1. Control the topic: whenever possible, choose topics that matter to only .00005% of the population.
1A. Inflate those so they seem more important than -- and obscure -- real issues.
1B. Blame every apparent social, economic, or moral regression on prior administrations from the other political party.
1C. Take credit for every unrelated improvement that’s happened in the last 70 years. (No limit to category: government, economics, physics, cooking, medicine, auto repair, whatever.)

2. Once known and as early as possible, tweet a rude nickname for your opponent. (Extra points for alliteration and/or allusion to race, color, creed, body parts.) Never ever refer to your opponent afterwards without that rude nickname.
2A. If participating in a moderated forum, use as many obscenities as possible (but creatively mis-spell those so the forum owner won't notice).

3. Accuse your opponent of belonging to the opposite political party. (Doesn’t matter which, as long as it’s not your own.)
3A. If you’re not one of these, also accuse your opponent of being L, G, B, T, or Q. (Extra points for all.)
3B. If you are one of those, add an accusation that your opponent is either homophobic and/or misogynistic

4. Manage the theater: Do or don’t wear a mask during in-person debates. (Ignore CDC guidelines, university and lab studies, etc.)
4A. If you do, declare that all masks always work.
4B. If you don’t, declare that no masks ever work.
4C. If asked, announce that you know better than CDC, universities, etc., especially if you’re not a scientist in the field of epidemiology.

5. Control your own factual contribution carefully during the actual debate. (Do no real fact-checking. We don’ need no steenkin’ facts!)
5A. Cite unsubstantiated reports from Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, etc. as fact. (Fact-check none of these. Avoid reports from traditional trained journalists.)
5B. Cite rumor as fact. (Extra points for reports like “I heard from my sister’s boyfriend that his second cousin said [insert “fact” here].)
5C. Declare your opinion “fact.” (Extra points for conspiracy theories. Extra extra points for continually repeating already-debunked conspiracy theories.)
5D. Deliberately lie; introduce as many falsehoods supporting your own position as possible.
5E. Use hyperbole when presenting any kind of supporting statistic.

6. Invalidate your opponent’s position
6A. Quickly dismiss any already-proven facts that your opponent may introduce as “Fake News.”
6B. Invoke the “common sense” argument, and denigrate any opponent who doesn’t share in your version of “common.”
6C. Declare your opponent an idiot. (Especially useful to sell your own positions.)
6D. If you’re losing, divert the debate to a different topic altogether. (Blame the diversion on your opponent.)

7. Propose remedies. (Extra credit for extraordinary spending; extra extra credit for breaking the law.)
7A. Highlight your broad Constitutional power to make (or break) laws. (No need to read or understand the Constitution first.)
7B. Proclaim your Constitutional authority for anything you want to do. (Extra credit if that ignores another Branch of Government.)
7C. Aver that the Constitution bars your opponent from doing anything he or she wants to do.

8. Repeat all of the above, with slightly difference words each time but louder (OR IN ALL CAPS).

9. Announce that you won. (Ignore contradicting fact-checking.)


Or...

Never bother to debate anyone who follows these rules.