Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Golf? And how are ya??

I've heard that called redneck golf.

My best round : shot a 79 on the Three Forks public course.
My worst round : shot a 141 on the Jack Nicklaus designed Old Works course in Anaconda. There was a 50 mph crosswind on most holes. On one elevated tee to a par 3 at 155 yards, we hit 3 irons and came up short from the headwind.

Golf and sex are 2 things a man can be really bad at and still love doing.

George

PS--- Guilty

Old Angus came into the 19th hole and ordered the bartender to set up the house. Stunned at this never-before-seen largess on the part of their benefactor, the assembled multitude inquired as to the reason. Angus informed them that it was in celebration of his new, 22-year-old bride. Seven months later, this scenario was repeated. Once again, the grateful recipients asked as to the reason for the treat. This time, Angus informed them that it was in honor of his brand-new son. Carefully contemplating the math, someone pointed out that it seemed a bit soon for such an event. To this, Angus proudly replied, "Yes, amazing, isn't it - two under par and me with a whippy shaft!"

I had played more rounds of golf by the time I turned 16 than many 'golfers' will play in a lifetime. 36 holes were played many, many days as a norm.
Then I got my drivers license and discovered that 15 year old girls just loved guys with wheels.
Golf immediately became a thing of the past.
Played one round with my son 10-12 years ago[actually parred a hole] and enjoyed it but not enough to take it back up regular.
Now I have rotator cuff issues so it doesn't really matter.

I'd be playing right now if it wasn't snowing...

I played golf twice. About 20 years ago.

First time I borrowed some clubs. Par was 36 and I did TWICE that good!
Came in with a 72.

Couple weeks later they invited me back for more, so I went.

Figured I couldn't do any better than that... so what hell

Boy, howdy was I wrong.

I borrowed clubs from a different guy this time.
These were wrong handed clubs.
Not that it mattered...

I Bested my previous record by 2.
Hit a 74.

My record still stands today.
I think I'll just leave it at that.

I just hope I never get to old to not want to shoot or hunt.

Golf, ain't bad, but I've not had time to go play in probably 15 years or so.

I play bogey golf. one in a while I break into mid 80s.

I was really good at drinking beer while playing golf. Really bad at golf and quit drinking so no more golf.

My time allows for two things - fishing and hunting; always has, always will.

Pretty awesome to see some names I haven't seen in years (some of you I see in the Penguin CFB deal every fall, usually when ya'll are yelling at me to shut up when I'm in the middle of a drunken rant when my Buckeyes lose, lol!). A few new names too so I hope you all enjoy your time here as much I did/have!

Don't get me wrong fellas, I still love every part of the outdoors. Hunting? Check! Fishing? Check! I make a point to take my dudes out every summer for 5-7 days where we live off of the land. We'll take a .22 and some fishing twine, a pot to boil water in, and that's about it. I've always allowed a fire starter for them but since my oldest got a friction fire going (bow drill-after 6 very tenacious hours on day one) last year, I'll still pack one this year, but I won't tell them unless we really need it. It's pretty fun, at least a week later when we look back on it since it's miserable at the time, but if nothing else I'm preparing them for a day we all hope will never arrive. We'll plink some small game for the pot and if that fails there's a small river running through the property that usually will mean we won't be too hungry. I like the show "Naked and Afraid" (one of the few shows I can stomach), and while I'd stop short of having a go at this adventure nekkid-maybe this year we'll go shoeless or even in boxers only?? I'm just dumb enough to try it too! We'd probably have even more fun looking back at our misery the other 51 weeks of the year.

The main reason I'm not so much into hunting anymore is lack of access. Like I stated, the farm of my youth has been sold off and the new owners will not allow any (spoken by them with disdain) "hunters" on their property. I also have no earthly clue why they bought it? They're city folk that still live in the city. They don't farm the land nor do they lease it out for others to farm. While the whitetail deer run aplenty through there, if you aren't going to live there, or lease it out to farmers, it's pretty much a mosquito infested hell. I've been to a lot of places that have had mosquito problems. While I don't know if it's worse than other places, it's about as bad you'll ever find. So bad that you better be moving 10mph every second in broad daylight bad. I don't know why they bought the place, it's a nice farm but it's in a river bottom where it's constantly flooded (probably why the mosquitoes are so bad). While I have a few places where they have the odd 20 acres or so that I can take my boys to pop the odd squirrel or rabbit, I don't really have room to roam anywhere anymore. Even the place we go to live off the land, its public access (albeit at 30,000 acres or so) and if you know anything about Ohio and deer hunting, most public access places are a fantastic way to get ones kids shot during the week long shotgun slug (and some other really restricted cartridges) only season. Probably would be ok to bow hunt down there but as it's two plus hours from the house we don't really have the time to scout it out AND go down and hunt it on a daily basis. One day again something will open up but for now I'm ok with our arrangements.

Which is one of the main reasons I got back into golf. 20 some years ago I spent a miserable summer as an assistant pro at the local country club. You want to find the worlds worst job? This might have been it. I'll only bring up a few of my favorite stories (I tend to get long winded as ya'll that don't know me are finding out, lol) from my season spent there but it'll be enough, trust me. Back then I was an aspiring young golfer amongst many other things. I was drinking buddies with the head pro and this is how I landed the job. The wage was ok on a weekly basis, but you didn't want to do the math by the hour. The only incentive that I got above my princely sum of $500.00 a week was I received 25% of fees for any club work (re gripping, etc) and for lessons. I took a PAT (Playing Ability Test) passed it with relative ease and the job of my dreams (what? Nightmares are dreams too) was mine. The only thing that kept me from working 7 days a week from sunup to sun down was the fact that we were closed on Mondays. This was my day off and I usually only had to work about 8 hours doing the re grippings, etc that I had fallen behind on. Other then that, sunup to sun down plus one to two. The hours were awful but had the job truly been awesome I wouldn't have minded it too much. I briefly owned a supermarket 8-10 years later and I probably worked as many hours, but since my efforts had a direct correlation to my financial success it wasn't too bad. I signed up for the job pretty much blind thinking that maybe being an "asst pro" would equal 50% golfing. Wrong. So very dead wrong, lol. I played less golf that summer than any other summer of my adult life, including the 15 years after when I pretty much only played socially when invited to charity scrambles, etc.

Enough blah blah blah, on to the stories! So this club at the time was pretty ultra exclusive. Initiation fees were right at 10k, dues were 500.00 a
month, and you had to spend an additional $300.00 on food or they would bill you anyways. and our member list was made up of people that you'd hear of their last names if you lived in my town of 50kish people. Names like (to protect the innocent) Bob, Bob, and Bob Insurance or the law firm of Larry, Curly, and Moe. (Side bar we are now members here and it's a great club, but there are no initiation fees and it's actually less to be full members than at the better public courses in the area). Anyways, since this is now becoming a biography and that's not my intention, three stories only. 1. Tuesday mornings back in the day were the old ladies league. They drank more gin on an average round (at 8am for nine holes only to boot) than the entire British Kingdom does in a month. One of these sweet little old ladies decided one Tuesday morning that she'd had enough of the cart boys antics (namely that the carts were supposed to be in a PERFECT line that not only was within 1mm of perfect but also took into account the lay of the land, the earths speed around axis, and apparently her own sensitivity into getting into a perfectly aligned cart only to drive off on it in 2 second straight time. After Shen threw a 20 minute fit that was a better show than anything any of my kids have achieved in their toddler years I took her case tic the head pro. Poor Roger was in the line at the soup kitchen the next day. (Other twos on next post, I done jammed up much phone with the length, sorry).

This also started some tension between me and my previous buddy, the head pro. He wasn't a bad sort of fella but had no backbone whatsoever and if a drunken member demanded it, it usually happened. 2. During an outing one otherwise peaceful day, the family that owned the local McDonald's chain were playing. They were typically pretty good to be around and didn't look down their noses at us peasants. That was until the two younger male brothers in the family were drinking (which unfortunately was about my only experiences with the two of them). Anyways, when they made the turn during this outing it was backed up on the tenth tee. So naturally they decided to stay loose by hitting balls into the parking lot. A parking lot filled with cars that cost as much as a normal house. When I went out and very strongly discouraged such behavior I was chased briefly by one of them that was still wielding his driver. There were no CCW laws in OH back then otherwise I probably would have been within my right to have dispatched him post haste. Luckily one of the buddies of his realized that this wasn't a great activity for him and held him down until he calmed down. Chalk up another strain on the relationship between the head pro and I when I "allowed" him to talk me out of either pressing charges or having this idiot barred from the club. 3. Old Mr Such and Such. Never a very friendly fella. Definitely looked down his noses at us peasants who were very obviously beneath him. I think he used to own the local Pepsi bottling plant. Anyways, he comes in one morning, and comes back into the golf shop shortly after starting his round and demands to know where his putter was. He swears when he dropped his clubs off the previous day that it was in his bag and immediately starts to accuse the kid that took his clubs off the cart and into the bag room for cleaning and storage. I told him that while he was out playing his round that I'd watch the CCTV of it since the bag room and the cart return were under surveillance. He plays his round and while I can't make out if the club was in his bag or not, I can certainly tell that no one had taken it. I inform him of such and now he starts to accuse me of being involved (this was a $40.00 generic putter mind you too, not some Cameron). I'd heard enough at this point and if someone wants to dress me up and down, I'm generally ok with it and had put up with that many times over the course of the summer, but nobody nowhere better ever accuse me of being dishonest. I can't tolerate it, never have been able to. So I basically tell him that if he ever accuses me of something without proof that he'll find his putter, stuck up his rear end!! He storms off threatening me in every way shape and form other then physically (not many go that route since I more closely resemble Harambe than I do an average human). An hour or two later the head pro comes storming in (after he slept off his hangover-while I was a drinking buddy, he had a bunch more than just me-if I was to guess probably one for every day and night of the week). He tells me that I better go apologize RIGHT NOW! To Mr Such and Such and that I better mean it! I tell him to go get bent and that if really wants to do my job the rest of the summer he can fire me right now! He storms off. Before he or Mr Such and Such can return the putter is found (I know a ton of folk that leave their wedges green side but leaving the last club you hit greenside? A first) and get this fellow golfers, it was found on the 16th green-how does that happen when he turned in his scorecard (with pars on 17 and 18-I can still recall that after all these years, lol!) from the previous day?? Mr Such and Such, to his credit, did apologize to me about it, and if course I bit my tongue and probably muttered something like "glad you found it".

Anyways, fast forward to present day. The club has changed a ton. Now pretty much every serious golfer around here, no matter their means, are members. In the day and age where a bunch of private clubs are going public it still maintains the exclusivity of a private club but the money bar has been lifted. It's no longer a barrier, and if you're a serious golfer and you join any other club in this area, you are also a fool. This course is far and above the high end public courses in this area. It's worth at least 2x membership dues, like I said it's cheaper to join here than the two higher end public courses in the area. Those courses don't offer much beyond golf, and while I'm not really a "Country Club" type of person, it's nice to have a club pool. It's nice to have a world class course with world class practice areas. This course could easily host a pro event if it were a little longer. It's a Donald Ross design with bar none, the best greens around. While not overly flashy it's solid. If you paid $70.00 green fees (very high in these parts) you'd likely walk away impressed. I just checked my GHIN a little bit ago and I'm currently a 2.4. My game fluctuates wildly and in the past year I've been as low as +.6 to as high as a 4.8. I know it probably looks good but don't confuse me for a great golfer. I'm not. I hit the ball a long ways. Back in my "Assistant Pro" ( lol! The bar for entry was very low! ) days I used to compete in long drive comps. Quite simply I can play the local wide open short courses and have eagle chances on half of the par 4's and all of the par 5's. Most of these courses I rarely hit anything more than a wedge into anything other than the par 3's (with the exception of one dastardly hole on one of the local courses that plays at 488, into the usual wind, as a par 4-which is longer than the 4 par 5's in this course play). I track my rounds now and as an example of how these local courses play for me, im averaging 3.3 on par 3's 4.0 on par par 4's, and 4.8 on the par 5's. You put me on a pro level and length course and I likely will have a tough time shooting lower than 82.

The biggest thing anyone would hopefully take away from this is that when you meet an asst pro, please treat them with kindness. Know, not think but, KNOW... that even though you'd think their job is a job of most of us that love the games dream job, that it is in fact the worst job in America. Bar none. Most at the club tip the "bag boy" or the "cart guy" and I do. But the biggest tips I throw are at the assistant pro. He likely does much more for the game and your experience then the reasonably compensated head pro does. He work more hours than you. He wishes he could play as much golf as you. Sure, a true a private club he can likely play any Monday he wants, but he's likely too pooped to play more than three rounds a year.

I've never hit a golf ball in my life and doubt I ever will.

That said Mr Salmonella, its great to see you again!your name is one I remember. I'm still the same exciteable jerk I was in my relative youth, and I'm sure you are still the same great all around guy that I remember! Good to see you sir! I don't care if you don't like to hit the little white ball (it causes aggravation and consternation anyways), it's just great to see your name.

A lot of nice fellows I know enjoy golf, even if they don't play very well. That's is good. When young, I played well - very well - too well. Only job I could get at age 13 was caddying and it was all good - learned the game early and got to play free two mornings every week at a very nice club. Was given some nice hand-me-down equipment. Worked hard, practiced a lot, got to where par or better was normal. Then, other interesting and challenging things in life turned into goals. For me, playing golf well required practice and time on the course - and golf is a time hog in terms of what one gets (for me). Pretty much stopped cold turkey at 19 or so.

Later on went out with buddies a few times along the way, and also played some for business purposes, but not playing as well as I did when a kid bothered me a bunch - felt like failure - regression - whatever. Other interests were more appealing and I simply did not have time enough to again play well, so about 40 years ago gave away the clubs and quit for good. Have not hit a golf ball since.

It's great that golf is an important and rewarding game for lots of guys - it tends to be a gentleman's sport - and I do really like watching the good players compete on TV. 257Roy, I hope you enjoy it to the maximum.

Been playing for 20+ years. Got handicap down to a 2 at one point, probably a 6 to 8 right now with a bum lower back. Still love playing, golf and hunting are the best things in life for me. Lowest round was a 67 (4 under) at TPC Southwind in Memphis where they play the PGA tour FedEx St. Jude Classic.

Can't seem to quote CCCC and cotis so here goes....

CCCC-yeah, you have to play and practice (beyond) regularly to maintain any semblance of decency. Sorry that you didn't feel it was a worthwhile endeavor, but I'm glad you got enjoy it at one point. I took basically a 15 year hiatus, but still played a few rounds a year always (mainly in charity scrambles, etc). I got a golf app a few years ago and with it was able to play most area courses for 10 bucks (18 riding with a cart to boot). My first "screw around" round back, I shot a 39 on the front and started the back with my only ever hole in one, and a par 4 (in name only) to boot. I was back to even on the round. Back in the day "under par" was always my goal. I ended up playing the back in 4 under and was instantly hooked again. Had that round been my normal crap score I'd have probably walked away again.

Cotis-golf is a funny game. I do not claim to master it but I have my moments. During a bad front nine last year (shot a 44!-a score that I'm ok with since when nothing works, triple digits is still in play-albeit those usually only show up on very hard courses), I almost called it quits for the day. I'm very glad I didn't. On the back nine there were three driveable par 4's and both par 5's played downwind. The two hardest holes (a 440 yard par 4 and a 450) played into the teeth of it as did the two par 3's. Anyways I went eagle (driveable par 4), par (par 3 into wind), par (440 par 4 where I hit driver three iron into and two putted), eagle (dogleg right par 5 downwind, cut the corner and had 150 in and stuck it to to tap in range), par (450 par 4 into wind hit driver 3i again and got up and down from just off), birdie (drivesable par 4 that I hit my only bad shot on this nine but still hit a wedge from 80 yards to 12ft and drained it), par (long par 3 into wind, hit 4i short left and two putted to back right), birdie (par five downwind hit driver then 3w to fringe and two putted), and birdie (driveable par 4-hit just off right and got up and down) for a 29. What!?? Let me repeat that, a 29. Seven under. For that nine, lol. Too bad I shot 44 on the front and pretty much looked like a complete and utter hack. Going into that nine I just hoped to mitigate the damage, maybe shoot an 80 with even par on the back. The conditions were just right, every scoring hole set up well,?and was able to shoot pars on the tough holes. I've never shot 4 under for 18.

Congrats!! My best was a 68 (also a par 71) back in 2002 or so. Luckily this was during a tournament for Ohio Pharmacists, of which I am not but my best friend at the time was. I beat the field by 8 strokes and this is to date my only ever tournament win (not including scrambles- i.e. Liars Golf, lol!). I wasn't in it's back the next year, lol-but I did win snough to pay for free the rest of the season! That and a tv that my wife still watches

257_Roy,
Golf is a funny game like that! Hell of a 9, 7 under! I have never come close to that. You can shank it around for 17 holes and hit a few pure shots on 18 and it will keep you comng back. That's part of why I love it, no one to blame but yourself and you can never master it. In theory you could birdie every hole for a 54, yet no one has ever done that - except for the North Korean fat-ass, apparently he eagled or hole-in-oned every hole for a 36 🤓