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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 18,215
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 18,215 |
Glad you didn't have any " yeasty funk" on your " sac-rilliac"!
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293
Campfire 'Bwana
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OP
Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 35,293 |
Something clever here.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680 |
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,199 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,199 Likes: 1 |
That's it Dave. fumunda your balls!
Well we're Green and we're Gold, and we play better when it's cold. All us Cheese heads have our favorite superstar. We love Brett Favre.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 18,215
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 18,215 |
Isn't that a stinky Belgian cheese..?
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,652
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,652 |
That's vulveeta. Who woulda thunk that is what infests a mangina?
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680 |
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 22,175 Likes: 7
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 22,175 Likes: 7 |
Why does this topic keep creeping back up? It seems like it's a case of Campfire herpes. Just pops up every now and then.
---------------------------------------- I'm a big fan of the courtesy flush.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680 |
because it is a classic and required reading you knothead...I'm just gonna have to drive down and drink all your beer!
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 22,175 Likes: 7
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 22,175 Likes: 7 |
Come on down ya stink'n Swede... I need someone to kill a couple of does. I don't feel like cleaning anymore deer this year.
---------------------------------------- I'm a big fan of the courtesy flush.
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,627 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,627 Likes: 1 |
Bringing t back to the top, this thread reminded me of this best of craigslist gem;
WARNING!!! Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble [bleep].
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic [bleep]- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky [bleep]/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering [bleep]/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own [bleep] blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,587 Likes: 8
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,587 Likes: 8 |
One day late -
NRA Member - Life, Benefactor, Patron
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,806
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,806 |
isn't this much better than the political drivel? Let me see; 70 plus pages of the rugged outdoorsy type comparing manbutt suave, baum, lubricate, manscape vs. trying to rail some effort against commie idiots ruining our country. I'm gonna go with politics for a hundred alex.
Be Polite , Be Professional , but have a plan to kill everybody you meet -General James Mattis United States Marine Corps
Nothing is darker than a mau mau's moo moo.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 990
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 990 |
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6,312
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6,312 |
Buy once, cry once.
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 33,856 |
Just lube up with some of the triple antibiotic with the topical anesthetic from wal-mart before you start and you won't have any problems. Before you start what?
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time by the blood of patriots and tyrants.
If being stupid allows me to believe in Him, I'd wish to be a retard. Eisenhower and G Washington should be good company.
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 52,680 |
isn't this much better than the political drivel? Let me see; 70 plus pages of the rugged outdoorsy type comparing manbutt suave, baum, lubricate, manscape vs. trying to rail some effort against commie idiots ruining our country. I'm gonna go with politics for a hundred alex.
Liberalism is a mental disorder that leads to social disease.
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,754 Likes: 7
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,754 Likes: 7 |
isn't this much better than the political drivel? Let me see; 70 plus pages of the rugged outdoorsy type comparing manbutt suave, baum, lubricate, manscape vs. trying to rail some effort against commie idiots ruining our country. I'm gonna go with politics for a hundred alex. Who da guy wit a stick up his azz eh?
The deer hunter does not notice the mountains
"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve" - Isoroku Yamamoto
There sure are a lot of America haters that want to live here...
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,867
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,867 |
Why oh why is Monkey Butt Powder not a site sponsor? Or at least a pop up on this thread, oh holies of holies it is.
Golldammed motion detector lights. A guy can’t even piss off his porch in peace any more.
"Look, I want to help the helpless. It's the clueless I don't give a [bleep] about." - Dennis Miller on obamacare.
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,715
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,715 |
It's back!
(yet to decide if it's a good or a bad thing)
I'd rather have a bad day hunting than a good day working!
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