Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Jackie Mason on Starbucks coffee shops

Ain't this the truth?!?

Starbucks is the best example of a phony status symbol that means nothing, but people will still pay 10 times as much for because there are French words all over the place.

You want coffee in a coffee shop, that's 60 cents. But at Starbucks, Cafe Latte: $3.50. Cafe Cremier: $4.50. Cafe Suisse: $9.50. For each French word, another four dollars.

Why does a little cream in coffee make it worth $3.50? Go into any coffee shop; they'll give you all the cream you want until you're blue in the face. Forty million people are walking around in coffee shops with jars of cream: "Here's all the cream you want!" And it's still 60 cents. You know why?

Because it's called "coffee."

If it's Cafe Latte -- $4.50. You want cinnamon in your coffee? Ask for cinnamon in a coffee shop; they'll give you all the cinnamon you want. Do they ask you for more money because it's cinnamon? It's the same price for cinnamon in your coffee as for coffee without cinnamon -- 60 cents, that's it. But not in Starbucks. Over there, it's Cinnamonnier - $9.50.

You want a refill in a regular coffee shop, they'll give you all the refills you want until you drop dead. You can come in when you're 27 and keep drinking coffee until you're 98. And they'll start begging you: "Here, you want more coffee, you want more, you want more?" Do you know that you can't get a refill at Starbucks? A refill is a dollar fifty. Two refills, $4.50. Three refills, $19.50.

So, for four cups of coffee - $350.

And it's burnt coffee.

It's burnt coffee at Starbucks, let's be honest about it. If you get burnt coffee in a coffee shop, you call a cop. You say, "It's the bottom of the pot. I don't drink from the bottom of the pot. But when it's burnt at Starbucks, they say, "Oh, it's a blend. It's a blend." It's a special bean from Argentina....."

The bean is in your head.

And there're no chairs in those Starbucks. Instead, they have these high stools. Did you ever see these stools? You haven't been on a chair that high since you were two. Seventy-three year old Jews are climbing and climbing to get to the top of the chair. And when they get to the top, they can't even drink the coffee because there's 12 people around one little table, and everybody's saying, "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me".

Then they can't get off the chair.

Old Jews are begging Gentiles, "Mister, could you get me off this?"

Do you remember what a cafeteria was? In poor neighborhoods all over this country, they went to a cafeteria because there were no waiters and no service. And so poor people could save money on a tip. Cafeterias didn't have regular tables or chairs either. They gave coffee to you in a cardboard cup. So because of that you paid less for the coffee. You got less, so you paid less. It's all the same as Starbucks -- no chairs, no service, a cardboard cup for your coffee.

Except in Starbucks, the less you get, the more it costs. By the time they give you nothing, it's worth four times as much. Am I exaggerating?

Did you ever try to buy a cookie in Starbucks? Buy a cookie in a regular coffee shop. You can tear down a building with that cookie. And the whole cookie is 60 cents. At Starbucks, you're going to have to hire a detective to find that cookie, and it's $9.50. And you can't put butter on it because they want extra. Do you know that if you buy a bagel, you pay extra for cream cheese in Starbucks? Cream cheese, another 60 cents. A knife to put it on, 32 cents. If it reaches the bagel, 48 cents. That bagel costs you $312. And they don't give you the butter or the cream cheese. They don't give it to you. They tell you where it is. "Oh, you want butter? It's over there. Cream cheese? Over here. Sugar? Sugar is here." Now you become your own waiter. You walk around with a tray. "I'll take the cookie. Where's the butter? The butter's here. Where's the cream cheese? The cream cheese is there." You walked around for an hour and a half selecting items, and then the guy at the cash register has a glass in front of him that says "Tips." You're waiting on tables for an hour, and you owe him money. Then there's a sign that says please clean it up when you're finished. They don't give you a waiter or a busboy. Now you've become the janitor. Now you have to start cleaning up the place.

Old Jews are walking around cleaning up Starbucks. "Oh, he's got dirt too? Wait, I'll clean this up." They clean up the place for an hour and a half.

If I said to you, "I have a great idea for a business. I'll open a whole new type of a coffee shop. A whole new type. Instead of 60 cents for coffee I'll charge $2.50, $3.50, $4.50, and $5.50." "Not only that, I'll have no tables, no chairs, no water, no busboy, and you'll clean it up for 20 minutes after you're finished." Would you say to me, "That's the greatest idea for a business I ever heard! We can open a chain of these all over the world!" No, you would put me right into a sanitarium.

Starbucks can only get away with it because they have French titles for everything, Nazi bastard son-of-a-bitches. And I say this with the highest respect, because I don't like to talk about people.
art

Art,
You are sounding like Donald Rumsfield, I think he has a beef with the French also. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

To help your pain some, I bought six cookies at the mall the other night and they cost me $7.95 plus tax. didn't have a stool to sit on either, they just gave them to me in a bag. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Oh well, a lesson learned!

Sitka deer,

I like regular ol' coffee black no sugar. Starbucks is not a pleasant brew when taken neat. I can get a cup of good coffee for under $1 most of the time. I'm not sure but I suspect most mail drinkers of Latte are light in their loafers anyway.

Having said that, I have been known to choke down "burnt" coffee at Starbucks at a local mall on occasion when my wife is on a shopping marathon. The soft overstuffed chair for an hour or so at the price of one cup of "burnt" coffee becomes a bargain.

Now to correct your grammer: That would be "sons of bitches" rather than "son of a bitches." <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Norm
You are correct, but this is a quote from Jackie Mason... most assuredly not my ranting or writing! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Starbucks is my least-favorite coffee... it is flat burnt!
Thanks for checking on me though, I need it more than most! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
art

SD,

Sorry, I should have recognized the quotation. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Also I did the grammer thing for the fun of it. I am not the one to be correcting other folks grammer by any means.

Speaking of coffee, McDonald's used to make the world's worst coffee (IMHO of course.) But in recent years their coffee isn't all that bad and the price is OK too.

Starbuck's coffee is an oxymoron!

I have never drunk a cup of Starbucks coffee. I went into one of those places one time and looked at the prices they had on the board and walked out faster than I'd walked in. They'd probably try to charge you two and a half for a glass of water and a toothpick.

BCR

All this may be true, but it's one of the best stocks you can buy. Hasn't done anything but go up in 5 yrs.

Was thinking about that when I read the post, saddlesore!

And call it a "Pine Float"! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

as i was reading this thread i was thinking the same thing... i've been poring over their 10k for the past 3 weeks now, and it seems to me that it is being handled pretty well.

How about all the bottled waters? For the first few years they were out, I couldn't figure out who in the world would pay up to $2 for something they could get out of the tap or from a drinking fountain for free.

I'm still waiting for those silly companies to fold <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

Sitka Deer: How dare you attack Yuppiedom? This isn't about coffee, it's about being seen at Starbucks and talking about where you stop for your "coffee". It's a status symbol. Would you rather say that you stopped at AM/PM for a cup of coffee or Starbucks? Get with the program.

Ordnance
Do you honestly think ANYONE has ever called me a Yuppie? For a long time I was a DINK (Dual Income, No Kids) but gave that up almost 10 years ago! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
art the Hick <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I know what you mean Sitka Deer. I walked into a Starbucks once. Thought I'd get me one of them vanilla or chocolate coffees just because I wanted something different. When I saw what they offered and the prices they wanted, I never went back.

Psssssssstt .... Gues what everyone.

Art is really a Yuppie!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just funnin'

George

Thank GOD for McDonalds in airports. Went into a coffee shop in Dulles Airport, DC and got a cup of plain old coffee,$1.75 small cup, kinda like any city owned building in Dallas or the State Fair. -- no

6.0225X10 [color:"red"] [/color] 23
No chance in Hell of confusing me with being a Yuppie... but the truth is far worse and known to about one other poster here <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
art

I guess you could do to Star$'s what my buddy did. Mark has terminal flatulance. He ordered a cup, sat down and cuts loose (accidently, so he says) with a loud and rather pungent comment. People start looking at him and commenting, as they do. Mark stands up, and says "exuuuse me, but it must be the coffee!" And walks out.

Well boys, I guess someone has to buck the trend.
I drive by several a day on my way to wherever I'm going. My bride and I were spending way too much on the mocha's and latte's a few years ago and cut ourselves off from Starbuck's espresso drinks cause we were contributing way too much to your retirement accounts.
I drink their regular old drip coffee several times a week (and the half and half is free for that). At $1.65 for the 16oz and only a dime more for a 20oz cup its about the same as my local AM/PM.
You have to look past all the other crap and just get the regular coffee. It is burned in the roasting and if you don't want it there are 85 other coffee only shops with their own styles of roasting all doing quite well at about the same prices.
C'mon you other coffee fiends, I know you are here, don't let one little salvo across the bow of your addiction send you into the corner.
Defend yourselves!
BTW, my favorite Starbuck's is just outside Ft. Lewis just off exit 119 near Tacoma. Quick, easy in and out and always lots of in-shape folks wearing camo, boots and berets in there. Makes you feel good in more ways than one.