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Campfire Regular
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OP
Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,339 |
My wife was unaware that there is a plethora of Chuck Norris jokes out there, so I told her some of the ones I knew.I need more.What are some of your favorites?
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,867
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,867 |
Chuck Norris can slam a Revolving door
Chuck Norris doesn't walk, he rotates the earth to where he wants to be,
Chuck Norris lost his virginety before his father
Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris P.J.'s
Chuck Norris's beard is steel wool
Jesus walked on water but Chuck Norris swims through land
Chuck Norris's tears heal cancer, too bad he can't cry
Oh and they are not jokes, they are facts
�The constitution of the United States asserts that all power is inherent in the people, that they may exercise it by themselves, that it is their right and duty to be at all times armed!� � Thomas Jefferson
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 39
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 39 |
Heard these on the radio a while back:
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
The boogieman checks the closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to sleep.
There is no such thing as tornadoes, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
After Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands they were renamed the islands.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,993
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,993 |
Chuck Norris can touch M.C. Hammer.
C.N. can get a Whopper at McDonalds.
C.N. counted to infinity twice.
Last edited by Notropis; 11/16/11.
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 20,554
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 20,554 |
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take [bleep] from anybody.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
That's ok, I'll ass shoot a dink.
Steelhead
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 9,010 Likes: 1
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 9,010 Likes: 1 |
Chuck Norris is so fast, when he turns off the light at night he can get into bed before the room gets dark.
Wade
"Let's Roll!" - Todd Beamer 9/11/01.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Campfire Regular
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OP
Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,339 |
Oh and they are not jokes, they are facts
Mistake on my part, it won't happen again 
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 346 |
If Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the heck down.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,293
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2005
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When Chuck Norris walks into a room, he doesn't turn on the light, he turns off the darkness.
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he does earth-downs.
This is a shooting forum, there is no place here for logic.
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Joined: Mar 2006
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2006
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CN has with a night light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of CN.
CN doesn't sleep, CN waits.
If you love someone set them free
If they come back no one else liked them
Set them free again
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,634
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2006
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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
What about guns?When do we get guns?
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2007
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There is no theory of evolution, only animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because theres no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Deal with it.
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 19,825 Likes: 3
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 19,825 Likes: 3 |
![[Linked Image]](http://i1133.photobucket.com/albums/m585/APDDSN0864/Chuckwho.jpg) Ed
"Not in an open forum, where truth has less value than opinions, where all opinions are equally welcome regardless of their origins, rationale, inanity, or truth, where opinions are neither of equal value nor decisive." Ken Howell
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Joined: Jul 2006
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,279 |
I thought I had heard them all, but there are many here that are new to me:
� Chuck Norris can slam a Revolving door.
� Chuck Norris doesn't walk, he rotates the earth to where he wants to be.
� Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
� Jesus walked on water but Chuck Norris swims through land.
� Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
� If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
� If Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the heck down.
� When Chuck Norris walks into a room, he doesn't turn on the light, he turns off the darkness.
� CN has with a night light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of CN.
� Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
� Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
All good.
Steve.
"I was a deerhunter long before I was a man." ~Gene Wensel's Come November (2000)
"A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of the user." ~Theodore Roosevelt
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,015
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,015 |
Chuck Norris and Superman had a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,202
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,202 |
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of suprise.
There is no "Ctrl" button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris was an only child ... eventually.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting because Chuck Norris is not acting.
The square root of Chuck Norris is Pain. Chuck Norris squared is Death.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are called giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter Scale.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood. Just never his own.
and the pi�ce de r�sistance:
Chuck Norris has only smiled once. An orphan girl's dead puppy came back to life.
Those who believe there is safety in numbers never heard of Auschwitz- Me
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 28,605 |
A serious student of the "Armchair Safari" always looking for Africa/Asia hunting books
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,500
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,500 |
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 25 |
Praise the Lord, and let the bullets fly.
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,384 Likes: 39
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 86,384 Likes: 39 |
Put your thread title in Google.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time.
--Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice.
--ironbender
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