Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Thinking about poping the Question. Any Advice?

Hey Gang,

I am having a wonderful 2003, and I hope everyone else is too. One of the best things to happen in a long time, is my new girlfriend. Well we have been together only a short time, but have known each other for about a year, and we can't seem to be a part. To say the least, we are in love.

After a lot, I mean a lot of consideration, I have come to the conclusion, that I think she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice for me?

I came to the conclusion, when I was on vacation in California, and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. We talked a lot over the phone while I was on vacation, and I have the cell bill to prove it. It seems like everytime we talk, our conversations are deep and have meaning to life and also deal with our future.

She has one downfall, and I have discussed it with her numerous time. The Problem, She is not a Hunter. But there is a solution that makes me over look the problem. Even though she does not hunt, she supports me 100% when I go hunting, or when I go on a guiding trip. She may not understand why I go, but she supports me going and does not stop me from hunting. She understands that I hunt for a living and comprehends that. I just wish she would hunt too. But her not being a hunter might be a good thing. When I want to get a way from her for a day, I just have to say I am going hunting and she does not invite herself. She does go fishing with me, and likes going on outdoor drives with me, she just does not go hunting. Her Idea of camping, is going to the motel 6.

Anyways, I am crazy about this Doe I found while I was at work, and a friendship lead up to a great relationship that seems to just get stronger. What makes us stay so close, is that we based this relationship on friendship then everything built on that. She is truly my best friend, and I see my self growing old with her.

I think I am going to wait to pop the question, till before I go to guide in the Kaibab. If everything is perfect or good I mean, I will pop the question the Friday before I leave to go do my hunts.

While we are on the subject, do you think singing the song "from her to eternity" by Micheal Peterson would be a good way to propose?
Do you guys think I am crazy because I am 21 and wanting to settle down? Does anyone have advice or opinions for me?

I figure I would ask these questions to the best gang around, because I know all the great advice and opinions I have gotten in the past from all you guys. So in saying this, let me have it.

Youngbuck

Give it some time, Less than a year is not enough time for most people to really get to know each other especially if half of it is one of those long distance love affairs. If you really are the ones meant for each other then you will still be together in a couple years and your relationship will mature and then it will be time for a decision on that matter. Don't throw away the lovestruck gooey thing that happens before marriage and children to soon. You won't really get to know each other until you get beyond that stage. This is the time when couples make bad decisions that affect the rest of their life. Think with your brain cells no matter what your sperm cells are saying. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My advice is DON"T. Wait a wihle.

My first wife said she didn't mind me traveling and being gone a lot. Course not, she had a boyfriend I found out

Even though she says she doesn't mind you hunting. She probably does. Men marry women for what they are. Women marry men figuring they can change them to something they want.

Course this is just an old bull who doesn't mind being alone a lot.Yesterday was my last day at work. I'm officially retired now. It's going to take the wife a while to get use to it, it looks like

I agree with waiting also. In addition to spending time together plan on spending some time apart. As the old saying goes "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". Spend time doing things each of you likes doing before you met that the other has never done before. Don't vacation together before marriage but take them seperately. When you vacation together it usually seems to cloud reality and hastens the desire to get hitched. When done seperately you get the time alone to see things as they truley are and assess the situation and if both of you feel the same afterward then chances are that it is for real. When apart and each of you feels the effects of separation try to reason with yourself as to what is truely missing while apart. A very important rule is to agree beforehand is to not call every day but agree on a given period of days till one calls the other or you may agree not to call at all. The two of you need to see how each other handles stress and important events which is more like true life rather than the euphoric "Honeymoon" feeling couples have when first falling in love. I won't preach on the "Love vs. Lust" thing but will leave that for others. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Just remember that marriage is one of those things much easier to get into than to get out of. And when the right time comes you will follow your heart as to how you will woo the question to her. When I couldn't take it any longer I just went out and bought a ring one day then got the things to make a great dinner as well as a bottle of the bubbly stuff and planned out how to pull it off THE NEXT DAY. I had the ring in a fancy box with a nice ribbon and bow on her dinner plate and asked her after she opened it in very simple words. Don't use others words or a song but if you feel that romantic about it write your own proposal poem (women can't resist good romantic poetry).

Bucky, When a woman marries a man she thinks he will change: he won't.
When a man marries a woman he thinks she won't change: she will.
Both are disappointed.
My first wife and I were married nine years when she died. My second wife and I just passed our 28th. anniversary. Maybe I have learned a couple of things.
My advice to you is worth exactly what it is going to cost you but since you asked--.
What you are describing here is infatuation not love. Love is when you can be apart and then come back together and it is like you never left. You want to like a woman a whole lot before you ever love her. Like her as a friend and confidant not an object of adoration or desire. There is an old trite but true saying: Kissing wears out cooking don't. Six months infatuation is certainly not a long time for lust to turn into love.
Now you say you think you want to spend the rest of your life with her. That is a tip to you right there. You have to know you do not think it. You said you knew her before you decided you were in love with her and that is good but if you want to spend the rest of your life with her then what is another year or two at your age even though you think it is forever. It gives you time to see her (and equally important her you) in more varied situations. Patience is a virtue. Believe me, Bucky, you don't have a clue as to the stresses that come naturally in a marriage. No one does until they have been there. Just for instance, does she have family? Do you like them. They like you? You are marrying them too in a sense.
I know in today's throwaway society it isn't considered a big deal to divorce if it don't work. But before you stand there in front of God and man and make a promise you find out you can't keep I'll tell you it is a big deal. Its big to you and her and really really big to any kids you may have.
I'd counsel you to slow down, live your life for at least another year and let her see you in good and bad times as you see her. If she is worth it she'll wait. If she feels about you as you feel about her she'll wait. If not then you have saved yourself a lot of heartache down the road.

BCR

Just like the others posting before me, my answer is DON'T!!
I know you will do what you want even with council BUT you both need more time for the "new" to wear off. You need to follow more cracks or make more tracks for awhile. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> -- no

I was married once, two years later I corrected my mistake and got divorced! Give it some time, if she really is the one, she'll wait for you to pop the question.

Well, one old goats experiance. I met my wife to be in high school, we dated others but always made it back to each other. after five years of courting we finally got married, but we were fast friends first, then fell in love.

Give it some time, you will not be dissappointed, I know I am not after 42 years with the same woman!

I would have to agree with the rest of the crowd. Wait a while, you will learn more and have more fun by waiting than jumping into the commitment. As relayed earlier, "you don't have a clue as to what stresses are involved with marriage" not to say that you can't handle it, just be prepared for a LIFE CHANGING EVENT. I am not referring to things like, moving into a new house, getting a new car, etc. I mean big things!

Ask yourself "why am I getting married?" and BE HONEST! Think hard, be truthful, you'll not be sorry for contemplating that question.

DEFINITELY DO NOT ASK HER BEFORE YOU LEAVE! She may view it as you trying to manipulate her, in some odd sort of sense....

If she is the one for you she will be there later, I am not saying dump her and see if she comes running back, but keep dating and having fun. It takes the same if not more work to keep dating than it does to stay married. I would suggest taking a vacation together, that will help in finding out what you have in common and like to do. Plus it will give you a better idea of what she is like, and she will find out the true you.

I dated my current wife off and on for a long time, I knew her for 10 years before we got hitched. I even discussed getting married before I proposed. Some said that it took the suprise out of it, HORSEFEATHERS! I wanted to be sure she felt the same way so I didn't blunder into it. I can assure you when I popped the question, she went crazy with shock, suprise, tears, and laughter. It was a great moment in my life. And she started planning our wedding the next day and one year later we walked down the isle. Since we got married it has been five of the finest years and I am not sorry I waited. I believe that I have picked my soulmate and she, hers. Our 5 years have flown by, and I never regret one moment of it.

Now on the lighter side, drag home some dead animal and clean it in her kitchen and see what kind of reaction you get! Don't forget to tell her this is how it will be pretty much every fall, so get used to it, and don't forget to ask what she likes her venison seasoned with! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lots of good advice here. Marriage is forever. If it is to the wrong person it certainly feels like forever and ever and ever.

You will do what you will. Best wishes to you both. My only advice is to not get married during hunting season. Anniversaries are a big deal. You could ace yourself out of the rest of your hunting career.

I don't know whether you should get married at this time or not. However, make sure you know each other well enough to spend the rest of your lives together, and do not even think that divorce is an option.
Do not go into marriage with the attitude that if it does not work, then get divorced.

Unless each of you is willing to follow/obey this Biblical command, do not marry.
[Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.]

That is the way our Creator/God said that marriage is supposed to be. Nothing else is as good.

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It is 100/100. Each must enter into every important decision, BUT in the end God said that the husband is head of the wife, and if you are not mature enough to handle that in a loving and sacrificial way, of if she cannot then do not marry. Each must put the other above himself.

There will be those who will "scream" that this is archaic, but it is God's way and that settles it.

My wonderful wife and I have been married for 49 years this coming November.

Jerry











g

Jerry

Good to hear from you again, Henry. No sense asking how it's going, I can see that it's going pretty good! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'd wait awhile too. Nothing kills the fire and romance like the stress of marriage. Trust me, the relationship now will NOT get any better by getting hitched. This is the fun part. Enjoy it, grow with it, and let it mature. If she is "The One", she'll still be there, and you'll both know when the time comes.

I know wherefor of I speak. Wifey and I fell head over heals from the first date. We went together for about a year, and got hitched just before I joined the Army. Talk about killing the romance! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> We're both very lucky, as it worked out, and after 18 years and a son, we're still the best of friends. I thank God for her constantly, and I can't imagine myself without her, but I think we both miss the days of romance. We're still in love, but you don't get those back.

As to the hunting, I wish Wifey hunted, and I think she wishes I didn't! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Now and then she shoots .22 with me, but nothing bigger, as she's sensative to noise and recoil. That's fine. It gives us time apart to do our own things. Don't force it on her, she may develope an interest, maybe not.

I could tell you alot more horror stories about rushing into marriage than I can success stories. I think that goes for verybody else too. Give it time, and let it come naturaly. You'll both be glad you did.

Ah geez,

These guys are being waaaaayyyyyyy too rational about this whole thing.
Try this- ask her to go out and buy you a rifle, a fishing pole, and four wheeler.
If she even considers it- ask her to marry you right away but put the wedding off for a year or longer.

If she actually buys the stuff, start planning the wedding- and soon!

If she buys you a Dakota rifle, a G. Loomis or Sage rod, and a Honda ATV Four wheeler- sweep her off her feet and run off and elope! It just don't get any better than that! Everything else will come together as long as she wants to please you that well!!!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />- Sheister

Wait. She'll be around, and if she isn't then she wasn't the one.

MM

Advice? Yeah. Wait until you're both about 35 years old, then go for it. At 21 +/-, you have only a very small chance of STAYING together.. Sorry, but that's the truth. Second problem, she's from Kalifornia... Bad news...

Go to somewhere in farm country and find a new girlfriend.. Just my .02, but I have experience in all this, trust me.

YB86



First, Congradulation! I'm glad you have found that special someone.



2. You are wise to seek counsel. Not just here, but from someone skilled in seeing "red flags" in a couple, also. Spend the money. It's cheap insurance compared to a divorce.



3. Rule of thumb for getting married. Wait 8 seasons (Fall, Winter, Spring, & Summer, TWICE). The reasons for waiting is, In all relationships, "romantic" love dies (the first phase of a relationship). Unually in 18 to 24 months. After that, what is called a "mature love" develops, which is the love that sustains a marriage. Only, 30 % of the relationships make this transition.



4. A good book to read is: "His Needs, Her Needs", by Willard Harley. He is a psychologist who has worked with thousands of couples. He has been able to target the 5 Basic Needs of a Woman & the 5 Basic Needs of a Man. It is well worth reading. There are other books well worth looking at.



Good Luck, Be Blessed.



Prospector



PS I'm a "Divorce Recovery Counselor". I see all the heartbreaks. Take the time it takes to be sure.

Despite what everyone else is saying, you have only 3 voices you should be listening to: your gut, your heart and your head. If all 3 are in concensus, it's a no brainer. Just don't let one of those voices override the other two!!!!!

You're getting some good advice for the "head" (and I don't mean your "other" head <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). But this advice can't effect your gut or your heart. It RARELY hurts to wait.

IF you can't wait to pop the question, then set a wedding date that is out there a year or two....

I proposed to my wife after only knowing her for 3 1/2 months, but waited another 18 months to marry her. Maybe not the most sensible thing, but it worked for me!!!! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Big Momma and I were married less than 3 months after our first date. Needless to say,I did better on the transaction,than she did(grin).

Why did/does it work?

I think the main ingredient was that I'd lived fast and furious,long enough,so as to have scratched every itch imagineable. I did what I wanted and answered to noone but myself and for a long enough spell,that the novelty had largely worn off(believe it or not).

In a nutshell,I'd done sown my wild oats and it was time for the next chapter in my life.

I've only done two smart things in my life and one was tricking her into marrying me,the other having the damned good sense to wait until I had simmered down. There is no way in hell I coulda remained married in my mispent youth. Not that such things are impossible for others,just that I had the good sense to know it weren't in the cards for me and all that it woulda caused is heartache and grief.

It would go without saying that 99.99% of the populace were/is far more mature than I,but it would also be a safe assumption to say,that few have had more fun(grin). Life is for living,don't short change yourself.

So while it is impossible for anyone excepting yourself,to formulate the right decision,I'd say to take a long hard honest look at yourself. I did and it weren't pretty for a looonngggg time. Though I am still far from a high luster polish,I've made great strides and that is the reason my Wife can stomach my lunacy. I'd of never been foolish enough to ask someone to take on that task before I was ready for the role,as I were never that selfish.

A guy makes his own luck and it seems foolish not to just do it right the first time. A man controls his own destiny and a little thought can be a powerful thing.

Needless to say,I weren't compelled to seek counsel from others,as I KNEW. That with all due respect,but perhaps grounds for thoughtful reflection.

Your mileage may vary......................

I met my wife in feb and married her in Aug the only reason we waiting that long was that I had to get clearance from the army to get married to a non us resident due to my security clearance. the 8th of this month will be 33 years for us. You are the only one that knows if it is right. The time you know someone has nothing to do with how much you love them. My wife does not hunt and really does not care that much for camping, has no interest in guns, but she does not have a problem with me going hunting and fishing. best wishes what ever you decide. tom

You can't lose by waiting. You can lose big by not waiting.

You are 21. Ask any of the guys here that are at least twice that age if they are making the same decisions at 42 as they were at 21. My guess is very few will answer that they are. People change and situations change, more so when young than when older.

I'm 57. I got married at 52. I wasn't ready to marry until age 50. Unfortunately, I married twice before age 34. I did spend my time from 34 to 52 in happy bachelorhood and now am in a happy, stable marriage.

I'm not saying wait until you are 42. I'm saying decision making improves with age. And flaws show up over time. I stayed single from 34 to 52 because every time a woman I dated got hot and heavy for the ring, I said okay, next year. If I was worth marriage, I was worth waiting for. None of them ever stuck around.

I had a second method of testing women. There is a dirt road leading from Foresthill, California to Squaw Valley, California. I suggested a Sunday drive, lunch at Foresthill, then I took them over this 4X4 only trail. That ended most of the relationships. Dirt trails and hunting and fishing is what I do and that's what I am.

Wait. If it's ment to be, it will be. Like I said, you can't lose by waiting. Is she's the one, she's worth the wait. If you're the one, you're worth the wait.