Scrooster: I know of the pain you speak of Sir!
2 things I would like to share that helped me.
1st thing was I took a notepad with me into my office and let it be known that I wanted just this one night of contemplation. As I began drinking I began writing. I wrote of all the things I was feeling from their loss as if they were sitting across from me. I spoke about some of the good times spent together as well as some of the bad times. I spoke of things I should have done and things I wished I had told them. I spoke of friends and family. I spoke of all the thing we had in common and the thing was didn't. I spoke of all the things I loved about them and how I was going to miss them, but I also spoke of the things that I didn't like about them as well.
I drank and I cried and I wrote. Anything that came into my mind I put on paper no matter what it was. I got so drunk that I passed out writing.
When the next day arrived I found that a large part of my grief and sorrow was gone!!!
2nd thing was from then own I didn't focus on my sorrow but instead focused on healing. One thing I focused on was the fact that when I pass on, I do not want someone to grieve to the point that it starts to affect their life in a negative way. I know my loved ones would not have wanted me to grieve like that over them. Instead I welcomed the memories of them and not just the memory of their passing.
Ifv this seems like something you would like to try I encourage it, but if not then too want their own. I felt like you were reaching out possibly looking for ideas! This process has helped me numerous times in my life and I think I'm better for it.
Good luck healing buddy, each day get a little better!
Regards,
Mark
