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Joined: Dec 2015
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 8,069 |
A5. The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. Spot on!!!
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Joined: Apr 2005
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Apr 2005
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Since you didn't specify a profession, I'll add one about a lawyer. Let the tidal wave begin!
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing -- Edmund Burke
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Joined: May 2011
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,354 Likes: 9 |
Since you didn't specify a profession, I'll add one about a lawyer. Let the tidal wave begin!
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Ha! Good one!
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An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 152,012 Likes: 24
Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 152,012 Likes: 24 |
Yep, made me curious, I married two blondes. What was I thinking?
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,623
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,623 |
Mechanical engineers make bombs.... Civil engineers make the targets. My "civil" buddy doesn't appreciate it...
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10,247 Likes: 7
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10,247 Likes: 7 |
[In case you didn’t get #12, Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.”]
should be Jean-Paul Sartre instead of Descarte
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Joined: Sep 2012
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 18,243 |
Plumber, your cshit is our bread and butter,
All you have to know to be a plumbers is paydays on Friday and cshit don’t run uphill. And don't chew your fingernails KC The version I hears was...."chit runs downhill, payday's on Friday, and the boss is an ass hole.
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Joined: Sep 2012
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 18,243 |
There are old linemen , and there are bold lineman , but there are no old bold linemen .
Kenneth Same for pilots same for mushroom eaters. And if anyone knows about mushrooms it's Gus.
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 12,664 |
An engineer, a computer programmer, and a government worker were talking about how smart their dogs are.
The engineer says watch this, and calls his dog Slide Rule". He places twelve cookies on the floor and tells Slide Rule to divide the cookies by four. Slide Rule puts three cookies and each group. See he can divide!
The mathematician puts the 12 cookies in a pile and calls his dog, Keypunch. He tells Keypunch to subtract two cookies from the group and Keypunch takes two cookies from the pile. Now he commands Keypunch to divide the large pile by two and Keypunch puts five cookies in two different piles. See, my dog can subtract and divide.
Now they look and the government worker and ask what can your dog do? The government worker says, Coffee Break, show them your stuff. Coffee Break eats all twelve cookies, screws the other two dogs, and takes the rest of the day off on sick leave.
The Karma bus always has an empty seat when it comes around.- High Brass
There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 542
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 542 |
She was a farmer's daughter, but could not keep,here calves together
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292 |
The two queer judges that tried each other.
Its all right to be white!!
Stupidity left unattended will run rampant
Don't argue with stupid people, They will drag you down to their level and then win by experience
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292 |
She was only a moonshiners daughter,but he loved her still.
Its all right to be white!!
Stupidity left unattended will run rampant
Don't argue with stupid people, They will drag you down to their level and then win by experience
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292 |
Two queer undertakers who after work would head to the basement to suck on a couple cold ones.
Its all right to be white!!
Stupidity left unattended will run rampant
Don't argue with stupid people, They will drag you down to their level and then win by experience
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,292
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2007
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The difference between whores and lawyers?Whores stop f U C King you after you die.
Its all right to be white!!
Stupidity left unattended will run rampant
Don't argue with stupid people, They will drag you down to their level and then win by experience
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,509
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,509 |
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
![[Linked Image]](http://pic90.picturetrail.com/VOL2250/777751/1363903/413793179.jpg)
Old Fishermen never die, we just get reel tired.
May you build a ladder to the stars
and climb on every rung.
May you stay......Forever young
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 67,356 Likes: 52
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 67,356 Likes: 52 |
Sweating like a homskooler trying to read.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,576 Likes: 7
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,576 Likes: 7 |
[In case you didn’t get #12, Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.”]
should be Jean-Paul Sartre instead of Descarte Sorry, persiandog, WRONG. , "Cogito, ergo sum" was Rene Descartes. Jean-Paul Sartre: "There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk." "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." "No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point. " "
NRA Member - Life, Benefactor, Patron
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Joined: Sep 2015
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10,247 Likes: 7 |
[In case you didn’t get #12, Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.”]
should be Jean-Paul Sartre instead of Descarte Sorry, persiandog, WRONG. , "Cogito, ergo sum" was Rene Descartes. Jean-Paul Sartre: "There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk." "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." "No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point. " " yes , you are right. a new one by ME : i have guns, therefore I am.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 18,033
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 18,033 |
Welders are like whores-all they ask for is more rod and more money!
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Joined: Sep 2008
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,576 Likes: 7 |
a new one by ME : i have guns, therefore I am. I like it !
NRA Member - Life, Benefactor, Patron
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