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Campfire Regular
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Quick Karl; thank you. I try to use my heart. It seems to get a bit tougher as the older I get, the more I realize how stupid most people are.  Dry Powder; you got that right. I am continually amazed how clueless most females are. It is just more evidence that most should not be making important decisions. They are nurturers first and foremost, and not very good at making rational decisions. very difficult to find a 50 something that doesn't want only what they want, with no thought to anyone else. Omid; thank you for your kindness. I have a lot of baggage. Sort of learning to deal with it. I have realized that not everything needs to be "fixed", nor can be. Extremely frustrating for someone like me that likes to solve things. Life is ok, I just need someone to walk beside me. Armednfree and chech1022; I see some similarities in AS. It is not hard for me to say I don't have Aspergers, but the social situations are very familiar to me. My brain does freeze in certain situations. I cannot recall names and simple life events of people I know. I have the info in my brain, but cannot find the trigger to recall. I need something to pull the trigger, so to speak, so I can recall. It makes it very awkward in "normal" social settings. I cannot interact with people easily, and it keeps me at arms length and avoiding close relationships. I often refer to my brain as an old computer. I badly need a thorough de-frag. My hard drive just keeps spinning and spinning, with the little icon on the screen just going around forever. I can recall the smallest details of certain, mostly fairly non-useful things, but cannot recall the name of a friends children. My brain has always been a curiosity to me. On another note, I did have a very traumatic event when I was 5. My dumbass dad was doing his every day routine, picking up bales in a field with an NAA Ford tractor and a two-wheeled wagon. I was leaning on the left fender while he looked over his right shoulder as his siblings loaded the wagon from the bales in the field. All I can recall is going into a dip, losing my balance, and falling forward to the ground. I recall grabbing something, but it came down with me. I assume it was the lug on the tractor tire. I fell on the ground and was immediately pressed into the ground by the tire. Lots of pressure and everything went black. Next I knew, I was in a hospital with my mom and a doctor trying to intubate me. I was lucky enough at that age that no bones were broken, just a collapsed lung. I had not thought much about it during my young years, but have come to understand how much impact it had on my life. I cannot swim, mostly because the thought of not breathing sends me back into the incident. If I cannot get a breath, it is immediate panic. I had a continual dream that would occur from time to time about it, but only recently realized the black area with the face of my mother was a re-enactment of the incident. I am sure this has been a major influence in my life, as I suppose I have fallen back into that black area in times of stress. Try being a high school wrestler when you can't get a good breath.  It also has shown me how useless my father really was. He was the most stupid, selfish person I have ever known. The only thing that mattered to him was a cow. He couldn't even pay enough attention to his children to keep them safe. Over the years, I have come to realize just how worthless he was. He literally did nothing for anyone, not even his family, during his life. I was naive enough to think he needed respect as I was growing, and didn't think much of it until several years ago. As I grew and had a family, I realized how stupid he really was, and how much he missed as a parent and spouse. Everything I learned about adulting I had to learn myself, because he gave nothing. I was a very marginal spouse, as I only knew what marriage was from my parents. We had virtually no contact with anyone, as they were both very anti-social. I thought the way they were was "normal". Little did I know how screwed up they were. It was a long time before I could see others and their relationships, and how it really should be. The combination of all this crap made me who I am. Sometimes I wish a were a totally clueless fool. I would be much happier. As it is, I analyze everything, including how I think, act and behave. I can see how inadequate I have been, and think too much about how life could have been without all the crap. I have sort of learned to accept who I am, although it is still difficult. I am not sure if this is of any help, but it is another view of life. Thanks again.
I think, therefore I am, conservative.
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Joined: Oct 2013
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Joined: Oct 2013
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I think you might be a little harder on yourself than necessary, try enjoying the things you like and forget the stuff that you don't. We all have our demons, its just not letting them drive the bus that matters.
Writing here is Prohibited by the authorities.
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,716 Likes: 14 |
I partly understand him. I can go away for a bit. Daydreaming. I get lost in my thoughts, mostly about somewhat stressful things I can't solve. My paternal side of the family is pretty screwed up. 7 kids, most of which are antisocial. Scared of people. No friends. I grew up that way and it literally ruined my life. I was scared to death of people when a child. I am sure my dad was too. He was absolutely no help, just hid behind a cow and pretended he was living. I have mostly grown out of it, but I am still not good at social things. During my marriage, I finally learned about females and how irrational most are. She caused me horrible stress, with her irresponsibility with money, to bitching about literally everything. Nothing was good enough, and she kept on me to be in control. I was committed, with three amazing daughters, who needed an adult to show them how to behave. Finally, I was so stressed I had to file for divorce. I couldn't do my job well, because of all the thoughts in my head on what was happening and how I was going to fix it. I spent a lot of sleepless nights with my brain just running away. No peace at all. Now, over 5 years later, I am much more at ease, I have a very good job, I am doing very well, other than being alone. that in itself is very stressful for me. I need someone. I have found it is extremely hard for someone as rational as I to find a female with a brain. The good ones are still married, and the others are mostly divorced for a reason. My brain allows me to enjoy life some now, so I am better. I spent 20 years in a hole. Nice to see daylight again. The older I get the more women become like parking spaces, the good ones are taken and what's left are handicapped. . I like this! This will come in handy with the wife’s friends sooner or later! All of them are divorced.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,170 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,170 Likes: 1 |
A co-worker was in a car wreck and took a pretty good hit on the head (I don't need no seat belts he said) when he went into the windshield.
After that he would be talking along, and suddenly a blank stare (lights are on, no one at home) for a few seconds or a little longer then continue on as tho the pause did not exist.
Trouble is the brain is a Super computer and none of us are smart enough to program it of fix all of the bugs . . .
Just be glad it was not programmed by microsoft. Your co-worker has aphasia due to the head injury. There are several kinds. Look it up. I have aphasia from the stoke I have 11 years ago. I do hunters safety, and after the stroke, I let someone else do the talking. I help with the hands on learning. It was to hard to concentrate, with and noise. When we split up into groups, for hands on learning, I would tell everyone that I had a stroke, and that is the way I am, so bear with me!! Denny
Well we're Green and we're Gold, and we play better when it's cold. All us Cheese heads have our favorite superstar. We love Brett Favre.
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Joined: Sep 2004
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 14,170 Likes: 1 |
Clint'sfolly wife was my speech therapist and she explained it the way. Let say your brain is a file cabinet, and it got tipped over and all the papers were strewn about. Not we have to put them back in order again. She got me started, but 11 years later it's still a work in progress .
Thales heaven for people like her!!!
Last edited by Whelenman; 05/13/19.
Well we're Green and we're Gold, and we play better when it's cold. All us Cheese heads have our favorite superstar. We love Brett Favre.
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 10,595
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Joined: Jun 2003
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Google Complex PTSD and see if that doesn't sound like your friend. It is not the same thing as "ordinary" PTSD.
"Don't believe everything you see on the Internet" - Abraham Lincoln
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2008
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Sounds more autism spectrum/Aspergers than OCD. I have the same reading probs myself and I have been accused of being "on the spectrum."
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 23,369 Likes: 2 |
Today I was working at the club with a friend. I've known him for 20 years and he's 3 years or so older than me, so he's 62 or so. Over these years, several times I've seen him do something I do not understand. I know he was raised in an abusive family. I know he takes anxiety and an anti depressant medications. He suffers from PTSD from the military. I know he did not serve in war time, was in the Navy for 2 years and then was discharged. Some time ago I asked him what happened in the Navy. He simply said, in a short defensive way, " I don't talk about that."
What he gets is this 1000 yard stare, this unfocused gaze. Then he will move briefly like he's doing something or utter half a word. Today I asked him about that. He said that has been going on since he was a small child. He says he goes deep into his imagination, pleasant things mostly, and occasionally will move or speak like he is really there. He says he goes into that imagination often, and he says he does it strongest when he's stressed or bored. He says he knows it's happening and can step out of it. But he says sometimes he will move or speak according to that, but he always checks himself. He says when people have attention deficit they don't just blink out, they go somewhere in their mind.
I get that, but it sure seems like he's going in pretty deep. I wonder if this was something that developed because of his abusive father, like he made himself a safe world in his mind.
I do know him to be OCD. Not in the ways you might think. When he gets interested in a subject he will learn it from top to bottom in a very short time. His wife says she can't get his attention because he's always reading something on the internet. She says he's reading reams of text.
The thing is children have that imaginary world, but you are supposed to grow out of it. It's a mental health thing. There are plenty of people who have such challenges. It is a health condition same as a heart problem or diabetes, but less understood, certainly by the public in general. You've thrown out more than one significant diagnosis - PTSD, OCD/OCPD (more likely), anxiety and depression. With all that, you are really wondering what's going on with this dude? ALL of that is going on with him. His brain chemistry is not up to snuff, to put it simply.
"The Democrat Party looks like Titanic survivors. Partying and celebrating one moment, and huddled in lifeboats freezing the next". Hatari 2017
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." Han Solo
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,282
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,282 |
Today I was working at the club with a friend. I've known him for 20 years and he's 3 years or so older than me, so he's 62 or so. Over these years, several times I've seen him do something I do not understand. I know he was raised in an abusive family. I know he takes anxiety and an anti depressant medications. He suffers from PTSD from the military. I know he did not serve in war time, was in the Navy for 2 years and then was discharged. Some time ago I asked him what happened in the Navy. He simply said, in a short defensive way, " I don't talk about that."
What he gets is this 1000 yard stare, this unfocused gaze. Then he will move briefly like he's doing something or utter half a word. Today I asked him about that. He said that has been going on since he was a small child. He says he goes deep into his imagination, pleasant things mostly, and occasionally will move or speak like he is really there. He says he goes into that imagination often, and he says he does it strongest when he's stressed or bored. He says he knows it's happening and can step out of it. But he says sometimes he will move or speak according to that, but he always checks himself. He says when people have attention deficit they don't just blink out, they go somewhere in their mind.
I get that, but it sure seems like he's going in pretty deep. I wonder if this was something that developed because of his abusive father, like he made himself a safe world in his mind.
I do know him to be OCD. Not in the ways you might think. When he gets interested in a subject he will learn it from top to bottom in a very short time. His wife says she can't get his attention because he's always reading something on the internet. She says he's reading reams of text.
The thing is children have that imaginary world, but you are supposed to grow out of it. It's a mental health thing. There are plenty of people who have such challenges. It is a health condition same as a heart problem or diabetes, but less understood, certainly by the public in general. You've thrown out more than one significant diagnosis - PTSD, OCD/OCPD (more likely), anxiety and depression. With all that, you are really wondering what's going on with this dude? ALL of that is going on with him. His brain chemistry is not up to snuff, to put it simply. Well, I got the answers, or possibilities, answered. The fact is this man is someone I respect and call friend, everything else being irrelevant.
The older I become the more I am convinced that the voice of honor in a man's heart is the voice of GOD.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,036
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Joined: Apr 2005
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"Well, I got the answers, or possibilities, answered. The fact is this man is someone I respect and call friend, everything else being irrelevant."
Yes! Good man.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing -- Edmund Burke
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337 |
a guy was only half-joking when he advised me once upon a time to not pay thousands to a psychiatrist only to wake up and discover he has exorcised the wrong demon.
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Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,467
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 2,467 |
I partly understand him. I can go away for a bit. Daydreaming. I get lost in my thoughts, mostly about somewhat stressful things I can't solve. My paternal side of the family is pretty screwed up. 7 kids, most of which are antisocial. Scared of people. No friends. I grew up that way and it literally ruined my life. I was scared to death of people when a child. I am sure my dad was too. He was absolutely no help, just hid behind a cow and pretended he was living. I have mostly grown out of it, but I am still not good at social things. During my marriage, I finally learned about females and how irrational most are. She caused me horrible stress, with her irresponsibility with money, to bitching about literally everything. Nothing was good enough, and she kept on me to be in control. I was committed, with three amazing daughters, who needed an adult to show them how to behave. Finally, I was so stressed I had to file for divorce. I couldn't do my job well, because of all the thoughts in my head on what was happening and how I was going to fix it. I spent a lot of sleepless nights with my brain just running away. No peace at all. Now, over 5 years later, I am much more at ease, I have a very good job, I am doing very well, other than being alone. that in itself is very stressful for me. I need someone. I have found it is extremely hard for someone as rational as I to find a female with a brain. The good ones are still married, and the others are mostly divorced for a reason. My brain allows me to enjoy life some now, so I am better. I spent 20 years in a hole. Nice to see daylight again. The older I get the more women become like parking spaces, the good ones are taken and what's left are handicapped. . I like this! This will come in handy with the wife’s friends sooner or later! All of them are divorced. I would like to be a fly on the wall
I'm here to increase my social credit score and rub elbows with some of the highest rollers on the internet.
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 371
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 371 |
Omid; thank you for your kindness. I have a lot of baggage. ..... Thanks again. You are most welcome! I was serious when I said things will get better DAY by DAY. Most of the things you said, are actually very normal.. Almost all of us can recall a childhood trauma or issues with parents (myself included) but we are adults now and most of all we are MEN. A man never complains, he falls ten time and he gets up 11 times.. That's what we are - the confidence machine, the rock, the pillar women want (and need) to lean against. It is the sum of all your experiences that make you who you are. It will take time to get over sad parts of life but, then again, time is plenty. Never think about your self as an "old man". There is no such thing. A Chinese proverb says "The Ox Is Slow, But The Earth Is Patient". Life will give you plenty but on its own time schedule. Do you go out? Do you walk or hike? Do you go to a restaurant on your own and eat a good meal? Do you smile? Do you cook dinner for yourself? These are all great things and you need no one for them. And why are you hoping to date a 50+ woman?! Where did you get this weird idea from??!! Why not a 32-35 year old beautiful professional woman who has education, manners, and a good family? 
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