Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Hmm...one liners add yours

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.


Bob just called and told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a moustache".


Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 300 El Qaeda have added me as a friend!!


Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ... "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.�


The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway.

DAMMIT, I'm going absolutely batcrap crazy
Yep ya really are ........

Good jokes anyway Les.

Damn Nancy, it looks as if someone pissed in your beer.

Les is just in good form tonite!!!

It's the Flexiril and beer.

they put me on Flexiril and did nothing i think i would of OD'ed on it before it took the edge off, finally I started self medicating, two shots and 4 alive did more then Flexiril. The Dr. said some people have no responce to it.

Well, I have to take two flexiril, or a percocet, or 2 750 mg Robaxin's. It takes the edge off, flexiril is the only one I feel comfortable drinking beer with.

May West, "Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me".

Jack Palance to Lee Marvin in Monte Walsh, "Nobody gets to be a cowboy forever".

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

"That's awful tall talk for a one eyed fat man"
Ned Pepper in True Grit

You never truly know a woman till you meet her in court. Author unknown

Women are flawed creatures, but it is the cracks we are after.

This stuff is about as funny as a razor blade in a braille book

thats funnier than watchin a pervert with palsy tryin to draw a set of boobie with an etch a sketch.
Larry the Cable Guy

Blazing Saddles, "We thought you were hung". "I is".

If you can't say something nice...."She don't sweat much, for a fat woman".

If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as good looking as you, I'd have all the money in the world.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

Some of the funniest one liner's (or maybe more appropriately called Mickey-ism's ) I've heard lately came from Mickey Coleman. One example:

I'm willing to die to try to keep them , the question is are you willing to die to try to take them .

John Wayne

"If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no sense being a damned fool about it." I forget where that one came from.

"I never met a man I didn't like; except Will Rogers." Joe Don Looney