Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Things your wife thought were not funny but you did

We were trying to tie up to a bridge on Cedar Creek lake one year and the lake was very high so the bridge was just a foot or so above the front deck of my 20 foot Carolina skiff. Just as she got the rope around the base of the guard rail a big gust of wind blew the front end of the boat away from the bridge throwing her into the lake. She swims just fine and was wearing a life jacket anyway. I foolishly said out loud Hah! Didn't see that coming. And threw her a rope. That was the longest string of cuss words she ever uttered in my presence. The last being something like my being the sorriest thing that ever wore shoe leather. The second wrong thing I did that day was snicker as she was floating in the water talking smack over what I thought was an innocent observation.

I saw the title to this thread and thougtht, "Those tend to be times I'd rather forget."

Maybe the time syphoned the guppy tank a bit too long, and got some of the bottom goop in my mouth, After I rinsed my mouth thoroughly she still was not very receivipitive to a kiss.

When we are at group functions and the topic of exes and things that irritate us about them comes up, I always chime in with how annoying/irritating/retarded my first wife is, right in front if my wife. I’m still married to my first wife.

"What is every man's dream?
To see his son on a Wheaties box, his daughter on the cover of Cosmo, and his wife on a milk carton."

She just doesn't share my sense of humor.

That is funny as hell.

Using a Sharpie & drawing a big black spider a couple layers down on the toilet paper didn't get me any prizes.

Hotboxing.

She doesn't care much for it, but it gives me a bit of satisfaction.

I washed and dried her favorite wool sweater, trying to help out you know…. I told her to bad she didn’t have two of them. Her and the dog would have matching outfits!

Wifey was heavily involved in our oldest son’s schooling. Went to his young 5s Christmas party. She has a table of kids she is overseeing with another mom who asks our son Samuel “so what do you want from Santa?” To which Samuel replies, quite sure of his superiority and wit (who does he get that attitude from??), “my dadda calls him ‘Satan Clause’!!”

The other mom looks at my wife and says, “Oh REEEEEally??”

Why is it that so many proud dad moments translate to embarrassed mom moments??

Not gonna try. I'd have to write a book to fit it all

I was coming a big turd floater, water in road was about 18”” deep. We were in a 65 impala, water was coming through the doors. Wifey for some dumb reason rolled her window down just as a big ass truck came by. That dirty water came in her window like a fire hose hit her. I fuuucked up and laughed. That nasty water was all in that ass length blonde hair. She called me combos of f bombs I’d never heard before.

I sort of feel like laughing every time I piss the wife off but no longer do it for sport.

when first got married , thought i would test wife out .see how long she would stay ..I would fart under the covers .and then pull and hold covers over her head . she would fight the covers and cussed me everytime ..LOL .but we still married 32 years

Guess she is not a redhead.

Genius. Just did this. Waiting for results...

What, no ice cubes down the dress?

I did toss a glass of cold water into the shower once. And I do love sneaking up and scaring her.

A relative once opened the shower and peed on his wife from his position near the toilet lol

...not that I would ever do something that dastardly

I have a couple. In Virginia, marriage licenses are only good for I think 60 days, at least they were back when we got married. We got ours 65 days before the wedding, and just happened to notice that it had expired a few days before the wedding. So we had to rush back down and get another. We were telling the story to a group of friends, mixed company. One of the guys asked "jeez, how long in advance did you get it?"

Without a pause, I said "I don't know, she had it when I met her." All the men roared, and all the women gave me the stink eye.


Speaking of that, here's a joke I like to tell in mixed company, men love it, women not so much:

A married couple was having a 30th anniversary party. Everything was going fine until the wife looked over and saw the husband in a corner, sobbing uncontrollably.

So she walked over and said "honey, what's wrong?"

And he says "I was just reminiscing, do you remember that fateful night when your dad caught us in the basement and told me we were either getting married or I was going to jail?"

"Yes, of course" she said. So then he says "I'd be getting out right about now."

Ok, there was a slight noise but she quickly said "it doesn't have enough legs."


My spider anatomy is lacking apparently lol