His latest post to his Facebook page, and the replies of the gullible.
https://www.facebook.com/mark.claiborne.524?fref=tsMark Claiborne with Byron Claiborne and 6 others.
6 hrs ·
Well, maybe I have been waiting for the tears to subside. That was a bad idea if the case. I really don't know what to do here, how to react, I have never been in this place in life before.
A facebook posting cannot do 1/1000th of the job that should be done to tell anyone of how I feel or what I have experienced or how much Byron Claiborne meant to me. My father, my DAD.... or what I am feeling and going through right now.
I have had the distractions the past couple of days of having to travel (yeah,
I broke down and embarrased myself on the airplanes) of needing to do vehicle maintenence on my truck to get ready for my trip tomorrow to Seattle for my own surgery, and even watched a good part of a football game today while my truck was being worked on.
I took a few family members to a gun show in Roseville on Saturday. That is one of the ways I have somehow learned to cope with pain and discomfort, to bury it at least for a while in distractions or fun. Now, In a few hours I must leave and be focused on getting through my Nephrectomy (original kidneys removed) and that will perhaps occupy my mind enough that it will help me cope with what I am dealing with but that, too, will be short term.
But very short term it is and must be. Because from now on, every day in the future, just as every day in the past I will see and hear my father whenever I look in the mirror. Or laugh, or tell a joke, or sing. But now, the feeling and remembering will be far, far different. I will no longer or ever again be 'a chip off the old block' or 'the nut that didn't fall far from the tree' and to be VERY sure, I am very much my fathers son in oh so many ways. But now I guess that I and my siblings ARE our own blocks or tree's or nuts or whatever. Sobering, this.
Just on Friday evening, the day that my dad was birthed into eternity with Jesus, while at his home and tearfully recalling.... I heard myself laugh and was taken aback ever so jarringly when I realized that I sounded EXACTLY like my father at that very moment. So much so that if he had stepped out from behind a car or whatever it would have seemed so normal. Except, that it wasn't.
So, for a facebook post what can I do or say? Here is what I have come up with so far. And I am possibly writing this for my own healing and benefit as much as for anyone else's benefit but I do hope this brings some joy and peace to whomever reads it.
We have all, ALL of us, fallen short of the Glory of God. Of perfection here on this rock we are stuck to. We all have warts, and failures that we wish were not so. This is as true of me as it is of any man. And me very possibly more so than most. Does it seem to anyone else a little odd that sometimes those who capture the highest highs of life and even ministry are also often capable and culpable in the lowest of the lows? That the best, can at times or in areas be also the worst? Abraham and Paul and David and a few others come to my mind now and they, this truth, give me comfort and add weight to the idea of grace!
OK, so what do we do with this? The personal failures of we ourselves and the places where people who we love and look up to have failed to meet our lofty expectations? Fallen from some pedestal that at least I should never have been on? I am seriously beating myself up here for even going down this path, maybe I should not. If I hurt or offend someone please forgive me. But just as is the case with David the murdering, lying adulterer and is the case in my life and as is true all of humankind our major league big time failures and screw ups are well chronicled and undeniable. The same is true of my awesome, loving father. I know of some of the pain he went through, but only some. I bear in myself some of his struggles. Whether it is from his DNA or something else I do not care to address at this time. I only know that it is real and is a God sized fight if there ever was one. The only one other than he himself who really knew what my fathers pain and battle was and was like is God himself. And so it is to this truly JUST and all knowing God that I commit my dad and myself to. But I must say here, and now, how very thankful I am that God describe's himself and his BASIC COMPONENT or feature or attribute is LOVE!
To try to put this to some perspective that is helpful, if I dare. As much as I love my children - and this is a TON - no, it cannot even be measured - GOD loves me, and loved my father, EVEN MORE! My children can and could do NOTHING, ever, to not be welcome by me, loved by me, cared for by me, forgiven by me , cherished by me, not anything, not ever. Period, the end. And they can for CERTAIN never do anything that would make their DNA and bloodlines other than their mothers and mine alone! And now to think, as clearly as I ever would care to think, that GOD has chosen to impart to my father and to me others HIS OWN spiritual DNA and bloodline! And that he, somehow, loves US... loves ME, loved and still loves my DAD even more than I love my own children? If this is true, and I know that it is, I have no worries about my dad right now. And GRACE..... Don't get me started.....
smile emoticon
( I am pretty sure there is a book about that one). Hallelujiah! and I mean this to the utmost of my being.
And so what to do with all of this now? Well, as much as it is possible I would say to the things that I saw that hurt the most... THIS SIN STOPS HERE! NOW! NO MORE! SO HELP ME GOD! And I mean this, just as I have meant it every other time I have muttered it in the past and this has been often. And praise be to GOD for the wars and battles won so far! Many, many wins and More to come! Until like my dad finally got to see this past Friday the ultimate win. As my father often said. "watch me grow!"
But more than that. MUCH more than that. God did not put all of these men of faith with their warts and sins up there for us to all see just so that we would be discouraged and without hope or a battle cry of our own. No, not at all. They, like Byron Claiborne of my lineage and bloodline and proud heritage gave and give to us all our own wonderful and good things to not just emulate, but to also become even BETTER at or with. Lord Jesus may the GOOD things of our heritage be expanded and expounded upon! My dad was proud that as successful as he was at insurance sales, I was far more so the big time producer. I am proud that as well as I did in my business years, my son is doing all the better! And my Daughters are business owners and successfull in their endeavors as well! What joy this gives me. Byron Jr. (BJ) Amber, my sister Debbie who became an RN as a mother of two young sons still at home in her 30's, we have all seen much success as this world would normally define it. That is a part of our heritage from my dad, and I am thankful for that and duly proud of it as well. No reason (like false modesty or some stupid poor is better mindset) to not be proud. Then there is the singing and performing. Tabitha has really turned that one into an art form as well as any of us have done. All of us can sing, be on stage, give Glory to God with our voices and energy. But THIS is not the most important part of our heritage, not at all.
The heritage, and we all have a slightly different part of that as Byron Claiborne was a man as diverse as he was gifted, is the good and oftimes VERY good things that we saw of him and should now emulate. THIS DIATRIBE, and any that follow including at his memorial service will NOT be my 'memorial' to this most amazing man. LET THE GOOD THINGS OF HIS LIFE, THAT I NOW CARRY WITH ME, BE MY MEMORIAL!
Siblings and children of mine, feel free to ad to these as you experienced them or value them here perhaps (I would so love to see them) but to close this out before my swollen eyes shut completely and I run completely out of tears for the night, I thought that I would list a few things of my dads that I value greatly. Far from a complete list, and AGAIN I would REALLY love to hear from some others of his decendants what they will now value and build even more into their life from Byron Claiborne. But here are a few that I have chosen and now plan and hope to build upon even more:
Forgiveness. I had to ad this one after I had typed all the rest, it is the hardest for me right now. This dad was very good at, but for me even as I type this I am having to deal with my own desire to squeeze the very life out of his attacker while watching him and making him look into my eyes as he dies. Some of you heard me even express this over the weekend. Forgive me, I shall do no such thing. My father would not have had it! I cannot and shall not do this as well (though you all know that I am quite capable) because "Vengence is MINE sayeth the Lord, I will repay" And if God can and has forgiven us for what WE did to HIS son..... No, I must forgive. God please help me. And may we find out that this event was, indeed an accident. Even though it does not look as one right now. Accident or not, I must forgive and leave the rest to the only true and righteous judge.
LOVE for God and family expressed by how I spend my time and my money
Making family and time for them and with them THE priority ( I am so glad for all of the time I spent with my dad right now!) Remember the Christmas parties and trips and reunions! We must keep this heritage and fullness of family going and alive.
Southern Gospel Music, of course
Doing whatever it is that is set before me, BIG and then do it again, bigger still!
Change the world around me. Be the game and world changer
Take this amazing gift that God has given us called life, and LIVE it! Not timidly or fearfully or half way. LIVE!
My siblings and I exchanged over the last weekend some of our favorite life sayings of my / our father. I will express many of them, I think, with this one scripture that I think fits dad pretty well and the way he lived his life. Of course it is not the only one, and I am not to say it is the best one. But it strikes me today as hitting the mark pretty well:
"whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with ALL THY MIGHT! As unto the LORD!" (emphasis and punctuation mine and added, of course)
13 people like this.
Comments
Solomon T. Avila
Solomon T. Avila What time is your surgery tomorrow in Seattle, I would like to be in prayer during that time; to uplift you my brother.
Like · Reply · 6 hrs
Maryann Leslie
Maryann Leslie Thank you for sharing this gut wrenching process Mark Claiborne so transparently...one that anyone would pray they never have to experience. Doing this in "real time" is part of the healthy process of grieving. It will come in waves...I will keep you in my prayers, as we have through your surgeries Mark.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 hrs
Mark Claiborne
Mark Claiborne My surgery is on Tuesday morning at 8AM. Thank you my brother. Lets chat by phone tomorrow. And I have not yet told my freind and your Mike about this terrible event.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 hrs
Solomon T. Avila
Solomon T. Avila I let Mike read it on Facebook about the post on Facebook you wrote about your father. I will call you tomorrow early afternoon if that's a good time?
Like · Reply · 6 hrs
Mark Claiborne
Mark Claiborne perfect
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 hrs
Susan Lorett-Knowlton
Susan Lorett-Knowlton My heart aches for you in your loss and as Shelby's 16th birthday is on Wednesday I am trying to fight so many tears myself. I reflect back to her memorial service and how you MC'd the event. You spoke about how you admired me for how well I took care ...See More
Like · Reply · 1 · 5 hrs
Amber Claiborne Engle
Amber Claiborne Engle Thank you Mark for sharing your thoughts. I thought a few times how your mannerisms reminded me of Dad. He loved you very much. I know I keep saying it, and of all people, you know it, but I want you to know I saw his love for you too and it was a very proud and sweet love that he had for his son. I'll be praying for you during your surgery too. You're loved...
Like · Reply · 1 · 2 hrs
Clinton Waddell
Clinton Waddell I am so glad I had the chance to meet Byron and eat lunch with him at Virginia Mason during the transplant! You ARE very much your father's son... A real renaissance man! You will always have him inside you. As you prepare for your next step in life he...See More
Like · Reply · 2 · 48 mins
Lorene Roark
Lorene Roark Beautifully said. I only met your dad a few times, but my husband, Jerry Roark, sang with him back in the 60's. They reconnected a few years ago and sent Jerry a prize possession (a DVD from a recording they filmed at Point Loma). Jerry watched it many...See More
Like · Reply · 8 mins
