Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Did ya PLAN to have kids......or did it just sorta factor it's way in the equation........

Was chatting up a couple friends, this week....and I thought this might be an interesting topic, given the diversity at the 'Fire....

Sorta private, I know....but I thought I'd toss it out anyways.....

Did ya 'plan' to have kids or did it just sorta happen...and you adjusted? Did ya plan the ins and outs.....or did ya wing it?

Seems like more than a few of my friends, me included, haven't the desire yet to take that plunge.....but in talking to them..they seem a little more bent on the 'planning' it side.

Thoughts? Experiences?

HoundGirl

Planned them as best we could. We both wanted lots of bairns and got to work as soon as the ink on the marriage license was dry.

Let's see, one 14-year-old and almost 28 years of putting up with me... Seems there may have been some planning...

I told my wife that we could start having children when I achieved a professional goal that would allow us to have them financially. She was pregnant within 2 months. When we decided to have our second (about a year after our first), she didn't even wait the two months and achieved success on the first cycle.

Now we have two wild men (4 and 2 years old) who we love VERY much. They are crazy enough that we have put any thought of having more on the back-burner for now. Way back on that burner

My girlfriend and I planed it for a long time before my boy was conceived. Heck, we had the name picked out for him since we were 13.

It's kind of funny how she tried to play a joke on me with her pregnancy. She was telling me she was still getting her period when in fact she really wasn't and wanted to surprise me on my birthday and tell me she really was pregnant. Only problem was that she was showing big time and even her friends told me she was pregnant. I still acted surprised though.

My boy was born over a month premature and didn't have his lungs developed yet and had to stay on the respirator thing for a long time. I don't think I ever cried and prayed so hard in my life during that time. It's so hard to believe how a helpless little life like that who can't even breath on its own yet turned into such an energetic toddler in such a short time. I swear this kid never stops running! Best thing to ever have happened to my life. Anyone who thinks having kids at a young age is a dumb thing to do, seriously need a reality check. My boy completely changed my life around and all for the better I might add.

You have a college fund set up for him? Where did the health insurance come from, that paid the bills when he was delivered without lungs? Were these thoughts you had discussed....before you chose the name?

Not to be a meany, cuz I know a lot of young ppl more capable of caring for their offspring than a lot of advanced adults....but I gotta ask....

Just wondering if YOU had your ducks in a row....or someone else did.......thinking parents...gov't.....and the like...

HoundGirl

Planned. We wanted at least four but were only blessed with two. Given the childhood of those two boys, they were enough, even though we'd never have changed a thing about them. Change their behavior, oh yes!!!, them, no. Am now a grandpa and thank our Lord for the joys of our 'kids' who are turning out normal(?) in spite of being dragged around the world as military brats.

Let's see.....

at the premarriage counseling we were asked how many kids we wanted. We looked at each other and I said ....Well, I come from a family with five kids..... The the ex said she had four kids in her family.

We then told the priest we would comprimise and have 9 kids.

Only have 3 but were open to whatever we got.

HG,
if you plan it or not it will require a HUGE adjustment in your lifestyle. My wife, God damn/bless her, had a lot more to do with the planning than I did. I say that having had many discussions with her re: this issue. It was a bitter pill to swallow when I, attached to my indulgent lifestyle, realized responsibility was on the way.

That said, I now have three young boys 6m, 22m, and 6 years, and I cannot think of anything that I would trade for them...even on the three nights a week I have to watch them while my wife is at work. I really don't think it will ever be anything you are "ready" for, but it is a blessing beyond anything else...at least that's what I keep telling myself while I change a schitty diaper. I immensely enjoy all three, although I tend to favor the eldest as he can do more things I enjoy. Doesn't hurt that I don't have to carry a damn diaper bag with me wherever we go.

Maser,
I hear you brother. My last two both did a stint in the NICU, both early, the youngest as a result of the respiratory problems you mention. Childbirth in general is a somewhat scary thing, accounting for all the "what if's", when some of them happen it is enough to bring a man to Jesus if he was not inclined prior. I wasn't young with any of them, but it certainly will change you. The direction of change is up to the individual: seems you passed muster if it changed you for the better.

HoundGirl,

We may have been young and naive about things, but we made certain all expenses would be taken care of BEFORE he was conceived. My girlfriend's parent's health insurance had better coverage so that's what we went with. My girlfriend and her parents started a savings account for him. I admit I haven't contributed much yet, but that will all change as soon as I get my better job I'm planing to get. I do contribute, but not as much as I would like to. All and all he is very well taken care of financially at the moment.

I also would like to take the opportunity to elaborate a little on my comment in my first post when I said about having kids at a young age. What I was meaning was that I don't think having kids should be a thing where the age card comes into play. Irresponsible parents come in ALL ages and is not just limited to teenagers. Sure, in most cases of teenage pregnancies, it can be very hectic. The father is never around and the mother struggles to deal with the baby, school, and social life. But then, there's cases like my girlfriend and I where having a kid at a young age is a true blessing and we are responsible parents. My son will be 2 years old next month and I have NOT missed a single day watching him grow as soon as he left the hospital. There were times in the beginning where money was tight and I had to go without things like good tasting food, but no matter how much I may have thought I suffered, my boy ALWAYS had his daily needs and NEVER went without ANYTHING.

So that's what I was meaning about my comment above. I certainly wasn't meaning any disrespect to the more traditional parents here who waited to have kids later in life.

I can tell you the exact day my son was conceived. She "promised" nothing would go wrong as she knew her cycle. The ONE time I went out without a rain coat. May 4, 1999

He just kinda happened but I wouldn't trade ANYTHING to make it happen any other way.

Planned our 1st one, the second was a surprise to me, but Momma admitted she was tryin' for another, hence why I got snipped after the second, but I do love my 2 girls. Les

I never plan for it, but that is why I use Brother Dave's name...

Interesting topic. I think someone's clock may have begun to tick.....

I was a little "wild" when I was younger but found a good girl that didn't mind a "bad" boy so I was married in my early twenties. I had no plans for kids at that time but as time went on, I began to make several big life changes which eventually changed my mind. As I started to mature emotionally and spiritually (and stopped getting into trouble), I realized that I would be able to be a good father and husband so I agreed to have kids. Before that I was honestly too damned scared of my gene-pool to even consider it!!!!

Neither of us smoke (I used to but quit a year or so after we got married ~ 14 years ago) which is important, IMO, but we didn't start trying until after my wife was off the pill for almost a year and was taking pre-natal vitamins. Once we started trying to make a family it took very quickly and everything in our control has been pretty well planned, mostly by my wife. My wife stayed home with the kids for ~ 5 years (did daycare which was great) and now teaches kindergarten where my son goes to school and where my daughter will be going next Fall.

We wanted two children and have a 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter that are that far apart on purpose. They get along great and we have a very happy home. I don't think we'll ever be able to "afford" kids but we've done very well considering we're not made of money. Due to the fact that we waited ~ 11 years (married for 7 of those), we already had decent jobs which helped financially. We actively save for retirement and each of our kids have a savings account that we contribute to regularly as well. My son and daughter both participate in activities (baseball/Boy Scouts/gymnastics/dance) which is great but they also have a lot of time to just be kids too which is equally important IMO.

We have a full life and I can't tell you how much kids will change your heart. They bring true LOVE from your heart that is more powerful and wonderful than anything you could ever imagine!!! It's truely impossible to even describe and, like others have said, they mean more to me than anything I have or ever could have. While I do feel it's very important to provide for your children and give them all the advantages you can, I believe with every fiber of my being that it's not what you leave TOO your children that determines their success, it's what you leave IN them. We have a warm and happy home filled with LOTS LOVE and that's about as good as it gets IMO!!

1. Tricked

2. Planned

3. Accident.

Very Cool Nebraska. Les

Came home from work at the blimp company and found out I was going to be a dad! 29 years old, we'd been together, more or less, like 7 years at that point... hardly a crises.

My brother and his wife have their first due in 3 days!

-jeff

Plus you know Houndgirl, you can make 'em with tools you probably have around the house! :-)

-jeff