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We have the standard 6 ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months Ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire City. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric Fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made For 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and Drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with The more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big Wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the Yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the Mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of The way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right Hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in Mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a Picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front Side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the Lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time That Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my Head. I was literally one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of [bleep] lawnmower Were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg To differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels Emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and You're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 Times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality It was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding Onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric Fences ... But Dad always had those piece of [bleep] chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now Accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river Bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just Man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a Loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam In it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into The rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore Roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's Right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, Standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not Take me that day ... He left me there covered in my own fluids to Writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ...
I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside Me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and Then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I Was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a Seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4 - My left eye will not open.
5 - My right eye will not close.
6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
I don't care what type of humor you like this is funny
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

For real?

Oldie but a goodie

LMBO!
My in-laws lived in a Depression Era house with one bathroom.
My fil had an affinity for electric fences. Kept the cows in and very easy to build. (He was a bit lazy)

Despite being lazy, the man (my fil) was an excellent mechanic!

He's helping me change the clutch, pressure plate and throw out bearing on my 3/4 ton, 4WD truck. When we pulled the drive shaft out, I ended up with a mouthful of 90W gear lube! I spit and sputtered a bit but got rid of the taste and went on.
About 30 minutes later, it hit me!
It's too far to the house and there is a grain drill just right over there.
I grabbed a box of Kleenex, one of those fancy foil boxes, out of the truck seat and headed to the grain drill. Only one electric fence wire stood between me and relief!
I used the Kleenex box to push the offending electric fence wire down to step across ... did you know that foil Kleenex boxes are excellent conductors of electricity?
I made it to the grain drill ... but just barely! 🤯

Wife and me are cleaning up around the yard. Wife is moving some boards when she offended a black widow spider who returned a very painful reply!
She came running to me. I was working near a fence charger.
"When that charger clicks, touch this wire at the spider bite." I told her. The charger clicked, she touched the wire and she winced at the shock.
"Should I do it again?", she asked.
"Once more couldn't hurt." I told her.
She gritted her teeth, but hesitated when the charger clicked. When the charger clicked she was near the wire and a spark about 1/8" long jumped to the spider bite!

Most venom is made up of souped up metallic ions!
An electrical charge scrambles those ions and renders them inert.
Other than the small black dot where the spark hit her hand, my wife suffered no ill effects from the bite!

Ok. Do the Fa-King next

Wife caught the wire on the end of the nose once...while kneeling in wet grass.

Funny, thanks for posting, I needed a good laugh!

She already hates me, I'm not asking.......

Someone post the one with the guy trying a taser in his living room…

Ouch! Geebus.


My buddy who kept up the property at our house in NC in the mountains was mowing another place one day. His wife, full-blooded Cherokee girl, used to tag along to run the weedeater. He told me she rounded the corner of a swing set the owners had In the yard and got stung right in her eyelid by a hornet. I told him: Dayam, that had to hurt. Said she took it like a Trooper, but that whole side of her face puffed up. Youch!

I was bowfishing carp in May - creeping along in shallow water, spot and stalk kinda thing. I came up to a barb wire fence that extended out into the water to keep the cattle home. I went around the fence and the water was just deep enough to freeze my nuts despite walking on my tip toes and grabbing onto the fence post to swing around. Electric fence...

It felt like I was kicked in the nuts by a truck. I thought I was throwing up blood, but I had bit most of the way through the side of my tongue. I felt terrible for a couple days.

well you were definitely grounded good..

Geez......

Dad's ex-hunting buddy got hung up on one and straddled it. Story goes he bounced around a bit before he untangled himself. Luckily his shotgun didn't go off in the encounter. All sorts of unsafe gun safety violations occurred with that guy.

LMAO

When we were kids playing on an uncles farm I convinced my cousin to pee on the electric fence. He was never quite right after that experience.

One of my favorite YouTube videos of all time

Stupid sumbich.

Finish the 3rd grade so you can learn that many metals conduct electricity.

Seems everyone has a pissing on an electric fence story. I do as well, my buddy and I were out on double date, he with my first cousin and I with a girl friend of hers. We’d been drinking a little beer, of course. We were parked on a little section line two track road with a shelter break and old homesite on one side and big wheat field on the other. A little rain shower came up and wet the ground pretty good but not enough to scare us out. Presently Curt (my buddy) had to take a leak so when he got out I thought be good time to relieve my self of some Pabst blue ribbon at same time. We walked a few yards down the edge of two track staying on the grass in order not get muddy feet . Curt went to the edge of the trees I turned my back and proceeded to water wheat field, just got started when I heard a high pitched scream, whirled around , wetting myself ,to witness Curt whirling around on the ground in obvious discomfort , seems the was a hot single stand electric fence hid in weeds and sure enough Curt stream hit it right off . Took some time for him to recover and talk in a audible fashion. We were both jocks and he said later it was much worse than t worst he kneeing ever gotten playing ball and no supporter to bout. Girls got a big kick out of it, we got very little necking done but dif’t get stuck in the mud. Ciurt worried for several years he might be sterile, but ended up marrying my cousin and they had two kids. Manny years later they divorced, she and I stil laugh about that night all these years later.All of us that have been around livestock at some point get bit but hopefully not as bad as Curt,