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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Wally's serious this time. Trump To Be Indicted For Removing Mattress Tag In 1997NEW YORK, NY — District Attorney Alvin Bragg is reportedly set to indict Trump this coming Tuesday for the removal of a mattress tag back in 1997. According to sources, new evidence was discovered in the mattress tag cold case by grizzled Detective Harry Jakes, who utilized modern advances in forensic science to place former president Donald Trump at the scene of the crime.
"We got him dead to rights," said Bragg in an unnecessary press conference. "No one removes a mattress tag in my city and gets away with it!"
The mattress tag in question belonged to a Spring Air Conforma Foam mattress from '97, which historians claim featured a warning label advising mattress tags to not be removed:
Do Not Remove by Penalty of Law Except by the Consumer
In a surprise move, Trump has not denied the troubling accusation, though he maintains doing so was not illegal. "The tag says 'except by consumer.' I am a huge consumer. Probably the greatest consumer ever, and I had every right to remove that tag. The deep state is trying to dig up anything they can just to keep me from reclaiming the presidential throne."
"Witch hunt!"
Independent fact checkers have rated Trump's claim "a bald-faced lie," citing the fact that the president does not sit on a throne. Also, he is Trump and that is bad. The fact-check article does not make mention of the mattress tag issue directly, but does note, "[Trump] broke both federal and international laws probably."
A United Nations committee has been assembled to investigate whether the matter qualifies as a war crime.
"This is an open and shut case. Now he'll never be president. I did it!" Bragg claimed before quickly correcting himself. "I mean, no one is above the law."
At publishing time, Trump's approval polling surged among mattress consumers who have long been befuddled by the mattress tag warning.
Last edited by Steve; 03/24/23.
Carpe' Scrotum
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Sep 2011
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These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o
"May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
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Campfire Regular
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Sep 2011
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Once you own a mattress, you can remove the tag.
These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o
"May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2013
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Once you own a mattress, you can remove the tag. Source ?
Roy
What this world needs is a few more Rednecks.
The Dildō Of Consequence Rarely Arrives Lubed
Waterboarding isn't illegal if you use diesel
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Campfire Outfitter
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If TRUMP can do it, so can we...Thanks TRUMP..MAGA!!
--- CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE --- A Magic Time To Be An Illegal In America---
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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This sets a whole new precedence. Perhaps we can finally throw off the yoke of mattress tag oppression.
Chronographs, bore scopes and pattern boards have broke a lot of hearts.
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Campfire Member
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What about the tags on power cords?
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Once you own a mattress, you can remove the tag. Thank you! I have never understood why folks believe that it's illegal to remove tags from their mattresses. Reading comprehension is important.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Once you own a mattress, you can remove the tag. Source ? It says it right on the tag!
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Joined: May 2001
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18,345 Likes: 1 |
It's the beginning of the end of Deep Mattress.
Carpe' Scrotum
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2011
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Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Campfire Regular
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No way man. I'm playing it safe!
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Campfire Tracker
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You chew those off. What about the tags on power cords?
"Those that think they know everything are annoying those of us that have Google." - Dr. D. Edward Wilkinson
Note to self: Never ask an old Fogey how he is doing today.
Revised note to self: Keep it short when someone asks how I am doing.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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What about his Jay Walking ticket he got and didn't pay 1n 1987?
KB
Last edited by KillerBee; 03/24/23.
KB
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Anybody that can manage to get him will be a hero to the left. McConnell will probably introduce a resolution to sanctify the DA that bags Trump.
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Campfire Sage
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When I was a kid, I imagined that if you tore that tag off (that says should not be removed "under penalty of law"), the next sound you'd hear would be that of police sirens speeding towards your home.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2020
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In Related News: MyPillow CEO Mike Lyndell expressed outrage over the latest Trump Fake Indictment.This is outrageous!! Conservatives don't need no stink'n government mandated tag to know what a #ucking mattress looks like! And I know more about mattresses then Stormy Daniels!! ![[Linked Image from i.postimg.cc]](https://i.postimg.cc/gJmB6V2T/Mike-Lyndell50.jpg)
Last edited by SupFoo; 03/24/23.
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Wish they would put all these ridiculous charges to bed👀
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 17,169 Likes: 11 |
Next they will charge him for NOT taking bribes...
-OMotS
"If memory serves fails me..."
Quote: ( unnamed) "been prtty deep in the cooler todaay "
Television and radio are most effective when people question little and think even less.
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