Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Called A Suicide Hot Line Last Night

I was all depressed last night,
so I called "Lifeline".

Got a call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited, and asked
if I could drive a truck.

I always end up talkin' to somebody in India...

That's just evil. LOL.

So. Can you drive a truck?

OK- do what I did,


I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished.
And before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

I can drive a truck, and my freezer is empty. Here in Alaska, it's called "Late season moose hunting"

laffin las

I was down and out in Vicksburg, Mississippi when I felt suicidal. Called the hot line. Told them I was going to jump off the bridge into the river. Nice lady there told me to remember my wife and kids. Told her I was not married. Then she told me to remember my parents. Told her I was an orphan.
Then she told me to remember Robert E Lee. I asked her who that was and she said "Jump you Damnyankee Son of a B***h."

BCR

If I were on the other end, I'd remind the caller to be sure to cock it first and use a mirror to get the proper alignment. Botched jobs are stupid and it's easy to get it right the first time.

Wayne

ummmm.............thats not funny, not at all.

I went on a suicide call once where the guy shot himself in the side of the head with a 38. We were standing around joking, waiting for the fire-guys to show up and pronounce him dead when the dead guy suddenly groaned! We all jumped back and uttered a host of profanities. The not-quite-dead-guy then opened his eyes, looked around and exclaimed that he even f***ed his suicide.

Turns out the bullet bounced off his dense head, traveled around the skull under the skin and exited the other side- leaving all the important stuff pretty much intact. Guess it wasn't his day!

Actually, having lost a dear friend to suicide I find it difficult to appreciate jokes on this subject. Sorry to be a wet blanket.

Well....We are all a little sensitive about this subject this year. Jims dad did it well back in August. And we are without him for the rest of our lives. The holidays suck but we are trying to make the best of it. Im sorry. We are just missing him really bad today.

The kids are home today so we are trying to get the tree trimmed. Its just not right without Jimmy.