facilities that were sub standard just so the kids could save a nickle.

Interesting...I have been trying to get my mother and her husband to spend their money on themselves instead of socking it away for the rest of us when they die.

Bloody woman seems to think she has to live like a monk.

Medicaid has nothing to do with "taking assets"

Never say never (regarding putting someone into a home). It can take four people working near full-time to take 24hr, 7-day care of a full blown dementia patient. These patients also frequently become violent. They can also become escape artists, climbing 6-ft fences or crawling below windows.

That is what my aunt became before we could get her into a good, safe facility. It was against her will, but she is relatively happy and pretty controlled on appropriate meds now.

They are not the same person you knew all your life. Their personality is gone. They don't know you, or what day it is. At that point in time it is best for everybody involved for them to be put into a proper facility that is all set up to take care of them. My aunt's assets are being depleted fairly rapidly, but the doctors don't think she has very much time left.

My aunt's husband, my uncle, died years ago. He went instantly, from a massive heart attack, playing tennis in the hot Arizona sun. Some lives seem too short. Some seem to be a little too long.

Get an estate attorney!
If she wants to transfer property or assets do it now.

There is a time frame involved, 5-7 years (Not sure) if she moves to assisted living or nursing home and needs Medicaid for financial assistance they'll look back to see what assets she gave away within that time frame.

She can't give you money with one hand and ask for money from Medicaid with the other.

If she needs assistance in the near future, you can be grateful her assets are taking care of her needs.
Inheritance, who cares, take care of Mom first.

Several years back I served on jury duty for a case where the daughter was trying to get legal control of her elderly mother's affairs.

Mom wanted no part of it.

Daughter testified that her mom had symptoms of mental decline. Said she had been forgeting to pay normal bills regularly, buying things and donating money she couldn't afford, which caused her to run out of money between monthly SS retirement deposits, resulting in bounced checks + fees.

Her mom was a sweet, likable, cute little elderly lady. She had the judge, jury and watchers chuckling and snickering at times with funny remarks and replies to questions.

It was my opinion though she also showed signs of the things her daughter alleged.

Bottom line, mom kept control over her financial affairs.

She won over the hearts of jury with her endearing 'cuteness', ignoring her fairly obvious mental decline issues, which no doubt continued to worsen.