About five weeks ago, Kathy, my wonderful wife of 43½ years, died at St. Alphonsus Hospital, here in Boise, of pneumonia and complications from severe Alzheimer's dementia. She had been a resident at a memory care facility for nearly two years. That became necessary as my wife in her dementia was a "wanderer," became delusional, and had very bad hallucinations with which I was unable to cope. Her memory was severely impaired. We had no children so I had to try and take care of her and everything else required in daily life myself. Over a period of time, it became impossible and I reluctantly placed her in a respected local memory care facility in early-May, 2018. I was 81 and Kathy was 72.
I visited her every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, and took her to doctors and dentist appointments. I would call her every day. The care giver would give her the phone so we could talk. Often, my wife did not really know who I was and sometimes she did not know I was her husband when I visited. Nevertheless, every time I visited, she was happy to see me. It was very devastating to watch her wonderful mind deteriorate. I know there are others here who have had to watch their loved ones degenerate in mind and I know how they felt, just as they will know how I felt.
In early February, my wife contracted a cold. It became worse although a doctor at the facility prescribed some medicine. Her cold got worse and she fainted, striking her neck and hip on a chair. The care givers called the paramedics. They called me and said they thought she should go to the hospital. Of course I said to take her and I'd be there in 30 minutes.
When I arrived, Kathy was on a gurney in the Emergency room waiting to go in for X-rays. I tried to comfort her but she was coughing racking, deep lung coughs almost constantly. After X-rays the doctor told me she did not have any bone breaks but a CT scan had shown she had severe pneumonia. He wanted to admit her for treatment and I said to do it. They put her in a room, hooked up IVs, heart and blood pressure monitors, oxygen, etc. Her horrible coughing continued. I was with her from about 12;15 PM until 11:00 PM that night. Because I have macular degeneration, I can not drive at night as the oncoming headlights blind me. The drive home from the hospital that night was "an adventure," I assure you, but I made it safely. For the next seven days, I arrived about 9:30 AM and left about 5:00 PM to get home before dark.
After three days, no matter the doctors' and nurses' extraordinary efforts Kathy's pneumonia continued to get worse. She could not swallow water nor eat solid foods, nor could she walk. She was delirious and did not know what was going on, She was miserable. On the fourth day, her doctor told me "Your wife's prognosis is not good at all." On the eighth day, as I was sitting beside her bed holding her hand, she sighed and that was her last breath.
I managed to contract a bad cold so after my wife's death, I have stayed at home to make sure my cold did not become pneumonia or Covid 19. Fortunately, I seem to be okay now. My neighbors have been very kind to me. They bring me food and pick up groceries when they have to go to the market. I conduct certain legal details by phone, fax, and e-mail.
I am devastated by the death of my wife, the love of my life, my very best friend, and my wonderful companion. Kathy was a Christian, a patriot, loved our country and Constitution, and loved me with all her heart as I loved her.
I have sympathy for all here who have loved ones with dementia or other serious illnesses. Hopefully, someday a dementia cure or preventative will be found. There are none yet.
L.W.
