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I made it clear to my three, when you turn 18 you WILL start paying a fair amount of rent to live in this house.
UNLESS: You are going to school, or working and putting 50% of every paycheck away for school. And you will do nothing illegal, or immoral in this house.

None of my three were interested in secondary education. They all moved out very shortly before or after their 18'th birthday, and are very close to us physically and emotionally twenty years later.

It’s easy to get advice from people when it’s not their child. Remember that.

My $.02, it depends.

But under normal circumstances, it’s not a good idea to allow it. Lack of initiative, pride and drive is something that’s there, or it isn’t. If there is a mental health issue, being at home could be the best option, for now.

If the boy feels no shame in not trying to improve his situation, that is problem #1. And a big one. Lack of self confidence is a common problem nowadays. Marijuana and alcohol is often a big culprit for this behavior as well. Suicide continues to rise among young adults. The woke agenda does not support self resiliency.

As your son needs a Dad’s advice sometimes, it may also be a good idea to also help find him a mentor that he can listen to as well. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it might not be as quick as you may want. This light does eventually ‘come on’ for most young people.

Only you know him well enough to know the best path. Find parents with similar aged kids and ask them.

God bless

I gave you a suggestion, the last part was just a quip.

@OP... BTDT... My son tried this game 6 months after graduating High School. Jan 1st I gave him 30 days to get a job and start paying rent, or he was out. Feb 1st dawned 35*F, pouring rain, and no job. I told his mother to leave the house. Went up to his room and started bagging his chit while he was still in bed. Words were said. He was out of the house by 12:00noon. May 3rd he left for USAF Boot Camp in San Antonio... Thirteen years later, he is an E6 planning his career path to retirement in 7 years at age 39...

You guys still get along?

Take him down to the nearest military recruiting office.
Don't give him a choice.

Fantastic parenting.

Give him one month to move out. Tell him that on March 10, his suitcases will be packed, sitting on the front porch, and you will change the locks. He has got to get out, and live in the world. You are more than half the problem, you are his enabler.

That sounds brutal. My high school buddy Charlie was in his parents basement at age 24. A $500,000 house in suburban north Atlanta. The year 1974. Charlie didn't have a job. At 11am he rousted himself, and had a joint for breakfast. He'd put on a Rolling Stones album. Charlie loved the Stones. Mommy fixed Charlie lunch.

Roll ahead 40 years, the year 2014, Charlie still lived there. Mom and dad had passed away. Charlie was on government benefits, SSI etc. In 2019 Charlie died in that house.

Charlie was one of the most popular boys at Chamblee High School. Six foot one, and blonde. Starting football player. Made straight A's. All the girls loved Charlie. He had, what seemed like a very promising future. He wasted his life in Mommie's basement.

Funniest movie on the planet.......next to Trains...Planes

You're doing good.....know a guy...his kid is 35+ & virgin living at home

Has a job & makes good $$$

I can understand it with today's housing market........maybe

^^^^^^^^^^

damm straight

Maybe the kid needs to hear it from someone outside the family.

Several years ago, my wife and I were at my brothers camp for a cookout. My nephews (mid 20's) were home from far away and there were family and a number of their friends present. We got to talking with this one kid, seemed kind of a loser among a bunch of kids that were going places, chubby, soft, not too well-dressed or well-groomed. One of us inquired as to what he does for work. He started whining about not being able to find a job, wah, wah, wah...can't lift more than 35 pounds...wah, wah, wah....didn't go to a very good college....wah, wah, wah. Wife and I were in fine form, tag teamed him, up one side and down the other; told him he had to get off his mother's couch, quit playing video games and make something of his life. Stop focussing on what he's unable to do and start focussing on what he can do. Almost had him crying.

Fast forward two years, we're at a nephew's wedding out of state. At one point in the reception my wife brings this trim, fit, well-groomed, well-dressed young man up to me, says, "Look who's here." I stare at him with a blank look. He gets a big smile, says, "It's me! Jack!" Went on to tell us about the great job he's got, how well his life is going. "You two kicked my ass," he says, "you saved my life."

Sometimes when a third party says something, it means more.

Sell the house and move.... tell him later where you moved to...

I don’t have any idea what the whole story is regarding your situation. My dad was killed when I was a little boy and all I had was my mom and older sister. As soon as I turned 18 I was GONE and became successful. She was rough and I hated her back then but I’m in my mid 40’s now and me and mom have had an awesome relationship for the past 18 years or so. She is truly my hero, and my dum ass took a long time to figure that out. That being said, in your case I don’t know whether to be a hard ass or a softee. Again, I don’t know the situation but I recommend that you just keep in mind, Jesus carried that cross for all of us a long time ago, so my belief is that sometimes it’s our turn to carry a cross of our own.

There is some good advice in this thread - but no particular piece of it will meet with your specific need due to uniqueness of circumstances that only you can fathom. Do your best to digest the sum, relate it to your situation, arrive with your spouse at a plan, and step up. Remember that the big problem is not yours - it is his - and you will be providing him a huge assist of you can thread the needle.

There is no need to be brusque/inhumane when you address it - and I have seen it done well in very caring and considerate - yet firm - terms. The details of when/how/etc. are less important than the need and opportunity for very frank and realistic discussion about his personal self sufficiency/pride/principles/future and the required feeling of success in doing the best for himself. It is most likely that, in the end, he will be very grateful.

To expand on my previous post, about announcing that you are moving to a small apartment.....

I have a grandson who is a sweet person, but was going nowhere. He loved video games, and could not complete regular high school. He is plenty smart, but just could not be disciplined enough to do his coursework. And he was firmly lodged in my daughter's basement.

Our church sends volunteers all over the world to do service work. So my daughter and her new husband signed up. They are in South America. They put the grandson on notice that they were leaving, and that the house would be rented out, and gave him a date that all of this was going to happen. His basement resort life was firmly coming to an end.

So he got a job at McDonalds. It gave him income, and it gave him self respect. He got his GED, found an apartment with roomies, and bought a car which he fixed up. In my garage, the two of us changed the water pump and the timing belt (He did it. I just helped a bit and loaned him tools.), and he came off that experience with new confidence. More recently, he went to work for the local tire and brake shop and is making good money and has benefits. He has learned to be responsible, and he's the guy that looks for opportunities to help the shop along. They like him, and are promoting him.

His physique has leaned out, he has new confidence, and he is successfully making his way in the world. He's really great to be around.

The decision you have to make is, which future do you want? Basement forever, or a forced launch?

Felt real bad for a gent I worked with!
Old Jim was in his 70's, a retired USMC and an excellent person.
Except his son was leading him a merry chase! Boy was constantly into some sort of BS. Jim would bail him out. He'd go straight. A month or so later, here he'd go again.
Time and time again.
Drinking coffee with Jim one night, I asked him when he thought he could retire.
He laughed and said, "Oh, I'll never retire. I owe too much."

Bottom line: ain’t your kid. Your problem is his mother, not the kid.

If momma doesn’t want the kid gone, the kid stays.

And the kid probably enjoys seeing you pissed off about it.

Before all the tears and drama end, you're going discover that this is about you and mom. Do you want to stay together or not, I think that's what it's going to come to. The kid has been on his ass for 6 years, might be unemployable at this stage, I don't see that changing unless she supports you 100% laying down the riot act....with no hard feelings between you and her. If the situation continues, he will remain a wedge between you and her, unspoken animosity and discontent will rise, month by month...until it becomes untenable.

Thanks guys, we have been trying to focus on him needing to be self reliant and independent. Telling him that it is no good for his personal growth to be idle. His father has another family with four kids so nearly non-involved. My oldest step daughter graduates high school this year and does not want to invite her dad.

When my wife and I married she only had the youngest daughter (2 at the time). Two years and then three years into our marriage, the second daughter (7 at the time) and then the son (13 at the time) moved in with us.

I have four kids, three of which graduated high school in Maryland while living with their mother. All three moved back to Montana after graduating. One lived with me for about 6 months then got his own place. The other two lived with siblings when they moved back. All three got jobs within two months of moving back.

My oldest son, also 24 now never did move out either. We moved out of the trailer and bought a house in town. He should journey out as a Carpenter this year.

I graduated high school at 17, went to the beach for a week the day after. When I got home, the old man told me here’s the rules, no drinking, no smoking, lights out at 10:00, 40hrs a week every week and I’d be paying rent.
Moved out the next day. He coulda saved the breath and stopped at no drinking.

Best thing he ever did for me.