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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 44
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 44 |
Q. How do you escape if you are eaten by an elephant?
A. Run around 'til you're all pooped out!
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,657 Likes: 2
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,657 Likes: 2 |
What did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?
Dam!
When Grayling was just learning to talk he got great responses from this joke... Something about a toddler saying "dam" just got them rolling!
Pop
Mark Begich, Joaquin Jackson, and Heller resistance... Three huge reasons to worry about the NRA.
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
What did the chick say after it saw an orange in the nest?
Look at the orange mamma laid ROTFLMAO! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949 |
Here's a real old one.
How to trap an trap Elephant:
First dig a large, deep, pit and then line the bottom of the pit with a thin layer of ashes.
Buy several cans of peas, open them and then outline the top edge of the pit with the peas.
Go hide in some nearby bushes and wait.
When the Elephannt comes up to take a pea you sneak up from behind and kick him in the ash-hole.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,836
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,836 |
I expect you're on the money there, Sitka. Many years ago one of my nephews had trouble pronouncing "truck." And he loved his toy trucks to no end. He'd pick one up, look up at us older folks and exclaim with true passion, "F...!"
Well, what are you gonna do.... ?
Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. -- Daniel Webster
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 16,032
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 16,032 |
What do Eskimos use to put their houses together?
Ig-glue
BCR
Quando Omni Moritati
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 6,067 Likes: 1
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 6,067 Likes: 1 |
sort of on topic....
When my oldest son was a toddler we had some neighbors over for a birthday. To grab the attention as only this child could, he ran around the house looking for a microphone. He appeared out of the bathroom with a tampon and proceeded to use it as a microphone having everyone sing carmen san diego into it. We all laughed till tears . A pregnant friend laughed so hard she went into labor later that evening.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,269
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,269 |
The motto of the Tampax Company??? "We're not no.1 but we're right up there!!!"
Be afraid,be VERY VERY afraid ad triarios redisse My Buddy eh76 speaks authentic Frontier Gibberish! ![[Linked Image]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y222/EvilTwinMar/Sabretooth-1.jpg)
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,657 Likes: 2
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 50,657 Likes: 2 |
41keith
Grayling had the same problem briefly and it made his grandmother offer speech therapy at her cost! At the time he had a favorite red dump truck he named after a good friend "Mr. Jim".
We were loading up to go fishing one day and the real Mr. Jim asked Grayling what he had in his pack. He proudly pulled out his truck and announced "It's Mr. Jim, he's a Dum' _uck!"
art
Mark Begich, Joaquin Jackson, and Heller resistance... Three huge reasons to worry about the NRA.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,899
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,899 |
Here's a real old one.
How to trap an trap Elephant:
First dig a large, deep, pit and then line the bottom of the pit with a thin layer of ashes.
Buy several cans of peas, open them and then outline the top edge of the pit with the peas.
Go hide in some nearby bushes and wait.
When the Elephannt comes up to take a pea you sneak up from behind and kick him in the ash-hole. Wow, who'd athunkit... thats just how I caught a donkey ina post a week or so ago <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949 |
Yea, well, donkey's are easy to catch but with an Elephant you have to kick a whole lot harder and you usually only get one free shot at it! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,836
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,836 |
I got a good laugh out of that one, Sitka! Thanks.
Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. -- Daniel Webster
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 17,278
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 17,278 |
The motto of the Tampax Company??? "We're not no.1 but we're right up there!!!" Ever since I learned what a tampon was and how it worked, I've always though it was a stupid name. Don't you think they should have called it a tamp IN instead of a tamp ON?
"But whether the Constitution really be one thing, or another, this much is certain--that it has either authorized such a government as we have had, or has been powerless to prevent it. In either case, it is unfit to exist." --Lysander Spooner, 1867
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 13,949 |
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The motto of the Tampax Company??? "We're not no.1 but we're right up there!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever since I learned what a tampon was and how it worked, I've always though it was a stupid name.
Don't you think they should have called it a tampIN instead of a tampON? Dumb third grader jokes??? My how times have changed. Remembering back when I was in third grade I hadn't yet even heard of such things. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,553
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,553 |
When my oldest boy was into the Disney cartoons he especially liked Fox n Hound. Only he pronounced it F### n Hound. The first time I heard him say it, I had to ask him to say it again. I then promptly left the room to laugh.
Mac
"I Birn Quhil I Se" MacLeod of Lewis
I Burn While I See
Hold Fast MacLeod of Harris
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 26,107 Likes: 1
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 26,107 Likes: 1 |
Well O.K. it wasn't third grade, maybe sixth or seventh when I heard: What is a girl supposed to do if her kotex catches on fire? Throw it in the floor and tamp on it. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Those who are always shooting off at the mouth usually aren't shooting straight. Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. www.wvcdl.org
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,930
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 8,930 |
Not sure if this one was done already but.... Why didn't the lobster share with the others? He was shellfish <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ! LOL...I just found this one today and I thought it should be on the list <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ! HoundGirl
Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.
-- Mark Twain
Part of me lives with the wind in my face,
while the other part is barely alive.
--Mary Gauthier
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 648
Campfire Regular
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OP
Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 648 |
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 73,096 |
Goodun HG. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!
Old cat turd!
"Some men just need killing." ~ Clay Allison.
I am too old to fight but I can still pull a trigger. ~ Me
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,325 Likes: 31
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,325 Likes: 31 |
Why did the boy stick a garden hose in his friend's ear?
To brain wash him!!!
--Mike
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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