Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Jehovah's Witness....

There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.

I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

So I said, "Come in and sit down."

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the hell out of me! Nobody ever let me in before."

Mrs Archer is laughing her xxx off.




Okay, give us the rest of the report....

Is he ready to ditch that hideous joy depriving religion and visit a campfire with some fun loving Druid types?


Should be a tit for tat thing. You show me your and I'll show you mine.

( don't take that the wrong way.... .... lol )

Thanks Derby.

I don't remember it (too young) but my Dad tells of our minister who had 4 sons. All four were also ministers. One Saturday,they are visiting their dad on his birthday when a couple of JW's knocked on the front door.

I guess those 2 never knew what hit them.

Dale

Sixty-second witness

Ever have the Jehovah Witness missionaries knock on your door? Here are three questions that will help you share Christ with them. They believe they are �Bible teachers� and therefore love to answer questions about the Bible. They will not accept any translations, other than theirs, which is called the NEW WORLD TRANSLATION and the KJV. The following verses are from the KJV.

#1 - ask them to read aloud Revelation 1:8,

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty."

Now ask them, �Who is this �Alpha and Omega�? Is it God?� They will answer yes.

#2 ask them to read Revelation 22:13,

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last."

Now ask them, �Who is this �First and Last�? Is it God, too? They will answer yes.

#3 ask them to read Revelation 1:17-18,

"And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last: I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore�"

Now ask them, �When did God die?�

when the real ones show at my door - all I can say - "Will you please leave"

When my wife and I were first married we rented a house directly across the street from my parents. My Dad had a vacuum cleaner salesman show up at his house and so he sicced the salesman on us. To get even I sent some Jehovah's Witness's his direction telling them that the old guy across the street seemed interested in finding truth.

My Dad would never tell me what he said or did but I was watching from across the street as they ran out his front door, down his sidewalk and to their car, with the one in the rear looking over his shoulder...funny as hell. The look of fear on their faces still gives me a smile 30 some years later.

I remember my Dad cutting a 2 by 4 eight feet long into 4 inch long pieces so the circular saw would scream every time they started talking. Dad was a man of few words, and that day, so were the "witnesses." They witnessed a nice polite way to keep them quiet.

In my old fire breathing Roman Catholic apologist days I actually did just that, i.e., invited them to come in and sit down to talk about the Bible. They got out their false bible and I got out my Roman Catholic Bible that I had marked up specifically for evangelizing JWs, and we had at it. Soon their heads were spinning, and they said they'd have to come back with their supervisor to address the points I made. I never saw them again.

Somwhow, I could just see Logcutter answering the door in tighty whighties and asking them if they want to wrassle.

sent some running on accident one day when they knocked on the door while i cleaning snake cages......didnt actually know who was at the door when i opened as normally only friends showed up so i didnt bother to look.....anyways i opened the door with a 6 foot slightly agitated carpet python that let out a good his bout the time the guy noticed what was on my arm.....he turned white and musta set a new record on the 100 yard dash....though it was accidental it did keep them from bugging me for a few years....

The_Real_Hawkeye,

When I was a new believer a lady at work gave me a New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures printed by the Watch Tower (Jehovah's Witness) group. She said, "I see the Holy Spirit all over you. You will be needing this to talk with Jehovah's Witnesses. I used to be one and came to the Lord from reading it. They prefer this Bible."

I didn't know any better so used it. I took it to church the next Sunday. The Sunday School teacher was edgy through out the class and made a bee line to me when he finished. He asked me if I knew about this Bible so I showed him what I found. In Ephesians 2:8-9 where most of us are familiar with
"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast," the other one is more clear to me. It been a long time but is goes something like, "By God's undeserved kindness toward you you have been saved....."

The teacher told me he always slammed the door in their faces, but the next time he would ask to use one of their Bibles. He showed them this verse. The younger of the two said, "I need to go home and pray."

Their Watch Tower teaches Jesus was nailed to a torture stake through the both wrists with one nail with His hands over His head, yet their Bible teaches He was nailed through the hands. One of my neighbors came to the saving knowledge of Jesus by accepting the Jesus with holes in His hands and left the J.W. organization!

One came by my place when we first moved in about ten years ago. I was in the garage reloading for a .340 Bee when he drove up so I went out to meet him. Right away I knew he was J.W. He said, "I'm not here to persuade you." I tried to be polite and smiled when I said, "Now we know that isn't true. We find in 2 Corinthians 5, "Knowing the terror of the Lord we persuade men." We talked for a few minutes and he left never to return.

When I lived in Flagstaff AZ there were two Jehovah's witness ladies that worked the neighbor hood regularily. I tried inviting them in to talk, offered them coffee and beer and, like zombies they still kept coming.
One morning as I was getting out of the shower I saw then coming so I answered the door completely nude and politely invited them in.

they not only completly left me alone after than but when they would come down my side of the street they would not even walk in front of my house but would cross the street and walk down the other side!

Just ask them if they want to share the Gefilte fish. They run like rabbits.

just after college I was living in a house with a bunch of other folks who all went to the same college I did...

there was a Jehovah's Church just round the corner... I had one come to the house one day, and couldn't get rid of him... then they next weekend, another one came with him...

Enter my room mate Dennis... Dennis had grown up and attended Catholic School. from kindergarten to 12th grade... his parents were Italian immigrants and religious as hell.. the guy knew the bible backwards and forwards.. could recited pages upon pages..
Goes to college, when mom wanted him to go to a seminary and become a priest... In college, he became an atheist...

So the second time, Dennis took over for me and offered the Johaviah's a cup of coffee... I return 3 hours later and they are just leaving...

couple days later, those two and an older one return to the house... they are there for 3 hours again... Dennis is questioning them on the Bible and their teachings, in a Columbo style, and tying them in knots...

This goes on and then stops for a while... and then after a new class of converts starting hitting the neighborhood, the cycle started over...

Finally one day a young man and a woman show up and identified themselves as Jehovah Witnesses... I say "oh you must be looking for Dennis..."

They look at each other, and then ask "is this where Mr Dennis Ricci Lives sir?"

I respond 'yes', to which they reply, "sorry to bother you sir!... this house is officially off limits to our members"...

you had to love that one...

Generally I just tell them to F off...the only time that I did not, was when I told them that I was not interested but that my wife would be home tomorrow and they were welcome to talk to her as she was definitely interested in that sort of thing.

Twenty odd years after the fact she still gets extremely cranky when she remembers...in fact I am going to wander in and remind her now.

They are about as welcome here as they should be around the campfire. Proseletyzing double-talkers looking for the weak willed and weak minded and wholly intolerant of any other view are unwlecome no matter what they peddle.

1B

Sorry if this offends anybody...

Jehovahs showed up at my door once on Christmas morning. I was in the kitchen helping my wife prepare to put the turkey in the oven. I had been separating the giblet package and decided to have a little fun with the turkey neck. Pulled the skin most of the way off the thing, and then trimmed it off. It looked a lot like a great big ole schlong, and I was gonna play a little joke on my wife...

So, knock at the door. I answer the door with the turkey neck hidden behind me, and there stands some jehovahs. A man and a woman, along with a couple kids. They started talking, but I just kinda leered at the woman for a few seconds and then produced the neck and gestured at her with it while making some hubba hubba noises. They absolutely scattered, and have not been back.

I wonder if they call on muslims?