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I personally don't have to forgive nothing. A lot of people ask for forgiveness, and then continue on with their evil ways. I had to fire two close family members a few years ago, and life is better for it. I knew they were not going to change their ways, and i refused to allow them to get into my head.
some comments i paid attention to at the time
1. you can chose your friends but not your family, and your family is what you want it to be, not always by blood.
2. fight the battles you can resolve, avoid those that have no good outcome.
3. your life is like blank pages in a book, you chose what you put in it. Put good things in it that make you happy, or fill it with bad things, your choice on how you want to lead your life.

Thanks fellas I think what really got him when I found out his supposed service to our country in the navy in veitnam was a lie. I kept that to myself for yrs when we were sort of talking but on bad terms i called him out on it. His fix was to tell folks i got into a bunch of trouble for snooping around trying to get his records which he says they are sealed lol. 1 my grandparents told me he was never in the navy 2 i have better things to do and try to dig up supposed navy records. To all you folks with great parents be greatful!

Your #3 statement is exactly why we need to forgive people. Forgiving is not about relieving them of the responsibility for the wrong they did. Forgiving is about relieving yourself of any bitterness resulting from what they did, so that you can live a good life filled with good things, instead of filled with hatred, anger or resentment. If you have done that. then that is all that's needed.

I had someone to steal things from me that were left to me by my grandfather. Those things were very sentimental and important to me. Forgiving just meant that I couldn't hold on to the anger that was eating into my soul. Even after forgiving, I would have been stupid to ever allow that thief back into my home. All I did was sow a seed of love to get rid of the bitterness that kept coming into my thoughts and acting as a poison in my life.

Yep, me too. I don't carry around hate, I have indifference. I am a man with my own family, don't have time to worry about a miserable old man.

Man...I'm proud I had the parents I had and grew up in the '40s!! No wonder....it's a [bleep] up world today from reading these postings!!

I have a father that pretty much quit contributing after he pulled his magic wand out. Nice guy but a sociopathic, shameless leech.
Several years ago my half-sister and I agreed he could be summed up as a "bundle of needs."
Right now he is putting my half-sister through he11 as she came to his rescue through family (his) pressure, while I've got two other parents I'm worried about and plenty busy with. She basically uprooted herself to keep him company across the continent, yet he's unable to comprehend that maybe he should not head-trip her so she can get established?
Should she just tell him to kiss off? She wishes she had. I'd go help but it would suck me dry.

Thers lots of wise counsel here on the Campfire. A lot of gray heads with life experiences and words of wisdom. I always enjoy the posts of Mickey Coleman. He seems to be a gentleman, a true Christian, and his advice is spot on. There are others too.

Yep lots of good advice given.

I feel sorrow hearing how many people have crap parents.
My dad if you could call him that left my mom -if you could call her that -when she was pregnant with me.
My stuff goes back all the way to my grandpaw who passed away a few years ago -he was a welfare bum -draft dodger in WWII and had many other great attributes.
He raised my uncle -and mom in crapholes and beat my Grandmother each weekend when he came home drunk.

I moved 800 miles away from all of them when I was a teenager- worked hard at being the opposite of my family.
I have gone to visit all of them over the years and when I ran into old friends -who my brothers and family know -the friends ask "what are you doing these days" I tell them what I do for work and they say my family says it's all lies -they make me out to be a total loser.
That is a hard thing to deal with when your own family has never had a good word to say about you because your success shines a light on what a bunch of total losers THEY are.
79S -as stated -move on and let the jerkoffs be jerkoffs with themselves.
Best to you.
Mike

Life is way to short to put up with ANYBODY'S drama, blood or not. My Dad cheated on my mom for most of their 25 year marriage. He faked a break in at our house and stole my HK-93 and 870 while I was on my first deployment in 1980. He tried to commit suicide in 1981 after he had vanished for about 1 year.
I married my wife in 1985 and he made a pass at her then tried to commit suicide again in 1985. My parents were divorced in 1987 and my Dad died in 2003. I did not learn of his death until 2010 from the second of his 3 ex wife's.
Good riddance....

Me and my mom are like best drinking buddies.

Take the high road.

Don't play his game.

Good job, ol mike.

Every day Brother, hang in there!

Imagine your life with okok's avatar and you'll be fine.

#1. Honor thy father and mother. Mail him Christmas cards, birthday cards, birth announcements of your kids. Call him once a month, just to say "hi". Don't divulge anything you don't want to divulge. Don't let other people determine who you are.

#2. Expect nothing. Unmet expectations are one of the biggest negatives in life. If you do get something, it will be a unexpected joy.

#3 Make peace with the past, it was temporary. Your future can have as much or as little to do with your past as you decide it will.

My father and I have not spoken for a number of years.

Long story, but he went a little off the deep end when he started having financial issues after he crossed the IRS and had his savings cleared out by them and then suffering the free-fall in property values shortly thereafter.

He became a bit of a conspiracy theorist after that. My brother, sister and I received a letter from him condemning us for our lack of action to correct America, our sloth because we recreate with our kids and our general lack of preparedness for the impending [bleep].

After that, I was done. Wrote him a sharp response and moved on. I have no time for theatrics, hyperbole or drama. Life is too short to deal with people who are human-anchors.

My mother has become a very negative person. The real deal-breaker was when she started bad-mouthing me to my children. As I said before, I decided life was too short to deal with those who do nothing but cut you and others down. I do speak to my mother every few weeks and keep it short and to the point.

I don't let it bother me. Don't concern myself, I just live my life for me, my wife and kids.

What a nice thing to say! I deeply appreciate the kind words.

[quote=79S Im leaving ak soon i want swing through my home town for some intervention ie let him know he is a turd to his face, [/quote]

Will that serve any useful purpose? Maybe make you feel better for a short time but will it fix the problem or him?

It's hard to do sometimes but if you can just forgive him-- for your sake and peace of mind-- and move on you'll maybe be better off.

Hate to see threads like this. Been on both sides of this fence as most of us have and the whole story can never be typed. How can anyone give advice in these threads when you read one side? My parents were [bleep] when I knew it all, and very wise once I grew up had my own kids. You realize theres always "the other sides opinion". In all discord rarely does the pendelum of blame swing outside of 60/40..It just takes some serious maturing to realize that.

Throw in physical and mental abuse and all bets are off but I didn't read that here.

It's because those of us who have experienced it don't like to relive it. I endured both but the mental was more prevalent. Not from my father so much, he was distant and aloof but helped me in many ways. My stepmother was verbally abusive at times, a bully and it got physical on occasion. My father was aware of it but never stepped in where I knew that I could count on his protection. I have my struggles with it at times but try not to let it own me.

I've had my failures as a parent but my kids and I are extremely close. Many years ago I was talking to my son when he was in the army. When he hung up his 5 year old daughter said "You were talking to PawPaw." He asked her how she knew that and she said, "Because when you talk with PawPaw you're always laughing." We still laugh constantly when we're together. Our sense of humor, my son's and two daughter's, are very dry and a little 'caustic' with each other but we enjoy each other immensely. At least they had better be enjoying it!

+1 on that.