Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Should I let my daughter move back home?

All mine would have to do is show she's in need. I'm her father, and she's my baby girl, and always will be. Now how that "time of need" came to be would dictate how I would handle it from there, but unless she's a felon on the run, I would, at the very minimum, let her "crash for a while".

Make sure she understands what you expect from her.Type up an agreement and have her sign it.Stick to what you agree to.I went through the same thing with my Daughter and my Grandson.My daughter had a job and payed me room and board.She wanted to save money to buy her own house.She stayed with us for 6 years and obeyed house rules.When she said she had enough money to make a good down payment on a house,she moved out.I gave her a check for all the room and board she gave us.She would not have got it if she did not keep her word.

I don't think that there is a question here....unless there is substance abuse. You are a Dad and need to take care of your daughter. BUT your Wife comes first. Do not injure your home life for a lost cause.
Having said that I WENT AND GOT my daughter and my Grandson and brought them home to alter a situation and give her options. There was a plan from the beginning and she lived up to it and is doing well with her life at this point.
It may not be easy bringing anyone back home after getting used to a house without kids but it can be productive and quite satisfying.

You are in our thoughts. Good luck sir. Bear

Yes, to a point though.

6 years? Not on my watch. .02

Plinker,

You didnt mention that your daughter had any other problem than being without a place to live. I have 2 daughters and while they aren't old enough to have kids yet, I cant think of any reason that if they needed my help, that I wouldn't give them a place to stay until they could better their situation.

As long as your daughter and grand-daughter know they need to pitch in and help out where they can and know it is not a permanent arrangement, absolutely. Don't know if you need to set an "end date", though, as that could get dicey under the wrong circumstances and the way it might be proposed. Be careful not to turn them into "slaves" by requiring them to do everything under the sun you and your wife don't want to do. Ya catch a lot more flies with sugar than with vinegar. Besides, every day could become a "teachable moment" for both daughter and grand-daughter if you work it right. Good luck.

Maybe in Mexifornia you couldn't throw them out. Their visitors only no rent and just let her know in no uncertain terms if she wears out her welcome she's gone. Avoid any commitment to a date on the stay. In fact maybe one day or so a week she might want to go to a friends house.

Some people you just cant help.Others you can.Its your choice.

Yep...the common buzzword is "enabling"....and I personally have never seen it turn out well...JMHO


Ingwe

always a rough thing to deal with.

My suggestion would be to help, if needed, in setting up a place of her OWN.

That usually works out better than them moving back in.........especially if you have a wife now that is NOT the mother.

I feel strongly that family needs to help family. There are a variety of methods though, that will accomplish the goal of having a safe place for her and her children to live.

In my world blood is thicker than water....but I haven't been married as many times as mannlicher.

How many times Mannlicher has been married has nothing to do with anything here---that was a cheap shot on your part.
Blood is thicker than water is a good excuse for some kids to walk all over their parents or grandparents. Some parents don't raise kids to be adults and those kids want nothing more than to look for sympathy and a free ride, rather than a route to independence and responsibility. BTDT, and in the long run sometimes it is better to practice tough love, than to further enable a person who is used to being enabled.
I'll gladly help a family member who is trying to help themself, but I won't help anyone who won't help themselves.

Gary, my daughters will always have a place in my house, but they will have to be a contributing member, that is all I could ask. Les

Yes, with rules, limits and duration. She is your child and they are your grandchildren.

Helping grown kids isn't a leagal obligation, but for me I feel a emotional obligation. The "enableing" word lurking ing the background. With this said and your wifes blessing,write a contract. Detail all that expected,rules,chores/help,time frame, consequences for failed obligations, ext. Have all involved read it together,and sign. If it goes south the contract might lessen hard feelings down the road.

Sounds like she just needs a little help up! Most everyone here is on the same track... make sure she is a participating member of the family and working to get back on her feet. Best thing to teach a child and a grandchild is that you can depend on your family. Nothing in your post says she has done anything wrong other than to come upon hard times. You can help her in a variety of ways, depending which best suites your home life. Help her get set up in her own place, or let her get back up on her feet in yours.

not often but I sometimes wonder what the allure of this place is for me.


and then a thread like this turns up and reminds me why I'm here.


this place is made up of good men (and a few women) tough men, fair men, but compassionate men.


I salute my campfire compadres and applaud you for the well intentioned advice to the OP.

his family will be in my prayers.

It comes with being a father. I've done it for my daughter.
She always tried hard and just couldn't get a break.
Finally, while working as a waitress she went to bartendng school. While bartending got hired at a casino, and tended bar while training to be dealer.
She's been a dealer for six years now, owns one house free and clear (with just a bit of help from me) and just bought a second home.
There were never any conditions, I was just there to encourage and assist.

Set the rules and help them out.It's the right thing to do.