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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,282
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,282 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future.
The older I become the more I am convinced that the voice of honor in a man's heart is the voice of GOD.
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,915 Likes: 9 |
I think that you did well. Let the past lie in peace.
Not a real member - just an ordinary guy who appreciates being able to hang around and say something once in awhile.
Happily Trapped In the Past (Thanks, Joe)
Not only a less than minimally educated person, but stupid and out of touch as well.
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Joined: May 2015
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Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,015 |
The right thing to do. You will be better for it.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 115,424 Likes: 13 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future. If you truly forgave him you'd not be on here announcing that he lived his life as an ass hole. But, condolences and whatever.
Trump being classless,tasteless and clueless as usual. Sorry, trump is a no tax payin pile of shiit. My young wife decided to play the field and had moved several dudes into my house
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Campfire Savant
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Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,833 Likes: 20 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future. I’m glad you could. I could never forgive my stepfather. It was the happiest day of my life when I found out he died. That doesn’t say much for me, but it is how I feel.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,177 Likes: 3
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,177 Likes: 3 |
Sorry to hear of this.. May he RIP...
Ex- USN (SS) '66-'69 Pro-Constitution. LET'S GO BRANDON!!!
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,061
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,061 |
My experences are very similiar to the OP's. I never did anything right. Lots of verbal abuse. He did everything he could to belittle me and financially injure me. He is nearly 92 and it was and is very difficult to call him on fathers day. He was never a father to me after I reached my teen years. Had to work along side of him in the family buisness for 50 years. I visit him twice a year for my own mental heath, not his. Before I go for a visit I try to remember the few good times.
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Joined: Nov 2020
Posts: 545
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2020
Posts: 545 |
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22 |
You are very wise to forgive him.
You benefit much, much more from that than he did.
Hate is a cancer that eats anyone who harbors it.
Just close that book and open another.
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla!
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Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,647 Likes: 2
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,647 Likes: 2 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future. If you truly forgave him you'd not be on here announcing that he lived his life as an ass hole. But, condolences and whatever. Gee... I think the Flave has a point?
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,915 Likes: 9
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38,915 Likes: 9 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future. If you truly forgave him you'd not be on here announcing that he lived his life as an ass hole. But, condolences and whatever. Gee... I think the Flave has a point? I disagree.
Not a real member - just an ordinary guy who appreciates being able to hang around and say something once in awhile.
Happily Trapped In the Past (Thanks, Joe)
Not only a less than minimally educated person, but stupid and out of touch as well.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father.
Yet two days ago I went to see him in hospice. I saw him there a fragment of the man I knew. Gray, delusional, breathing his last.
I was touched deeply seeing that. I was compelled to do the one thing I could do. To give him the same grace of forgiveness God gave me.
It does not change the past, truth is still truth, but I think it might change the future. If you truly forgave him you'd not be on here announcing that he lived his life as an ass hole. But, condolences and whatever. Gee... I think the Flave has a point? I disagree. A&F had said what an [bleep] he was on here previously. Today he announced that his dad died and he forgave him before he did. I don't have a problem with that.
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla!
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,530
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,530 |
I don't see the problem with it either. Hope it gave you some peace, takes a lot to forgive someone like that.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,326
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 11,326 |
sounds like you did the right thing sorry for your loss
I may not be smart but I can lift heavy objects
I have a shotgun so I have no need for a 30-06.....
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 37,924 Likes: 2
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 37,924 Likes: 2 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father. Most people become like their parents, good or bad. Maybe a look at his life might provide some understanding. Along with forgiveness, the best outcome of these cases is when the children recognize their parents’ failings and resolve never to inflict those traumas on their own kids. Prob’ly that’s where you’ve been at for a long time now.
"...if the gentlemen of Virginia shall send us a dozen of their sons, we would take great care in their education, instruct them in all we know, and make men of them." Canasatego 1744
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 4,036 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 4,036 Likes: 1 |
I'm glad you came to terms. Hopefully you can get on with your life and not think about the past as much.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 25,528 Likes: 4
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 25,528 Likes: 4 |
My 2 sisters and I took dad out for his dry aged Filet and giant shrimp cocktail last night. As I sat there listening to the conversations and laughter I actually took a minute to thank God for blessing my life with the family I have. I know that we’re totally imperfect and we get on each other’s nerves from time to time but at the end of the day we love each completely and we all pitch in to lift each other up. I couldn’t help but say an extra prayer of thanks for allowing me the chance to get to know my dad man to man rather than “just” as father and son.
I couldn’t imagine how different I and my siblings would be without the love, guidance and examples set by mom and dad.
A&F, You are obviously the bigger man and the fact that you forgave him is all the proof one needs. I’m sorry that you didn’t have a good father but he must’ve done something right for you to have turned into the man you are….maybe in spite of him or maybe because of him, only you can answer that.
You have my condolences and prayers for peace and comfort.
�Politicians are the lowest form of life on earth. Liberal Democrats are the lowest form of politician.� �General George S. Patton, Jr.
--------------------------------------------------------- ~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,683 Likes: 22 |
My father at 93 years of age died. Mine and my siblings childhood was full of abuse and defeat at his hands. He was not a good father. Most people become like their parents, good or bad. Maybe a look at his life might provide some understanding. Along with forgiveness, the best outcome of these cases is when the children recognize their parents’ failings and resolve never to inflict those traumas on their own kids. Prob’ly that’s where you’ve been at for a long time now. That goes both ways. Dad is a drunk and has two sons. And all the baggage that goes with it.. One grows up to be a fine man and good father. The other grows up to be just like dear 'ol dad... Drunkard and abusive. When asked if their childhood full of drunken abuse made them what they are today, they both answered "Yes. How could it not?" You make a choice everyday what to do with the rest of your life.
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla!
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,957 Likes: 6
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 10,957 Likes: 6 |
May he rest, and may you have peace.
They say everything happens for a reason. For me that reason is usually because I've made some bad decisions that I need to pay for.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,003
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,003 |
You are very wise to forgive him.
You benefit much, much more from that than he did.
Hate is a cancer that eats anyone who harbors it.
Just close that book and open another. This ^^^^^
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” ISAIAH 41:10
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