Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Advice on Explaining Death to a Child

My daughter's maternal Grandmother passed on Saturday morning after a long battle with cancer. She was diagnosed almost a decade ago with what I believe was non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (I'm not really in the loop since the ex and I divorced). My daughter knew the situation and was prepared. Since she has been with her Mom, I have spoken to her a few times and she said she was ok, but was obviously sad.

I've told my daughter to know that she was loved by her grandmother and that her suffering had ended and she was with G-d. I also told her that I was here for her if she needed me. Unfortunately, (or not), I have been told by the ex to stay away and not attend the funeral and that my daughter would be with them - for how long, I don't know - but I will probably see my daughter mid-week or so. My primary reason for wanting to be there was to comfort my daughter and to pay my respects.

Any advice on what I can tell her to comfort her when next I see her? Thanks.

EDIT: My daughter is a very mature 10 yrs. old.

sounds like you got it covered.

Thanks.

I find the truth works best.

You will do the right thing automatically, for the benefit of your daughter. Although her grandmother will no longer be able to hold her and comfort her, your steady presence, even from afar, will help her understand

We know your heart. She will also. Better days are ahead and grandmother is no longer suffering.

Not all kids get the dad they deserve. This is a nice exception.

Hang in there. Prayers your way, if that helps.

We deaded up some Guinea pigs, parakeets, and a fish this past year and it's all pretty clear.


Fuucking adults that lie to kids should have their asses kicked.

Condolences

Tell her the truth. Don’t “protect” her, allow her to feel the emotions. Allow her to grieve. Be available to her. Everyone grieves differently but everyone grieves.

Teach her well now because death is an unfortunate and unavoidable consequence of life. The older you get the more you deal with it.

your ex is a [bleep] for not letting you be there.

Sounds like you got it covered. My daughter was 10 when my sister died from a brain aneurysm and 11 when her maternal grandfather died from kidney disease. She handled it well. Honesty is best, and regardless of your religious beliefs, kids need to believe that they are not completely gone.

Thanks fellers, for all your comments.

Yes, honesty and truth are paramount and I have certainly been honest with her. I just spoke to her a few minutes ago and she seems to be handling the situation well.

stx: Yep, the ex is a real piece of work sometimes. I'm much happier now that I'm divorced, much.

BorderDoc: Thanks, Bud.

Aces: Yep, I'm doing my best to teach her well, but I've had to dial back the political commentary, which causes her concern and a bit of angst. I've also had to try and gently counteract some of the stuff her mother teaches her, which I've not had a great deal of luck with, but I am working on it, just a bit at a time so as to not loose her attention. Thanks.

Just do it factually and reinforce your beliefs with her. My first wife died from cancer when my daughter was 10. THAT, above all else, was the worst part of her dying. We got though it. It was hardest I think, on my oldest son who was 23 at the time. Good luck and be sure and listen to your daughter and her concerns.

Will do, thanks.

Kevin, all you can do is be there for her.

Our purpose in life is to know, love and serve God so that we can be with Him forever in Heaven. God knows when we have done the best we can and are ready to be with Him.

in my experience, kids, even pretty young ones, understand the concept of death. No sense in sugar coating it.

Thanks, Mark. & Thanks Tyrone.

I haven't sugar-coated anything, or been dishonest in any way. I haven't seen my daughter since it happened, but I have spoken to her a few times. Like Mark said, at this point, all I can do is wait until she needs me. Hopefully I will see her later this week.

She's a bit concerned about her school work since she is already falling behind. I told her not to worry about her school work and that I would help her catch-up when she was ready. I also apprised her teachers of the situation.

We started our kids and grandkids from day one. Slowly introduced them to killing animals for food, their chickens, 4H pigs and lambs, FFA beef, pets get old and die, relatives and neighbors get old or sick and die. It was never dramatized, it was treated as a step in the cycle of life and accepted as inevitable.

Just 2 cents: there's a lot of power in admitting to children that there are some things we adults simply don't know.

Good luck, you seem to be on it.

Only thing I would add is that I would make sure she understands I would have been there had I been able. I think it's important that she understands that.

People come and people go.

Pain is a part of life.

Don't mention it when you see her. Let her bring it up.